Beth Moore’s Simulcast


Photo credit: Lifeway

This year, I was delighted that Lifeway made it possible for individuals to be able to watch Beth’s Living Proof Live simulcast.

So, this past Saturday morning, I logged on via my laptop and had an amazing time in God’s Word.

I loved that Beth’s worship leader, the incredibly talented Travis Cottrell began the day by declaring, “This is no ordinary day. Jesus has set aside this day to speak freedom to you!”

Did He ever!

Beth shared that she believed that God’s purpose for this simulcast was to ignite a huge revival of faith.

Her text for the day was 2 Kings 4, which chronicles the accounts of two women. One was very wealthy, one was very poor. However, they did share something: they each were in need of a miracle that only a delivering Savior could provide.

The first woman (who Beth called Girl A) had almost nothing.

Her husband had died and the debt collectors were coming to take her sons in order to pay off the debt that was owed. Can you imagine what a terrifying experience this was? She had already lost her husband and now she would lose her sons. I cannot fathom the depths of her grief and fear.

1. Personal desperation can jar us out of second-hand stories.

Beth shared that it is believed that this woman’s husband was named Obadiah, who heroically hid 100 of God’s prophets from Jezebel’s murderous rage. He housed them in a cave at his own expense, which may explain why he was in debt when he died.

For years, she had witnessed God move powerfully in the life of her husband. However, after his death, she was in the spotlight. She would no longer be living in the shadow of someone else’s story. It was her time.

Beth asked, “Can you recount God’s faithfulness to YOU?”  She went on to say, “Your life should be marked by a dramatic, climactic, radical show of God’s faithfulness. It’s time to reclaim YOUR firsthand story!”  

We were never meant to simply watch God’s faithfulness to others; we were meant to experience Him ourselves. There are no second-class Christians! God wants to reveal Himself to each and every one of His own!

This was a woman who was in need of a miracle when God sent His prophet Elisha to her.

The only thing she had in her home was “a little oil.” Elisha instructed her to go to her neighbors and request any and all empty jars. And not just one or two. Elisha’s instructions were to make sure she gathered “not too few.”

First of all, it is not easy to admit to others that we are in need. It takes both faith and humility to do this. Yet, it is important not to hide our need from others. God will use our very weaknesses and struggles to minister to others, as we share how He has met our need. This is the one of the ways that the risen Christ becomes visible to others.

As Beth said, “We have to embrace our need. Our need is our invitation to experience the miraculous!”

Secondly, this desperate woman was told not to just gather one or two jars, but many. We need to be just as bold in our prayers.

As Beth said, “Don’t ask for a few. Stop being so polite about your faith! Have you been attacked? Attack back with your faith!” 

(Beth then shared that after being inspired by her son-in-law’s preaching on this passage of Scripture, she collected some empty jars and placed them all along the mantle above her fireplace to remind her that “there is a jar-gatherer in all of us. It’s time to find her!” ).

After she had gathered all the jars she could, her instructions were simple: “Shut the door upon you and your sons. Then pour out the oil you have into all those vessels, setting aside each one when it is full….when the vessels were all full….she came and told the man of God. He said, “Go, sell the oil and pay your debt, and you and your sons live on the rest.” (vv.4-7).

There are all some seasons in life where we need to shut yourself in with faith. Don’t listen to the naysayers. Soak in the Word. Believe God.

Because she had obeyed God’s plan, she and her sons were miraculously delivered. There is truly NOTHING that is impossible with our God. He can take our little and make it overflow into abundant provision. He sees our plight and He ALWAYS has a plan!

**************

Now we turn our attention to the second woman mentioned in this Scripture passage (who Beth called “Girl Z”).

This lady and her husband were very wealthy and they were also generous. They added a room onto their home for Elisha, so that when he was visiting the area, he would have a place to stay. When Elisha asked if there was anything he could do for her, she told him she didn’t need anything.  She was “fine.”

2. God didn’t call us to “fine.” He called us to FAITH. 

Fine isn’t the point.

Beth recalled a question her pastor asked when he was preaching on this passage that spoke to her in a powerful way: “Do you want to live in the supernatural provision of God where you experience the miraculous or do you just want to live a humanly explainable life?”   

Wow.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to get to the end of my life and be able to explain it all. Where is the glory of  God in that?! I have already been privileged to live the unexplainable and it is one wild, exhilarating ride! There truly is nothing like walking through this life with Jesus.

It turns out that Girl Z did have a need that all her money could not buy: she was childless.

When Elisha told her that she would have a son in a year’s time, her reaction was vehement: “Oh!” she exclaimed. “Please, sir, don’t lie to me! You are a man of God!”  (v. 16)

In the modern vernacular, Beth said that she was saying, ” Don’t mess with me!”  This was obviously a very tender area in her heart. How many years had she yearned for a child?

People in Girl Z’s situation learn to live like this:” Do the safe thing. Don’t ask for anything so you will not be disappointed. Don’t risk loss. Don’t risk getting out there where it’s rough.”

Beth mentioned that when we choose to live like this, we end up living a little life because we ask little and risk little.

God has not called any of you to a little life! We are called to an astonishing life! Risk! Then experience a dramatic story and supernatural provision!

(She had us write out the word ‘faithfulness’ then cross out the word faith).

We want to find a way to be faithful without the faith. Then all we have left is fullness, which creates a vacuum that we try to fill with various things (ex: doing good deeds, possessions, etc.).”

She made it clear that she is not talking about material blessing and provision, though that is certainly part of the equation. Rather, “We are to live in the abundance of Christ!”

3. Fear is the crippler of a walking, talking miracle.

We all deal with fear to some extent.

Beth quoted Ps. 44:5 which says, “Through You we push back our enemies; through Your Name we trample our foes.”  She said it is time to push back the enemyEarlier this year, she wrote out 7 pages of “fear nots” in the Bible and read one page a day. You can find this on Beth’s blog and print out your own copy.

After doing this every single day, faith replaced fear…so much so that Beth did not even recognize herself three months later and she wrote in her journal “I have no fear. Who is this You are making me???”  That is the power of His Word and His resurrection life that flows through our hearts.

“Are you still accepting the lie, ‘This is how it’s always going to be?’ Are you still drawing breath? Change is always possible! What could God begin to do TODAY that in 3 months, you could ask, ‘Who is this You are making me???”

4. Faith trusts that every call to forsake is a call to also take.

In Christ, everything He asks us to forsake (such as fear), He gives us something to take (courage).

Just as Elisha promised, Girl Z conceived and had a son the next year. Several years passed and then tragically, her son fell ill and died in her arms. She immediately went to find Elisha, knowing that his God was her only hope.

You can hear the anguish in her voice as she says to Elisha, “Didn’t I tell you, don’t raise my hopes?”

Elisha came to her home immediately and attempted to revive her dead son. The boy began to grow warm again but he was not yet fully alive. Elisha’s first attempt failed.

What happens when we fail? When we believe Him for something and it doesn’t happen?

Do we run or hide OR do we get on our faces before God?

We cannot allow our failure become faithlessness. 

The bottom line is that we want to control God… We want a list of things to do so we can do those things and have some control. But Jesus says NO! Get out there in the wind and the waves and find yourself some fiery faith!

5. Faith faces the fact that there is no formula. 

If there was a formula, we would go for the results rather than the Redeemer.  Pray with expectation! We may not get exactly what we’re asking for, but He WILL be faithful!

We live with mystery. He is GOD and we have to trust Him. Do you have enough security in Him to trust Him with the mystery? In the marrow of your bones, do you believe that He is good? God does NOT have a dark side! 

If what we asked for in believing faith doesn’t come down, that means that something is up!

He never says no to us without a good reason!  His ways are higher than our ways. (Isaiah 55).

6. Faith rests its case on the resurrection of the dead. 

Miraculously, God raised Girl Z’s son from the dead! That was a preview of Christ, who would one day rise from the dead on our behalf.

If Jesus died and rose from the dead, is there ANYTHING He cannot do?!

Within you is the same resurrection power that raised Jesus from the dead! Ask Him to fill you up to overflowing and do what only He can do! 

Beth brought up a question that we may have as we read this account. Why doesn’t God raise the dead in our day?

She went on to share a concept. The wonders of God under the established  Old Covenant  were primarily external & secondarily internal. 2 Corinthians 3 tells us that the O.T. saints saw glory.

In contrast, the wonders of God under the established New Covenant were primarily internal & secondarily external. 2 Cor. 3 tells us that the N.T. saints see a surpassing glory. 

Today, the biggest wonder He wants to perform is IN human hearts. WE become the miracle! Every single believer was stone cold dead spiritually and has been raised from the dead. 

Do you want to be powerfully used by God? You can be. It’s up to you. Spiritually speaking, gather your jars. He won’t do a wonder without your cooperation. It’s up to you to receive it.

The biggest wonder God wants to perform is not just for you but in you!

7. The Lord speaks; many, many women spread the good news. (Ps. 68:11, NET Bible)

It is our immense privilege to spread the good news that Jesus came for us, that He lived a perfect life and died in our place, taking the punishment that we deserved so that we could have the priceless gift of eternal life.

Now get out there and spread the good news!

If God does not part your sea, He wants you to walk on it!

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Here I Am To Worship


I found it ironic that in my last post, I wrote about being so grateful to have a place to go when we get hit hard by life. That place, of course, is God’s throne, where He rules in absolute control…even when things on this earth seem so out of control.

I published the post and headed to the high school track to walk. I had just started to walk when my cell phone rang. It was my mom’s cell phone.

I hate to see her cell phone number.

I mainly see that number when she is calling to tell me that she is in the hospital.

At 77, my mom is generally quite healthy but there have been a few times over the years when she has had to go to the ER. This was one of those times.

“I’m in the hospital,” she said, sounding tired and frightened. She went on to tell me that she had had a TIA. Her cousin Elaine was with her and she was waiting to be admitted. She told me about the events that had led her there and promised to keep me posted. We said our “I love yous” and disconnected.

I felt a lump in my throat and my heart started pounding. It was a brilliantly sunny day. High school students played flag football on the field and further down the hill, elementary children were out for recess in full force, their loud laughter piercing the early afternoon air.

I felt small, scared and helpless. I only have one parent left and  I was not ready to say goodbye.

The first place I went was to the throne that I had written about earlier. I poured my heart out to Jesus, who is firmly seated on that throne.  He is the Author of life and knows every day that has been allotted to each of us. He is close to the broken-hearted. He collects all our tears in a bottle. He is intimately acquainted with our fears. He draws near to us in our time of need. I was so grateful that I had somewhere to go during a time like this. I took comfort in knowing that nothing takes Jesus by surprise.  Even though I couldn’t be with my mom in that Pennsylvania hospital room, He was there with her.  My prayers reached His ears and He sent His peace pouring into my heart.

After praying, I began to text and call dear friends and ask them to pray. Hearing their familiar voices and reading their words was such a comfort.

When I climbed into my car to head back home, the voice of Michael W. Smith filled the air from my CD player. His version of “Here I Am To Worship” was just starting. I began to sing along as I drove and knew that for the rest of the day, I would listen to that song over and over again.

Worship always replaces worry.

Worship calms fears and soothes frayed nerves.

Worship fills the empty places with His fullness.

Worship silences the lies of the enemy.

Worship replaces the gray with  the bright colors of joy.

Worship brings blessed peace to troubled hearts.

Worship allows our spirits to rise above the confines of this earth and gain a much-needed eternal perspective.

Worship focuses our attention like a laser beam on Jesus and His power and loving-kindness.

Worship reminds us that He gives beauty for ashes and promises to work all things for the good of His own.

All day long, I listened to that song, and my faith became stronger than my fears. Yes, my fear was still there, lurking, but I didn’t allow it to overwhelm me.

As it turned out, my mom was fine. All her tests came back clear and she was released from the hospital yesterday.

I am so grateful.

Whatever you are going through as you read this, do not hesitate to use praise as your most powerful and effective weapon.

Even if you do not get the happy ending you were hoping for, trust His heart and know that His purposes are good and kind.

Praise or fear?

The choice is yours.

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We Will Never Forget


Photo credit: SKJ in NYC

My son interviewed me for his history class yesterday.

His assignment was to talk to someone who had lived through September 11, 2001…the day that the veil was pulled back and we all saw a glimpse of hell.

It was hard to put myself back into that horrible day; the day that had dawned so bright and beautiful with no hint of the darkness that was about to descend.

A phone call from my friend Ida Mae at 8:50 a.m. that morning forever pierced my illusion of safety in this world. A quick flick of the remote control filled my cozy family room with the ghastly and gruesome images that I never thought I would see on American soil.

When the initial thought that this must have been a terrible mistake was proven false by the second plane slamming unmercifully into the second tower, the tears flowed and I felt as if all the breath had been knocked out of me.

I ran to check on my kids, who were at the time only 4 and 5 years old. They were happily playing, oblivious to the world gone mad around them.

I just wanted to drink in their sweet, innocent faces and keep them safe forever.

That day passed both quickly and in agonizing slow motion. At one point, it seemed as if the bad news would never stop coming, as we saw planes crash into both the Pentagon and a remote field in Pennsylvania. Nobody knew what fresh horror would appear next. Phone lines buzzed with both rumors and fact. Formerly reticent family and friends were quick to offer “I love you’s”.  Tomorrow was no longer certain, as all those souls who entered eternity that day could attest.

I never remember feeling so vulnerable, so scared, so small. When my husband came home, I hugged him as if I would never let go.

This world didn’t feel like home anymore to me. Of course, it was never supposed to.

A new ladies fall Bible study was to begin that evening at my church. The woman in charge decided not to cancel the event. She called me to say that she wanted to open her home to anyone who wanted to come, feeling that we all needed to be together.

It turned out to be the best decision.

We all arrived that evening at 7:00, in a rather shell-shocked state. Some tears were still fresh, some had dried. All hearts were heavy.

Together, His daughters took our prayers and heartache to the Throne of Grace…the ONLY true shelter in any storm.

How beautiful it is that because of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross, we have a place to go with our fears and heartaches. As terrifying events unfold here on earth, we know deep down that they do not have the final say. There is a greater, more beautiful Reality than anything we can see.

Our God reigns.

You, O Lord, are enthroned forever. —Ps. 102:12

God reigns over the nations; God sits upon His holy throne.—Ps. 47:8

The Lord reigns, let the earth rejoice…clouds and darkness are round about Him…righteousness and justice are the foundation of His throne. Fire goes before Him and burns up His adversaries round about. His lightnings illumine the world; the earth sees and trembles. The hills melted like wax at the presence of the Lord, at the presence of the Lord of the whole earth. The heavens declare His righteousness and all the peoples see His glory. —Ps. 97:1-6

Our God sees.

His eyes are on the ways of man and He sees all his steps. —Job 34:21

Our God comes.

Our God comes and does not keep silent; a fire devours before Him and round about Him a mighty tempest rages. —Ps. 50:3

Our God avenges.

The Lord is a jealous God…the Lord avenges and is full of wrath. The Lord takes vengeance on His adversaries and reserves wrath for His enemies.—Nahum 1:2

Upon the wicked He will rain quick burning coals or snares: fire, brimstone, and a dreadful, scorching wind shall be the portion of their cup. —Ps. 11:6

(No, those hijackers were NOT greeted by virgins in paradise as they had been led to believe. They were greeted by the risen Christ in all His terrifying wrath because they had refused His sacrificial death for their sins).

Most of all, our God loves and our God saves.

For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He gave His only Son, so that whoever believes (trusts in, clings to, relies on Him) shall not perish (come to destruction, be lost), but have eternal (everlasting) life.—John 3:16

Later on that fateful day, I heard a most wonderful story. As people rushed down the stairs of the towers, not knowing if they would live to see the exit, there was one man who began to yell out the Gospel message to all who would listen.

“Believe on the Name of Jesus and be saved!” He yelled, bringing the very words of LIFE into death and fear and terror.

That is what I love about the beauty and simplicity of the Gospel message.  It is so simple that a child can understand it but so rich and deep that we will spend an eternity learning of its wonders.

Those people in that stairwell did not have to see a priest. They did not have to perform penance or do good works. They did not have to undergo elaborate religious rituals, empty of meaning.

They had to do one thing: believe that Jesus was God in human form. That He had come to this earth to live a perfect life in order to die the perfect death for sinners who had no way to get to a holy and righteous God. That He paid the penalty we owed so that we could be forever free.

The thief who was crucified next to Jesus illustrates the sheer power and  this wondrous simplicity of the Gospel.

He had nothing to recommend him.

He was a vile criminal, dying a horrific death for crimes that he had committed.

He was helpless to save himself from impending death…both physical and spiritual.

Yet he looked upon Christ and believed.

One of the criminals who were hanged railed at Him, saying, “Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us!” But the other rebuked him, saying, “Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? …We are receiving the reward due our deeds but this Man has done nothing wrong.” And he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” And He said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in paradise.” —Luke 23:39-43.

The sheer grace of this moment takes my breath away.

It is the sheer grace of our Savior, Jesus Christ that still saves today.

And it is because of that salvation, that grace, that we can know a better Day is coming. This world is not our home. All that is wrong will be made right. Jesus will come again. Evil will not triumph. It will be dealt with in perfect justice and eradicated forever. Our magnificent God is in the process of making all things new.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the former heaven and former earth had passed away and there no longer existed any sea. And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God, all arrayed like a bride beautified and adorned for her husband.

Then I heard a mighty voice from the throne..saying, “See! The abode of  God is with men and He will live among them and they shall be His people and God shall personally be with them and be their God.

God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more; neither shall there be anguish, sorrow, and mourning, nor grief, nor pain any more, for the old conditions and the former order of things have passed away.

And He who is seated on the throne said, “See! I am making all things new.” —Revelation 21:1-5

Amen.

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No More Eye Rolling


Photo credit: Bogdan Szuta

She rolled her eyes and my heart broke a little.

The “she” was my daughter’s good friend. Her father had just very enthusiastically told her his plans for the two of them for the rest of the day.

“I’m going to show you around some of the places that were special to me,” he said, with a big grin on his face. “I figured it would be fun for you to spend some time with your old dad.”

I could not help smiling at his excitement. But then I looked at his soon-to-be 15 year old daughter  and my smile faded when I saw that eye roll.

We had spent the day together, driving our kids down to Boston to attend an information session offered by the college that she and my kids all want to attend. My husband and I drove down with our son, while Julia and her friend rode with her dad.

I had listened to him try to share memories with her as we had lunch and saw some of the sights of the town where he used to live.

Her reaction was barely concealed indifference.  She was neither hearing him or seeing him. Not really. Yes, she heard his words and her eyes watched him as he talked but that was as far as it went.

“PAY ATTENTION!”  I wanted to shout at her—not in anger but in sadness and heartache. “You only have one father! Listen to him! THIS TIME IS A GIFT!!!”

Of course, I said none of those things. We said our goodbyes and I watched them walk to their truck together.

The sight made want to cry.

I was the same way as a teenager.

I mostly endured the  time with my parents and lived for the times when I could be with my friends.

I listened with half an ear when they told me about their younger lives, but it was nearly impossible for me to imagine that they were anything other than my parents.

Every so often during my teenage years, I would have a recurring dream that my dad had died. I would wake up crying, then I would feel so relieved when I would hear him puttering around in the morning getting ready for work. He was still here!

I was so happy that I would greet him with uncharacteristic enthusiasm that morning and resolve to be nicer to him than my sometimes self-absorbed, bratty teenage self usually was. That only lasted a couple of days, of course.

What I would give to be able to listen to his stories today.

I am so grateful that I had a second chance, so to speak, during the last week of my dad’s life. I think he instinctively knew his time was short and he wanted to talk. He shared memory after memory with me: his childhood in Donora, PA, his time spent in the Air Force during the Korean war, what it was like when my brother and I were younger, and most sweetly his thoughts on my mom, his bride of nearly 40 years at that point.

“I still can’t believe that someone so beautiful would be interested in someone like me.”

I treasure those last moments with my dad and always will.

The point is, we have to stop taking the people in our lives for granted.

I try to teach that to my kids as often as I can.

Today, make it a priority to see your loved ones. Listen to their stories. Treasure them.  Give them your full attention for at least a few minutes of every day.

I will do the same.

Yes, it takes time to be this intentional. However, it is worth every effort.

And if you are so blessed as to have a parent or parents who are still living, pick up the phone and give them a call. Better yet, if you live close enough, stop by and see if they will tell you a story or two.

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How To Love A Sandpaper Person


Photo credit: flickr

There is someone in my life that I just do not understand. (It is no one in my immediate family).

The behavior mystifies me and I truly struggle at times to show Christ’s love.

However, I  recently had a major breakthrough so I thought I would  blog about it to help someone else who is dealing with what author Mary Southerland calls a “sandpaper person.”

One morning when I was going to be in the company of this person, I was literally on my knees, asking Jesus to pour His love for her into my heart, as He promises to do in Romans 5:5. In my flesh, I just did not have it in me.

He answered my prayer almost immediately in rapid-fire succession.

1) He showed me that I am as broken as she is.

After my prayers, I checked in with one of my favorite blogs and read these words (the author was writing about someone in her life who was hard to love): “…when logic said that I should be angry or might love her less, I couldn’t…and as I saw the extent of her brokenness and mine, I loved her even more.” 

Those words stopped me dead in my tracks as I heard the voice of Christ speak to my heart through a Shaun Groves song called “No Better” :

When you throw your stone, aim it at the heart
Where every crime comes from, where every stumble starts
And save the next for me; muster all your skill
‘Cause sin in secrecy is the hardest kind to kill

Lay me down with the liars, brawlers, thieves, and backbiters
Lay me down with the others, cause I’m no better.

There’s no justice here; it’s just as well you know
We’ve all got hell to pay
And grace pays all we owe

Lay me down with the takers, politicians, cheats, and heartbreakers
Lay me down with the others, cause I’m no better.

Jesus used the words of Katie and Shaun to gently remind me that my sandpaper person and I are in the exact same boat.  We were both born into sin, enemies of God, hopeless to save ourselves from the hell that we deserved.

The only difference is that Jesus has opened my eyes to the glorious fact that He took the punishment that I deserved in order to set me free.

She is still bound in her sin, still  resisting the blazing, penetrating, loving, and convicting love of her Savior. She hasn’t  yet  accepted the fact that perfect divine justice and perfect divine love met at the Cross so that she could be forgiven and made new.

That very cross is the place where she can take her list of grievances, her hurts, her pain and find healing…but she is not willing.

I have been very bit as stubborn and prideful and hard-hearted as she is in my life.

It has been said that the ground is level at the foot of the cross. There is only One who is lifted up there. Only One who holds the key to beautiful redemption. Only One who has the power to take our sins away and grant us forgiveness.

The choice is up to us.

At this point in time, she is saying no. She is refusing the precious gift that is offered to her.

My job is to love her right where she is, just as others loved me when I was in her place. This love (the love of Christ) is most often not a feeling; it is an action. It is a determination to love the unlovely, to pursue them even in their ugliness, to see with heaven-filled eyes of faith what they could be when they are redeemed by their Savior’s love.

His command to me in this instance is simple: Love the broken. Pray with all your strength. Watch Me work.

2) The lost have no redemptive revelation of God.

I am continually amazed at my sandpaper person’s insistence on reciting her personal woes. Not just once, but over and over again, like a dog fruitlessly chasing its tail or a broken record.

Her vision cannot seem to go beyond herself and her small, claustrophobic world.

Look around you!” I practically want to shout, frustrated by the extreme self-centeredness. “There is so much more to life than you and your issues!”

Then Jesus showed me this verse: “Where there is no vision (no redemptive revelation of God) the people perish.” (Proverbs 29:18, Amplified version).

Lost people can be quite incapable of seeing anything beyond themselves and their concerns.

As a Christian, I know that I am the created, that my small story is but a whisper of His huge story. I serve a limitless God who does “exceedingly, abundantly above all that I could ever ask, think, or imagine” (Ephesians 3:20). He is the Author of life itself. He teaches me to look outward. He calls me to go, to help, to serve, to invite, to invest. He commands me to die to self that I might really LIVE. 

He has shown me what it means to look at all people and problems and situations redemptively.  

My God makes all things new! Nothing is impossible with Him! He gives me eyes that see beyond the natural, giving me a thrilling glimpse of His redemptive work.  Living life with Jesus is having a front row seat to watch the seemingly impossible become possible!

What a tremendous gift! 

This dear one who I struggle to love has no such vision…because she doesn’t know the God who created her and longs to be known by her.

All she can see is her problems and her solutions (none of which ever work, leaving her more frustrated and depressed than ever). She thinks that it is up to her to fight her own battles, to defend herself, to set everything right, to figure it all out.

How exhausting. How sad. How hopeless.

She doesn’t know that there is One who promises to be her Shield, her Rock, her Protector, her Guide.

And right  there, Jesus fills my heart with compassion that had run dry.

3) She is my mission field.

I began to listen to my new favorite song, “Sometimes” by David Crowder. I was singing along with David and as I sung the words, “Oh God send me!” it was as if Jesus physically materialized beside me and said, “Please stop thinking of that line so romantically. I am not sending you to Africa or China. Right now, I am sending you into this day minister to her.  She is your mission field today.”

I listened to His Voice. I obeyed His command. I went forward into that day in His strength. And He was faithful to love her through me.

All the “sandpaper people” in our lives are our misson field, aren’t they?

There are no accidents with our God. Nothing is haphazard.

The sandpaper people have been placed very carefully and purposefully into our lives. If we will allow Him to, Jesus has much to teach us through them. They are actually gifts in disguise.

*They help us confront our own weaknesses.

*They teach us about the stubborn, pursuing and perfecting love of our Savior who never gives up.

*They remind us how lost we were until Jesus found us.

*They teach us to look at the world through the eyes of Christ, rather than simply human eyes.

*They show us how utterly bankrupt we are to love anybody more than we love ourselves.

*They help us learn to love, REALLY love in the true and pure biblical sense of the word.

Can you ask Jesus (as I did) to help you see your sandpaper person as His love gift in disguise? Can you thank Him for the opportunity to draw closer to Him as you agree to be His partner in the thrilling and exhilarating work of redemption?

My goal is that what is said of the Proverbs 31 woman in verse 20 would be true of me as I deal with sandpaper people, present and future:

“”She reaches out her filled hands to the needy (whether in body, mind, or spirit). 

May it always be so from this day on…in His strength and power.

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Cone Of Protection


Photo credit: flickr

Our friend Darrin is a race car driver.

One day before a race, a friend of his gave him a bright orange traffic cone magnet to put on his car, joking that he had one on his car and had never had a wreck. He called it his “cone of protection.”

When we moved to wild and crazy streets of South Florida, Darrin gave us our own “cone of protection” for our cars. It was silly, of course, but it made for a good laugh.

(We lost ours in a car wash).

On Saturday night, our family found ourselves in the emergency veterinarian waiting room with our dog Buddy.

All Buddy has ever wanted is for his family to all be in the house at the same time. He does not adjust well when we travel and he is left behind (usually with my long-suffering brother, to whom we owe a huge debt of gratitude).

This summer has been an unusually busy one and Buddy is not pleased. We noticed a few days ago that he had chewed off much of the fur on this right side due to stress.  We were worried that it would get infected, so we decided to take him in to be examined.

He was given tranquilizers, cream for the infection, and antibiotics…as well as a big plastic “cone of protection” of a different sort wrapped around his head to prevent him from bothering his wound.

Buddy is not adjusting well to his cone at all.

As I have watched him struggle over the past 24 hours,  I have noticed several spiritual truths from his experiences.

*Once the cone was put on, Buddy was completely immobilized. He could do everything he did before but it was as if the presence of the cone caused him to freeze. He seemed to be afraid to move.

How often are we immobilized by a circumstance that floods us with imaginary fears? How often do we allow something external to cause us to believe that we cannot even move, let along finish the race we have been called to run by the very One who has gone before us?

These are lies straight from the enemy of our souls. Nothing, no one, and no circumstance  has the power to stop you. Why? Because the very Spirit of Jesus lives in you!

…thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumph (as trophies of Christ’s victory)…2 Corinthians 2:14.

You, as a Christ-follower, are a trophy of His transforming power and matchless, wondrous grace to a watching world.

Claim your identity and move forward in faith. Do it now.

*When Buddy did decide to move, he stumbled quite a bit because as he tried to move forward, he kept his head down. This caused the cone to drag along the ground and he couldn’t make much progress. If only he would have raised his head, he could have walked unimpeded.

When we refuse to LOOK UP  and remember that God’s eternal and good purposes are always at work for His highest glory and our highest good, we stumble every time. There is more to this life than what we can see with our eyes. As John Piper says, “Our God is always at work in a thousand different ways that we cannot see.” 

Choose to “look up” today by opening His Word and saturating yourselves in Hisprecious and exceedingly great promises” (2 Peter 1:4). Those promises are stronger and truer than anything you are currently facing. Circumstances never have the final word. God’s Word does.

*Buddy did not understand that the burdensome cone was their for his protection. If left to his own devices, he would continue to bother the wound and make it much worse. The cone serves a greater purpose than Buddy can see. That cone will allow his healing to take place.

Have you considered that your “cone” that you may be railing against has been placed there by your Savior who is passionately and tirelessly committed to your healing? The love of Jesus is not a passive love. It is fiery, all-consuming, and deeply dedicated to restoring and redeeming what is broken in our damaged hearts. If He has deemed it necessary that you need a “cone” in this season of your life, trust His heart. He can do no wrong. There is a reason and a purpose. As I have heard Beth Moore say many times, “Your healing is on the other side of this thing!” Believe it.

*Buddy is completely bereft and depressed because he has no way of knowing that he will only have to wear this cone for 7 days. Clearly, he thinks this is his sad lot for the rest of his life.

The late Women of  Faith speaker/author Barbara Johnson used to say that her favorite verse in the Bible was “...and it came to pass.” No season lasts forever. Every trial comes to an end. As I tell my kids constantly, “Jesus always knows what He is doing.”  Either He will change your circumstance or He will flood your heart with His grace so that you can (joyfully and triumphantly) endure it. He is always willing to give you an abundance of HIM…and He is more than enough.

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through the knowledge of Him…(2 Peter 1:3)

*Buddy could not figure out how to maneuver his cone in order to get his to his food. (We never said he was the smartest dog! 🙂 ). So he just stood there and whimpered. Doug took pity on him and sat down beside him, picked up some food, and fed Buddy by hand. If Buddy wanted to eat, he had to humble himself to come close to Doug to be fed.

In much the same way, when a “cone” appears in our lives, this is Jesus’s invitation to come closer to Him. In order to do that, we need to humble ourselves and admit we need help. Standing still and whining does no good whatsoever. Our relationship with Jesus is never neutral. We are either moving toward Him or away from Him.  Our flesh naturally wants to run away but that is always to our detriment. Make the decision to move in close to the only One who can truly help and offer real comfort. His heart is kind towards you. His intentions are good and noble. His goal is nothing less than intimacy with you. 

He carries you close to His heart (Is. 40:11) 

He is near to you when you are brokenhearted (Ps. 34:18)

He speaks tenderly to you. (Hosea 2:14)

He desires to see your face and hear your voice (Song of Songs 2:14).

He wants to give you rest and restore your tired soul (Ps. 23:2-3)

Whatever you are going through as you read this, trust Jesus.

He knows.

He sees.

He is in absolute control.

His timing is perfect.

He is at work for good in your life. Always.

And maybe pray for patience for my family as we spend the next week with a dog who looks like this: 🙂

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The Joy Of Giving


Photo credit: diamond girl

Last night, I happened to see a reality show about a New York City woman who was planning her wedding.

Her mother had been saving for many years for her daughter’s wedding and was determined to spare no expense to make the day a fairy tale.

What followed truly boggled my mind:

*She, her daughter, and the daughter’s finacee flew to Italy for the sole purpose of picking out the glasses that the bride and the groom would use for their first toast.

*The bride happened to see an outlandish wedding dress in a runway show and knew that was the perfect dress for her big day. The bridal shop had it in stock and she loved it. When she asked the price, the saleswoman told her, “It’s ONLY $34,000!”

The giggling bride tells the camera, “Well, my mom said she was willing to spend $100,000, so I guess this is a bargain!”

*The bride insisted that she have special eyelashes for the big day.

The false eyelashes were made of mink and dotted with real diamonds.

*The bride’s trademark look was pink lipstick and she wanted to pick a special shade for her big day. She, her mother, and one of her bridesmaids looked at every single shade in a makeup superstore, yet nothing was deemed perfect. Could a custom shade be made? Why, of course it could…for a price. Various shades of pink were mixed until the “perfect” shade was attained and the bride and her mom were happy.

*The carpet at the reception venue was not acceptable to the mother…so she had it replaced! (This was an enormous room).

For one night.

How many guests do you think even noticed the carpet?

*Orchids were the bride’s favorite flower. Just one costs $25. However, she had to have thousands of orchids at her wedding. You do the math on that one.

*The excitement was high the day the custom made toasting glasses were delivered from Italy. Alas, they did not match perfectly…so they would not be used at the reception. When the bride told her groom that her mother had vetoed the glasses and they would have to find something new, he dryly commented, “I’m sure the guests will say, ‘Wow, that was such a beautiful wedding…until we saw those hideous toasting glasses! That ruined everything!”

Sadly, the sarcasm was completely lost on the bride, who was already wondering where in the world she would possibly find new toasting glasses at this late hour!

Oh the humanity!

*Speaking of the groom, everything he wanted for the wedding was vetoed by his future mother-in-law. When told that he was upset, this woman simply shrugged her shoulders. She could have cared less. He was simply a means to an end to allow her baby girl to have her dream wedding day.

After all this meticulous planning, the wedding went off without a hitch. The bride’s mother never told her how much she spent on the wedding but it must have been easily in the seven figures.

I found this entire show repulsive and it made me angry. It also made me sad.

It was repulsive because I have rarely seen such extreme. non-apologetic, and nauseating self-indulgence.

I know that people have a right to use their money any way they like. I get that.

However, there is just so much need!

*At least of humanity lives on less than $10 a day.

*For the 1.9 billion children in the developing world, there are 640 million without adequate shelter ( 1 in 3); 400 million with no access to safe water (1 in 5);  270 million with no access to health services ( 1 in 7).

* 2.6 billion people lack basic sanitation

It made me angry because with all the needless waste that was spent on that  one day, so many could have been helped. There are so many who are trying to make a difference who could use money to fund their amazing work:

Katie  in Uganda

Gwen in America

Megan in Haiti

Steven and Mary Beth Chapman in China

Franklin Graham with Samaritan’s Purse

Compassion International

Christine at A21

And it made me sad because these people are so in love with the trinkets of this world that are passing away. I do have compassion for them.

“I have seen everything that is done under the sun and behold, all is vanity and a striving after the wind.”—Ecclesiastes 1:14

No amount of money can buy peace with God.

Behind all the glitz of this world lies a  hollow emptiness that can never be filled.

The truth is that EVERYTHING (including our money) belongs to God and we will all give an account to Him as to how we use His resources during our time on this earth. (Matthew 25:14-30).

He has dealt with me on this issue big time and much of that has been very painful. However, it has been worth every tear and every struggle as my heart has been pried away from the  temporary treasures of this world and redirected toward the true treasures of eternity.

My first thought is no longer, “What can I get?” but “What can I give?”  

God has blessed us so we can bless others.

I have learned that the more you give, the greater your joy. Not just a little joy either…I am talking huge, overflowing, abundant JOY.

Be a good steward. Resist the urge toward self-indulgence all the time (no, I am NOT saying that it is wrong to enjoy nice things. Just keep it all in perspective). Open your eyes to see the need all around you.

And give generously.

Our God loves cheerful givers!

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Self-Imposed Bondage


I have been experiencing a one woman revival this summer.

Jesus has used an incredible author named Paul David Tripp to introduce me to my true self and in the process, shine His beautiful and healing Light into a heart that was in need of divine tending. (more on that in posts to come).

I have never known such peace and joy in my 34 years of following Christ.  Everyone in my life has noticed the difference…especially those who live with me everyday!

As I was reading Tripp’s  book Instruments In the Redeemer’s Hands this morning, this question stopped me dead in my tracks:

“In the face of powerful emotions and desires, what will we do? As sons and daughters of the King, will we live in self-imposed bondage to our emotions?”

That was a “eureka!” moment for me.

I have lived in self-imposed bondage to my emotions for most of my life.

I am by nature a passionate person. I feel things very deeply. Generally, anyone in my vicinity knows what I am feeling too. (And sometimes that has not been pretty).

For so long, I didn’t feel like I could control my emotions. I often consented to go along with whatever ride they wanted to take me on.

That’s a tough way to live. It is also not the way Jesus calls His followers to live.

Tripp goes on to ask, “Will we submit to the mastery of our sinful desires?”  (That is exactly what the enemy wants us to do, by the way).

“OR…will we grab hold of the promises of the gospel and turn in a completely different direction?”  (That is exactly what Jesus wants us to do).

Whatever kingdom you are currently serving will determine which route you follow.

In his powerful, convicting, and beautifully written book The Quest For More: Living For Something Bigger Than You, Tripp teaches that each of us lives for one of two kingdoms every single day: your kingdom (that is only the size of your life) or God’s kingdom (which is the size of eternity).

The little kingdom of self is ruled by your wants and desires. In that case, you are ruled by your emotions and what is best for you. Your world is actually very small and filled with frustration because the rest of the world hasn’t received the memo that you are the center of all things.

The big Kingdom of God is ruled by wanting to please the One who created all things and redeemed you at such a great cost. In that case, you are lovingly and joyfully ruled by your Savior and your chief aim and passionate pursuit is to bring glory to His matchless Name. Your world is actually huge and filled with joy because you are fulfilling your destiny, the very reason you have been created.

For years I lived for the little kingdom of self, all the while thinking I was living for the big Kingdom of God. Oh how subtle and deceitful the heart can be! (Jeremiah 17:9).

But now that Jesus in His amazing grace has revealed the truth to me, I have walked away from that little kingdom without looking back.  I have no desire to ever return to its claustrophobic confines, now that He is showing me what it looks like to choose His Kingdom every day.

It is glorious.

As a result, no more self-imposed bondage to my emotions. No more allowing circumstances to dictate my mood. No more feelings of helplessness in the wake of powerful negative emotions that beg to be acted upon.

I cannot tell you how GOOD freedom feels!

My one job description as a Christ follower is obedience to His Word that flows from a fully surrendered heart that is totally in love Him.

He tells me to love Him and love my neighbor as myself. Then He gives me the grace and power to do just that. (Philippians 4:13).

Unleashing a flood of negative emotions on those around me is NOT loving them. That is Satan’s way.

Giving powerful negative emotions full entrance into my mind, creating untold amounts of worry and fear is NOT Jesus’ way. That is Satan’s way.

As Bible teacher James MacDonald might say, “Down with Satan’s way!”

The good news of the resurrected Christ allows me to choose another, far better way. I can say “no” to being ruled by my emotions as I serve the little kingdom of self and say “yes!” to Jesus whose spirit is joined to mine and  and serve Him and His purposes in the strength He provides.

Take a good look at your life today. In what areas are you allowing your emotions to rule? Why? What is the payoff for you? (hint: it’s nothing good).

Can you choose today to release yourself from your self-imposed bondage to their chaotic rule?

You do this by drawing close to Jesus and choosing to submit to how He would have you live, which He clearly outlines in His love letter to you.

And do yourself a favor: order Paul David Tripp’s A Quest For More as soon as possible. You will be so glad you did!

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This & That


In my last post, I mentioned that Doug and I were on our way to an outdoor wedding in Rhode Island. The forecast called for heavy rain and high winds but I am delighted to report that it was wrong.

Although the sky turned a threatening gray and the wind picked up quite a bit right before the ceremony began, the rain held off and the wedding and reception were absolutely beautiful.

I first met the groom when he was nine years old and his mother and I had  become fast friends. We caused that poor boy untold embarrassment with our antics over the years.

It has been a joy to watch him grow up and I am honored that I was invited to share his special day.

I also told him now that he is a married man, he can stop calling me “Mrs. Brown.” 🙂

****

On Angie Smith’s recommendation, I read a most wonderful memoir called The Middle Place  by Kelly Corrigan.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Middle-Place-ebook/dp/B0012095DK/ref=dp_kinw_strp_1

She is not a believer and there is some language but I absolutely loved this book. Kelly’s writing made my childhood come alive in living color (we are only two years apart in age) and I identified with the close bond she had with her father.

The very first line captivated me and brought me to tears:

“George Orwell once said something about how childhood necessarily creates a false map of the world but it’s the only map we’ve got and no matter how old we are, at the first sign of trouble, we take off running for those fabulous countries.”

I totally relate to that.

My childhood map was drawn on a dead end street dotted with nineteen houses in a small town in western Pennsylvania. I loved it there and to  this day when I return, happy memories fill my mind. It seemed like such a simple time. Dads worked, moms stayed home and gathered on front stoops with iced tea and coffee, and kids played from morning until darkness fell and the lightning bugs lit up the night with their mysterious and beautiful brilliance.

To me it seemed like a magical place, exempt from the sorrow of real life. Of course, it wasn’t. The years would show that the mother of two of my friends had been an alcoholic who died full of bitterness and cirrhosis of the liver . My classmate Kenny O’Toole was killed in a car accident just before we were going to be juniors in college. Another classmate suffered a tragic fall and was paralyzed from the waist down. Marriages crashed and burned and much loved neighbors began to leave this earth one by one.

But for one shining moment in time, life was sweet on Theresa Avenue and that is what I choose to remember. Sometimes when life seems hard, I close my eyes and go back there. I am forever grateful that I have those memories that time cannot take away.

At any rate, Kelly’s story is not only about her childhood but the fact that both she and her beloved father were diagnosed with cancer at the same time. Their fighting spirits are an inspiration. In addition, Kelly’s writing is fantastic.

Get the book and be prepared to laugh and cry, sometimes on the same page.

***

Last night we had my son’s girlfriend and her family over for dinner.

It was the first time that all of us got together and I am happy to report that we had a fabulous time. There was never a lull in the conversation and the laughter was frequent and loud.

Maeghan had spent the month of  July in Ireland and I asked her to bring any photos she had with her so we could hear all about her trip. Of course, since I am old, I envisioned her bringing over a stack of photos. However, she had put together a lovely computer program for us to see, where one photo melted beautifully into another.

I admire her courage at going to another country by herself at the age of sixteen.

At one point, they noticed this photo of Josh and Julia when  there were 3 and 2, respectively:

As I was telling the story of the kids’ first Halloween and how Josh felt the need to tell everyone who commented on his costume, “I’m not really Superman ya know!” I felt an unexpected lump in my throat.

My little “Superman” is now a confident and mature 16 year old who is in the process of editing his second novel, is passionate about his music, and is loyal and committed to his family and friends.

I am proud to be his mom.

And as a ferocious storm rose up and a heavy rain lashed the windows, I was grateful for the warmth and laughter all around our large kitchen table as new friendships were celebrated.

Life is good.

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Best Laid Plans…


I am not meant to go on a mission trip.

Yesterday made that perfectly clear.

My husband and I are in Rhode Island this weekend for a wedding. I have known the groom since he was nine years old. He is the son of one of my very dearest friends, Ida Mae. (I wrote about our friendship here). He is marrying his high school sweetheart, who a beautiful young lady.   I love weddings and have been looking forward to this for a long time.

Doug and I lived in Rhode Island for five years. Both our children were born here and it is a beautiful state. We had plans to visit familiar places and enjoy some time away together.

Our trip began with so much promise.

We stayed at a new hotel, which was a converted mill. All the rooms were lofts. There were polished concrete floors, concrete walls and exposed pipes. It was all very industrial, yet somehow still warm and welcoming.

We awoke very early on Saturday morning and had a marvelous day that began with a trip to  The Breakfast Nook, a little hole-in-the-wall type of place that offers delicious food. When Josh and Julia were little, Doug took them there every Saturday morning, which gave me some much-needed quiet and the welcome opportunity to sleep in. To this day, the three of them have sweet memories of that place.

We then visited the beach town of Narragansett, the charming and artsy waterfront town of Wickford, and tony Newport.

We had lunch at the famous Newport Creamery, home of the “Awful Awful” milkshake (meaning “awful big and awful good). And they are!

After a full day of sightseeing and taking many trips down memory lane, we were starving and headed to one of our favorite Italian restaurants for dinner before checking into our new hotel, which was much closer to the wedding location.

(Check in time was 3:00 and at that point it was 6:30. I had an uneasy feeling that we should have called to let them know we would be checking in later than usual, but we felt that a quick call to them after dinner would suffice).

The delicious aromas that greeted us when we entered the restaurant made our mouths water.

If only the delicious aromas meant a delicious meal.

The food was tasteless. No amount of salt could salvage it.

We choked down what we could and finally gave up, paid our bill and headed for our next hotel, which advertised itself as a charming New England inn near the ocean. The website boasted enchanting photos of delightful guest rooms, each with expansive views. Before leaving the restaurant parking lot, Doug called to make sure they were holding our reservations. He was assured that they were anxiously awaiting our arrival.

As we drove the twenty minutes south, our busy day of sightseeing in the sun began to take its toll. We were really looking forward to getting settled and possibly visiting with Ida Mae and her husband, who were at the inn for their son’s rehearsal dinner.

We pulled into the parking lot and were cheered by the sight of a rambling white building with blue shutters. Mature trees dotted the lawn and the parking lot was full. Lights glowed warmly from the wall of  windows as dusk descended and we could see several people milling about inside, obviously enjoying the delights of the inn’s celebrated restaurant.

Maybe we could order something from room service, I thought to myself, envisioning a snack delivered on a cute little tray adorned with a   flower in a bud vase.

My first inkling that there would be no such luxury came when Doug came back to the car and said, “I’ll have to drive us to the barn.”

Excuse me. What?!

The BARN?

I watched in dismay as we drove away from the lovely main building with all the lovely people inside enjoying delicious food.

I’m sure it’s fine, I told myself as we drove down a small hill toward several other smaller buildings, remembering the adorable photos from the website.

It. was. not. fine.

We pulled up to a building that was indeed a converted barn. On the left was a door that said, “Rooms 11-18.” On the right was a screen door that didn’t quite look like all the hinges lined up right.

With growing trepidation but wearing a brave smile, I helped Doug lug our bags from the car through the screen door.

Have you seen the movie The Shining?

Remember that long, dimly lit hallway where the little boy appears on his bike, ominously chanting “Redrum?” (which is ‘murder’ backwards?).

Picture that.

Only creepier.

Room 11 was directly to the left of the front door…and when I say directly to the left, I mean that the open door to our room collided with the screen door. We were literally right next to the front door and as the next few minutes would attest, we would hear that door slam every time someone entered or exited…which was apparently going to be often, as Saturday night in a beach town was in full swing.

We tentatively entered our room. Visions from the website continued to fill my head…only to be dashed to pieces as reality hit.

The room was so small our bags barely fit.

Now, I do not mind cozy. When you are on a romantic weekend get away with your man, cozy can be good.

What is not good is battered wicker furniture from the early 80s. Or slipcovers covering one sad little (seemingly precarious) chair that is ripped and torn in several pieces. Or a carpet that must have looked fabulous when it was new...in 1960. Or cracked tile in the bathroom and a mirror so old that there was rust around the edges.

The charming photos from the cheerful website seemed like a cruel joke.

Someone from down the hall sneezed and it sounded as if she were sitting right next to me. Another guest was watching the Olympics and I could hear the play-by-play word for word. Yet another guest was calling the front desk to complain that the air conditioner unit was too loud.

The walls were paper thin.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and made an announcement.

“I can’t stay here.”

My eyes met my husband’s. We were both exhausted and the thought of looking for another hotel at 8:00 at night was not appealing. The day had been incredibly humid and we both needed a shower. We were still hungry due to the fact that our dinner was tasteless and dry. Yet the thought of staying in this tiny room that time forgot for two days made me want to cry.

He told me that when he had made the reservation months ago, he had asked for their best room, anticipating a romantic time away for the two of us. Clearly, they had given our room away to another guest because we had checked in so late.

So, he began to surf the web on his phone to locate another hotel.

Have I mentioned that southern Rhode Island is a resort area and it was a Saturday night in August?

There were no vacancies in the entire state.

Finally, he struck gold…a Days Inn in Groton, CT had a vacancy!

As fast as we could, we re-loaded the car, checked out of the inn and drove twenty minutes down 95 to our new hotel. I texted Ida Mae to tell her that we wouldn’t be able to see them because we were going to a new place.

Things were looking up!

We took the correct exit and saw the Days Inn sign. Except there appeared no clear way into the hotel. We saw that there was a Walmart on the left so we pulled in there, thinking we could just turn around.

It was not to be.

Walmart led us to a very long ramp…right back onto Rt. 95.

Deep breath. Okay, we will just get off at the next exit and go back around and find the correct entrance this time.

The next exit was ten minutes away.

By this time, we were laughing hysterically to keep from crying.

When we finally made it back to the hotel, once again, we could not find the entrance. Doug pulled into the Five Guys parking lot next door  to the Days Inn and said he was going to walk over to the Days Inn and ask them how in the world a guest can find the entrance!

No wonder they had a vacancy…no one can get in!

At long last, we had our keys in hand and headed up to the third floor.

The instant the elevator doors opened, the acrid stench of cigarette smoke hit us full force.

The last vacancy was on the smoking floor.

I had held off the tears until that moment, but couldn’t do it any longer.

We had no choice at this point. It was late, we were tired and smelly, and there were no other available rooms within a 40 mile radius. This was it.

We opened the door and walked into our room…only to see a giant room with a small desk, a chest of drawers with a TV on top, a refrigerator… and a sofa.

“There’s no bed!” I wailed to my husband. Hysteria was beginning to set in.

I heard movement behind me as Doug walked down a small hallway within our room and he said, “Here it is.”

Apparently, we had been given a “suite”. Oh happy day.

I followed him into a bedroom with a double bed covered in a bedspread that was torn and sported burn holes. The door (painted a hideous brown and yellow) had been kicked in at three separate places. The walls had a discolored, yellowish hue, the accumulation of years of smoking guests. It reeked of smoke and hopelessness and made me gag.

I took a much needed shower (after a careful search for any critters that might be lurking…fortunately the room was at least clean).  I climbed into bed and pulled the thin sheet and blanket over me (praying that there would be no bed bugs). Between the sound of the air conditioner that sounded like a freight train was roaring through our room and my husband’s snores, I probably got a total of two hours of sleep.  I felt like  I couldn’t breathe, so heavy was the smoke smell.

As I finally gave up and decided to venture into the next room to watch TV, I realized anew what a failure I would be on the mission field.

I am a girly girl.

I like pretty things and surroundings.

I scream when I see bugs.

How in the world would I survive jungles  or third world countries when a smoke infested hotel room in America can make me cry?

I am tough in many ways. I am a survivor.

So how can I be so wimpy when it comes to stuff like this?

It is now nearly 6 a.m. Michael Phelps and the other Olympic athletes have kept me company through this long night. I also read my Bible and prayed.

In a short while, Doug and I will attend our old church  and see dear friends before heading to the wedding.

Unfortunately, I will have bags under my eyes the size of Texas.

And the humidity for the day is said to be the highest in years, assuring  that my carefully straightened hair will be a frizzy mess when the wedding begins at 4:00.

Although no one will probably notice the hair . When I turned on the bathroom light this morning, I was delighted to discover that since I had worn  my sunglasses all day long yesterday,  I now possess that lovely raccoon effect…meaning that one can clearly see the size of my sunglasses due to the fact that my entire face got sun except where I was wearing the glasses.

I can assure you that it is a charming look.

I only hope that the two of us do not reek of smoke as a result of tonight’s hotel stay.

Did I mention that it is an outdoor wedding?

Thunderstorms and strong winds are expected.

It will be a long time before I visit Rhode Island again.

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