Monthly Archives: May 2014

Life has been busy lately.

Prom season, end-of-year church ministries, track meets, etc.

I love it all.

Here are some highlights from the past few weeks…

There were 22 kids here at the house before last week’s prom:

Kids these days look so sophisticated, compared to the 80s when I was a teenager.

Case in point:

(You’re welcome).

I was also the prom photographer and after taking an hour and a half worth of pre-prom photos, my fabulous assistant (my husband Doug) and I drove to the prom venue to begin setting up.

It is difficult to make a ski lodge look pretty, but the class of 2014 pulled it off. The theme was The Great Gatsby.

My son and his date looked incredibly stylish and classic:

The evening was filled with high energy, great music, and good food.

However, today’s dancing had us adults at the prom perplexed.

Apparently, all you need to be able to dance these days is gather many people in a tight circle and jump up and down.

If you are a guy, it is also cool to immediately remove your shirt after dinner and spend the rest of the evening in just your vest.

I also photographed last year’s prom and by the time the prom king was crowned, he looked like this:

(His tux pants were also rolled up to his knees 🙂 ).

Ah, youth.

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Track season at our high school is nearing its end but it’s been a good one for our daughter Julia, who qualified for the state meet in the high jump.

We were just at a meet this past Saturday and I saw a wonderful example of sportsmanship.

A young man from our high school is a true track star. He runs long distances while barely breaking a sweat and is gracious to all of his fellow competitors.

After he handily won the 3200, he turned right around and cheered for all of his fellow runners as they crossed the finish line. He shook several hands, then cheered loudest for the boy who came in last.

That boy promptly collapsed onto the track, in obvious pain.

“Get up!” one of his teammates barked mercilessly.

Rather than yell at him, this young man walked over to help him to his feet until he could get to his coach.

Class act.

It’s fun taking photos at track meets because of all the cool action shots one can capture.

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May also means Memorial Day parades and our little town does it right. Seeing the faces of veterans always brings tears to my eyes.

I am so incredibly grateful for our veterans and it is always heartwarming to see so many people turn out to honor their valor and sacrifice.

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Each year, our church hosts a Mom To Mom group.

It is a place where young moms can come for a couple of hours, drop off their kids with amazing childcare workers, and be ministered to by older moms who serve as mentors. There is some teaching (via video), crafts, helpful hints, enormous support and encouragement, and of course, lots and lots of food.

Mom To Mom was created by Linda Anderson, a mom of three,  many years ago. I joined a Mom To Mom group at our local church when I was a young mom and it was a lifesaver for me.

I am still in touch with one of my mentors, Judy. She is the one who encouraged me to take the time to write because God gave me a gift and to not use that gift was to deny one of the reasons that I am on this earth.

I sent her the first Bible study I wrote many years later and she said she cried tears of joy. 🙂 She continues to inspire me to this day with our own amazing creativity.

She was encouraged to paint many years ago after putting her brushes and paints away. She picked up her brushes and became an award-winning painter. To this day, I wake up every morning and see two of her beautiful, framed watercolors on my wall which serve as visual reminders to create beauty while I am in this world.

This year, Linda Anderson herself came to visit our little church and her visit was wonderful. I am now a mentor to the young moms at our Mom To Mom and it was a thrill for me to meet the woman who has helped so many over the years.

God gave us a beautiful day.

We all found Linda to be warm, funny, wise, and extremely encouraging.

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May was also the month of our son’s last concert with the high school band.

He won the Louis B. Armstrong Jazz Award and he was thrilled

At our school, there is a long-standing tradition of giving the seniors blue blankets that they can take to college with them to remember their years in the band. After our band director personally handed out the blankets one by one, there was a massive group hug.

I may or may not have shed a tear or two.

I am in big trouble when graduation rolls around next month. (wistful smile).

Life is beautiful.

 

 

 

 

Within seconds of  beginning our conversation, she broke into sobs.

This sweet lady was a brokenhearted mother. Her child had made a grave error in judgment and the consequences were tough.

This child had been raised in a Christian home, spent many hours in church, VBS, and youth group. And yet…

All of this resulted in a cauldron of powerful emotions: anger, hurt, betrayal, pain, shock, grief, sadness, guilt.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about raising kids since my son is going to graduate from high school next month and head to college in August.

Here is what I would tell women who are in those early years of childhood:

1) Deal with your stuff. 

We all have regrets as parents. Nobody is perfect. We are all fallen people living in a fallen world and we will make mistakes. That being said, I so wish that I would have allowed Jesus to heal me of certain things as I embarked on the long journey of parenting. Then I would have parented from a place of wholeness on certain issues rather than out of my brokenness.

So be brave enough to take a good, hard, honest look at yourself. Pray that He would reveal any areas where you need healing…and then do whatever it takes to pursue healing and wholeness in that area. Allow the Healer to minister to the deepest places of your heart through the power of His Word.

Your children will thank you for it.

And you will know what it is like to live free. (not perfect, but free).

2) Stop being obsessed with externals. Have an eternal perspective.

Bottom line: who cares if your house is messy? Little kids live there! Little kids make messes. It is not the end of the world. Trust me…there will be plenty of time to have a clean house when they are grown and out on their own.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how many sports your child plays, what school they attend, how many toys they have, how prestigious your address is, or how many awards they win.

What does matter? “And this is eternal life: to know, perceive, recognize, become acquainted with, and understand You, the one true God and to know Jesus, the Messiah.” (John 17:3).

There you have it. Short and to the point.

This life is a vapor, a mist, that goes by in the blink of an eye. One hundred years from now, no one in your family line will even know your name or any of your accomplishments.

The ONLY thing that will matter is whether you spent your one short life getting to know the One who created you and loves you with a perfect, all-consuming love.

Life is really very simple. (Not easy, but simple).

There is a Creator. He created this world and He created you. He is holy. You are a sinner.  He has made a way for you to know Him by showing up on this planet as a Man named Jesus, who lived the perfect life you could not live and died the death you deserved so that you could go free.

You miss that and you have missed everything.

3). You can’t change anybody.

The ONLY person you have any control over is you. 

You can guide. You can teach. You can lead. You can discipline. You can pour your energy into being the best parent you know how to be.

But you cannot control what your child does with any of that. That will always be his or her choice.

You cannot take credit for the good that your child does and you cannot take the blame for the bad things that they do. They are their own person.

What you can do is pray your heart out on behalf of those precious ones to the One who created them and loves them even more than you do.  Find scripture verses that speak to the things you most want for your child(ren) and pray God’s Word back to Him. (Example: Ephesians 1:17-20 would be an AMAZING prayer to pray over your children).

HE is the One who does the changing of hearts. Nobody else. So quit trying and just love them right where they are.

4). Celebrate! (Don’t Compare)

You know a question I have never asked anyone upon meeting them?

“How old were you when you learned to read?” Or “When were you potty trained?”

How early (or late) your child does such things do not matter in the long run!

You are God’s Plan A for your child. God did not give your child to your best friend or to your neighbor or to the Sunday School teacher at church. He gave your child to you.

Your son or daughter is unique, created in the image of the God who made them, equipped with talents and gifts that can make a difference in this world.

Celebrate that rather than wasting precious time worrying about how they measure up against other kids.

5. You cannot prevent your children from getting hurt.

If we could, we would protect our children from experiencing any pain at all.

This is impossible.

I remember Beth Moore once saying something to the effect of, “I’ve learned my lessons by taking the field trip. Don’t do that. Please just take my word for it and learn these lessons in the classroom.”

We want the same thing for our kids, but the fact is…they are going to choose to go on the field trip.

The truth is, it is during the hard times that we learn what truly matters in this life.  Trials show us what we are made of and introduce us to our true selves so our misguided and flimsy illusions have a chance to shatter. This is a good thing because it reveals the lie that we can handle this life on our own and turns us toward our Savior. Only in Him can true strength, hope, and joy be found. The sooner our kids learn this, the better it will be for them.

6. Know that your God is sovereign.

Regardless of what happens, NOTHING take Him by surprise. He is in full control at all times and He is a safe and secure stronghold in the most ferocious of storms.

We live in a fallen world. Bad things will happen to us and to our children. Rather than being surprised, we should expect this.  (John 16:33; James 1).

But we are never alone. He is always with us. He has equipped us with His Spirit to handle anything that comes our way.

He created your children. He loves them with an everlasting love. He will never stop pursuing them.

He knows what He is doing at all times.

So when bad times enter your child’s life, cling to His promises with all your strength. Pray your heart out. Cry when you need to. Seek wise counsel. Love them with all you’ve got. Point out that with Jesus, there is ALWAYS hope. Remind them that they are deeply and eternally loved: not because of what they have or haven’t done, but simply because a great God has chosen to set His affections on them and love them.

Choose to trust Him with what you cannot understand. As Ann Voskamp says, “He is always good and you are always loved.”

Then watch Him work. Only He can bring beauty from the ashes and give joy after mourning.

7.  Motherhood is messy.

Forget all those perfect Hallmark commercials.

Do not be intimidated by the glossy, beautiful Facebook posts of impeccably dressed children smiling adoringly at their flawlessly coiffed mother.

Do not wonder what is wrong with you if you are not filled with happiness every waking moment of your parenting career.

The truth is there will be hard days. Feelings will be hurt. Birthdays or Mother’s Day may be forgotten. You will be exhausted at times. There may even be moments when you do not even like your children.

This is all normal.

It has been said that parenting is a marathon, not  a sprint.

There is no such thing as a perfect parent.

So, take a deep breath. Open your arms and your heart wide. Look for joy, even (especially) in the unexpected places. Slow down. Pray hard. Love deeply. Do what you can. Know that you cannot do it all.

Above everything else, rest in Jesus.

The world  is on His shoulders, not yours.

He is responsible for how all of this turns out, not you.

He is God, you are frail flesh.

He is strong, you are weak.

He is perfect; you are flawed.

But you are deeply and wildly loved by Him.

He has called and appointed you to be a mother. It may be the hardest role you are given in this life. Like nothing else, it will cause you to come to the end of yourself at times. Yet it is in those very moments that you come to the beginning of Him. It is then that His hope and joy and peace reign.

You can trust Him to use all of the bad days, missed opportunities, regrets, and mistakes to create a masterpiece. How do I know? Because  making masterpieces are His specialty (Ephesians 2:10) and He has promised to make all things beautiful in His time (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

The only moment you can live is right now.

So fully live it.

“My home is filled with toys, has fingerprints on everything, and is never quiet. My hair is usually a mess and I’m always tired, but there is always LOVE and LAUGHTER. In twenty years, my children won’t remember the house or my hair but they will REMEMBER the time we spent together and the LOVE they felt.”—Unknown