Riches can disappear as though they had the wings of a bird. –Proverbs 23:5
It’s true that money can be gone in an instant. (Think Enron Bernie Madoff, the current economic downturn, stock market crashes, etc.).
I had no idea how attached to money I was until my husband’s job was cut. It quickly became clear that when push came to shove, my security really was in the size of our bank account.
As the season of unemployment dragged on and the bank account grew smaller, my fear and anxiety increased.
This was a test of my faith.
It’s easy to say that you trust God when all is well and the money is flowing.
But what happens when it stops?
As our friend Bill so wisely told us, “Your job is not your provision. Your God is your Provision.”
We now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that that is true.
My God promises to meet ALL of my needs. He owns it all and is perfectly capable of providing for me. In fact, one of His Names is “God Will Provide.” (Genesis 22: 13-14). Nothing is impossible with Him.
He has provided for us in so many miraculous and wondrous ways…ways that we could never have imagined…and always just at the right time. I am in awe of how creative He is!
I am also in awe of how faithful He is. He means what He says in His Word. All of His promises are true and He will always prove trustworthy.
Here are some of those promises:
…God Himself has said, “I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake you, nor let you down nor relax My hold on you! Assuredly not! “–Hebrews 13:5
Your Father knows exactly what you need before you ask Him. –Matthew 6:8
…Those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing. –Psalm 34:10
…my God will liberally supply (fill to the full) your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. –Philippians 4:19
I have lived those words; I know that I know that I know that they are true. They are not just pretty words or wishful thinking…they are full of life and power and truth.
Even as I am writing this, these words are scrolling across the screen of a national news channel: “Stocks slammed as inflation spikes and Japan nuke fears grow…double dose of bad economic news causes quaking stocks.”
Just another reminder that our financial bottom line can change at any time.
No amount of money can prevent earthquakes and tsunamis.
No amount of money can prevent a cancer diagnosis.
Money cannot prevent a car accident.
Money cannot provide a happy marriage or good kids.
Money is a very shaky foundation on which to build your life.
So what’s the bottom line?
Having money is NOT a bad thing.
However, the security we seek to find in our finances is only a poor substitute for the unshakable confidence that is available to us in God’s unchanging nature and lavish provision.
Both riches and honor come from You, and You reign over all. In Your hand is power and might; in Your hand it is to make great and to give strength to all. –I Chronicles 29:12
This morning I happened to catch a few minutes of a talk show.
One of the guests was a successful movie director. His movies have made billions and soon his lifestyle reflected his increased wealth. He had “made it” according to the world’s standards.
On the day he finally moved into his magnificent Beverly Hills mansion, a funny thing happened. The movers left and he found himself alone in his massive foyer.
Instead of feeling fulfilled and at peace, he felt empty.
He had always thought that if he obtained success in his field that he would be “there”…that he would have finally arrived in that magical place where all was well. However, he soon realized that there is no “there.”
Following this epiphany, he experienced a health crisis and he asked himself, “If this is my last chapter what do I want to say before I go?”
He began to simplify his life. He sold his mansion and moved to a smaller home . He began to give to those in need and came to this realization: “As I emptied myself, I found myself more full.”
I have no idea what this man’s spiritual beliefs are, but what he said is very biblical. (Acts 20:35).
Money does not have the power to satisfy a soul.
Case in point: in recent years, we have witnessed celebrity after celebrity meet untimely deaths due to drug overdoses.
Currently, the country is witnessing the tragic and sad meltdown of the highest paid actor on television.
The wealthiest man the world has ever known said the following:
* “He who loves money shall never have enough. The foolishness of thinking that wealth brings happiness! The more you have, the more you spend, right up to the limits of your income, so what is the advantage of wealth–except perhaps to watch it as it runs through your fingers!…The rich…worry and suffer insomnia.”
* “I said to myself,’Come now, be merry; enjoy yourself to the full!’…Anything I wanted, I took and did not restrain myself from any joy…but as I looked at everything I had tried, it was all so useless, a chasing of the wind.”
This man’s name was King Solomon and those quotes can be found in the book of Ecclesiastes.
As the above verses indicated, he indulged in every single thing money could buy…and much like that director found only deep and raw emptiness.
So, what did he ultimately conclude?
“Here is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey His commands, for this is the entire duty of man.” –Ecclesiastes 12:13. (note: the word fear in this verse means: “reverence, to stand in awe, honor, respect.”).
It all comes back to our Creator.
We were created by Him and for Him. Nothing on this earth…including money…can ever fully satisfy us. We will always want more. That is human nature. But the only thing we can crave more of and not have it ultimately destroy us is Christ: “Our God is an inexhaustible reservoir of infinitely satisfying spiritual delights. God will never lack for what will fascinate and intrigue and enthrall you. You will never devote yourself to understanding God and one day say, ‘Well, that’s all there is.’ No. There’s always more! “–Sam Storms, Pleasures Evermore
When you belong to Christ, you have everything. You possess all you will ever need because He is the Source of all things. He alone is your inexhaustible supply! (see I Chronicles 29:11 and Philippians 4:19).
That knowledge leaves you free to hold loosely to your wealth…to give freely and joyfully..so that your wealth does not have an unhealthy hold on you. I have firsthand knowledge of this and will continue the story in the next post.
“Money never made any man happy yet; nor will it. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of filling a vacuum, it makes one.”–Benjamin Franklin
One of my favorite Scriptures is Psalm 125:2: As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds His people both now and forevermore.
Our home is surrounded by mountains. So anytime I feel afraid, I look at those mountains and it brings strength to my soul. It is a reminder that no matter how scary things may look, my great and powerful God surrounds me.
The word surround in this verse means: “on every side, to encircle, to enclose, to envelop.”
Those words bring to mind a recent photo that our nephew shared with us. He and his wife just had their first child last month and they sent us a photo album via email. In one of the photos, his wife is holding their cozily swaddled son close to her. She is looking down at him with pure love and he is sleeping peacefully, knowing that he is completely secure.
As Christians, that is our situation positionally, regardless of what kind of chaos is swirling around us. I may not feel safe when trials come, but I cling to what I know is true and the feelings eventually do catch up…especially as I observe how wonderfully God provides in the midst of it all.
I began to wonder what else surrounds us as believers, and I wanted to share what a search through the Bible revealed:
We are surrounded by God’s goodwill, pleasure, and favor (Psalm 5:12)
God delights in us. He accepts us. He desires us. He loves us with great affection.
“When God thinks about you, His child, His heart explodes in glad celebration. There is divine jubilation beyond words when Almighty God ponders His own.” –Sam Storms, The Singing God.
We are surrounded by songs and shouts of deliverance (Psalm 32:7)
The original word for song means: “ringing cry, cry of joy, to sing for joy, to rejoice.”
Can you imagine what the Voice of God singing and rejoicing over your sweet life sounds like?! One day, when we are finally in His physical presence, we will hear that beautiful song. Until then, we can know that His song rings out strong and clear in the spiritual realm.
“If it were possible to eavesdrop on solar systems millions of light years away, would we hear anything? Is there sound in space? I believe there is one voice that would indeed be heard. Even now, in the farthest reaches of infinity, among the trillions and trillions of stars yet unseen by human eyes, echoes forth the passionate Voice of the Father, singing about His love for you and for me.” –Sam Storms, The Singing God.
Not only is He rejoicing over us, but He is also singing about our deliverance. That word means: ‘to bring into security, to bring into safety.” I could cry when I think back over all the times when I saw no way out of certain situations and was tempted to despair. However…He always delivered me to a place of safety. Always. And it was hardly ever in the way I imagined it would happen…it was better and could only be explained by His supernatural intervention. I will never get over His goodness!
“The God who is present with you is also a God of unlimited power. He is a mighty Warrior, a strong and victorious Hero who fights on your behalf.” –Sam Storms, The Singing God.
We are surrounded by His unfailing love. (Psalm 32:10)
What comfort it is to know that His kindness, goodness, mercy and favor surround us at ALL times.
The good news is that we can go beyond just knowing that this is true; God wants us to “feel the joy of being loved. He wants us to receive His love personally and powerfully in a way that is life changing…He invites us to ‘taste and see that the Lord is good’ (Psalm 34:8) and to find in Him ‘exceeding joy.’ (Psalm 43:4).–Sam Storms, The Singing God.
Whatever your situation today, allow these truths to permeate your soul.
You do not know the least thing about what may happen tomorrow. What is the nature of your life? You are really but a wisp of vapor (a puff of smoke, a mist) that is visible for a little while and then disappears into thin air. — James 4:14
Life changed dramatically and irrevocably last week for those affected by the earthquake and subsequent tsunami in Japan.
The earthquake occurred in the middle of the afternoon during the work week. One moment, employees may have been stressing about meeting a deadline; the next, they were fighting for their very lives as the earth rolled. Some people were buried alive in their homes by landslides; others were swept away as the merciless wall of water obliterated entire towns.
Each of those people opened their eyes that morning having no idea what awaited them. Some would survive; some would enter eternity.
A dear family friend passed away nearly two years ago. At her funeral, the minister quoted a Scripture that had a profound effect on me: All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139:16).
The God who created you, the God who knows all things, the God who possesses all wisdom, has ordained a life span for you and for me.
It is non-negotiable.
It is not open to debate.
It does not hinge on whether or not you believe it.
It is fact.
There are no ordinary days.
Each ordained day is precious.
Each ordained day is a miracle that cannot be repeated.
We GET to live!
All of life is a gift…even the seemingly “mundane” parts.
We cannot take even one moment for granted.
“Wherever you are, be all there.” — Elizabeth Elliot
See the faces of your loved ones.
Laugh freely and often.
Feel the warmth of the sun on your face.
Truly taste your favorite foods.
Listen to the music of life playing all around you.
Each of us has been created by God for God. (Colossians 1:16-17). Our life may be a vapor compared to eternity but we are “dust dignified by Divinity” as author Jill Briscoe has said. Each of us is created in the very image of God; therefore, each life is of inestimable value.
When all is said and done, what do you want your life to have been about?
Jesus was very clear about the purpose of life. He said, “This is eternal life: that they know You, the only true God and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent.” (John 17:3).
As John Piper writes in his excellent book Don’t Waste Your Life, “What is eternal life? It is to know God and His Son, Jesus Christ. No thing can satisfy the soul. The soul was made to stand in awe of a Person–the only Person worthy of awe. All heroes are shadows of Christ. We love to admire their excellence. How much more will we be satisfied by the one Person who conceived all excellence and embodies all skill, all talent, all strength, and brilliance and goodness?”
Everyone’s life on this earth ends in coming face to face with a Person.
We are all traveling toward Jesus, whether we acknowledge that or not. (At the Name of Jesus every knee will bow…and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. — Philippians 2:10-11)
Some will see Him as Savior.
Some will see Him as Judge.
It is your choice. Everyone has been given free will.
I beg you not to miss Him.
He promises that if you truly seek Him, you will find Him.
He is EVERYTHING. He is Joy. He is Peace. He is Good. He is Kind. He is Love.
He is LIFE itself…vibrant, blazing, all-encompassing, beautiful life!
You get one shot at this life. It is not a dress rehearsal. In light of eternity, this life is a vapor.
This is a photo of him when he was fifteen months old.
Where has the time gone?!
When he was 19 months old, his sister Julia was born. When Doug brought him to the hospital to meet her, I greeted him and said, “Josh, this is your sister!” He leaned in to take a good look at her and said with great enthusiasm, “Hi Sister!” To this day, that is what he calls her. He has never called her Julia…just “Sister.” Oddly enough, my mom’s brother called her “Sister” which was later shortened to just “Sis”, so I suppose Josh is carrying on a family tradition. 🙂
Today, he is nearly 6′ tall. He runs 5K races and is my workout partner at the gym. Soon his dad and I will be sitting in the stands cheering him on when he competes with his high school track team. He loves playing Airsoft with his buddies, camping, and hiking the many mountains near our home.
He plays the clarinet, the oboe, the piano, and the bass guitar and enjoys playing in both the high school band and a community band called New Horizons. This thrills me, as I have no musical talent whatsoever. I love the sound of his music filling the house.
Even as a young teenager, Josh has a strong sense of self and is fiercely independent. He was an extremely strong willed toddler which made for some major parenting challenges. However, it has been wonderful to see all that energy now directed toward what he is passionate about, producing a focused, self-directed, and goal-oriented young man.
His sense of humor and dead-on impressions keep us laughing.
He sees much of life through the lens of his camera. Last summer, he had his first paid gig as a videographer at a local wedding. I will never forget watching him walk out the front door wearing his suit, holding a tripod, with two camera cases slung over each shoulder. He looked so professional. My little boy was growing up.
I am so proud of him. It is a joy to be his mom.
“Son, you outgrew my lap, but never my heart.” —Author unknown
I was completely taken by surprise that writing yesterday’s tribute to my dad unleashed a torrent of grief within me.
While it has been nine years since he died and I miss him everyday, I thought that the days of deep grieving marked by bouts of sobbing were over.
Not so.
Grief is a funny thing. One moment you can be doing just fine and the next you are plunged into the reality of your loss all over again and grief crashes into your day like ocean waves pounding over a sea wall during a storm.
The body remembers.
I experienced this truth twice since my dad died.
The first thing I heard that last morning as I walked into my dad’s ICU room was Elton John singing “Daniel.” For some reason, the nurse had turned on the radio and it was playing softly in the backround. At that moment, I said to myself, “I never want to hear this song again.” I just knew that hearing that song would forever take me right back to that moment in time; a moment that I was wishing with all my heart was not happening.
And it did.
Two years later, I walked into a CVS store to pick up an anniversary card. Just as I got to the card aisle, “Daniel” came over the speakers…and I just froze. I wanted to run out of the store but I literally could not move and the tears just started to flow. The cards blurred before my eyes and while I was physically standing in that aisle, my mind had taken me right back to that room in the ICU. Once the song ended, I dried my tears, purchased my card, and walked back into the Florida sunshine, reminded afresh that I was a daughter without an earthly father.
The second time this happened was just two months ago. I was enjoying a date with my husband and we had been having a wonderful day, full of laughter and good conversation. We decided to get some lunch and had just been seated at the restaurant when “Daniel” began to play over the loudspeakers. Right before my husband’s eyes, his wife, who had just a second ago been laughing, suddenly dissolved into tears and was overwhelmed with the pain of searing loss.
I have learned that when grief makes a sudden and surprising appearance that it is okay.
It is normal.
It is a sign of how strongly and fully we loved.
It is important to let the tears flow, feel the loss, remember the joys.
But above all, allow Hope to reign.
After my dad died, I had to find an outfit for his funeral, so I went to the mall by myself one afternoon. It was early December and the mall was festively decorated. Happy Christmas music was streaming through the sound system and everywhere I looked people were smiling and laughing. It was almost more than I could bear. It felt cruel that there was all this merriment surrounding me while my heart was broken.
After purchasing an outfit, I walked to my car and with each step, my anger grew. I resented the fact that the Christmas season was in full swing with all its brightness…while my life now seemed covered in a heavy blanket of gray…dull and colorless.
I got into the car and slammed my door shut, angry tears beginning to spill as I poured out my heart to Jesus.
Suddenly, His still, small voice spoke to my spirit: “Be glad that it is Christmas.”
His tender voice was unmistakable but the message confused me.
“How, Lord?” I asked.
“Because Christmas is a celebration of the fact that I came!”
Right there, in a crowded parking lot in Bethel Park, Pennsylvania, the radiant colors of Joy returned to my life.
As a Christian, I do not grieve without hope (I Thessalonians 4:13-14). Because Jesus came to this earth, lived a perfect life, paid the penalty for my sin on the cross, died, and rose again, death is not the end…it is only the beginning of eternity.
My dad knew Jesus as his Savior and as a result, the moment he left this earth, he was ushered into the presence of Christ. He is more alive now than he ever was. I will see him again…all because Jesus came!
Our relationship has not ended…it has only been interrupted.
Jesus reminded me of this the night my dad died. Unable to sleep when we returned home from the hospital, I found my dad’s Bible. He read it everyday and kept a ribbon to mark where he had left off. I opened it to see what he had been reading that last day and saw this: “…we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.” (2 Corinthians 5:8)
My dad was HOME. His earthly journey was complete. He was face to face with his risen Savior and he now “knows God in that deep, personal union, that utter euphoria of experiencing Him.” –Joni Eareckson Tada, When God Weeps.
Our hope as Christians is not wishful thinking…our Hope is the very Person of Jesus Christ and the reality of His resurrection. Therefore, that hope is “a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul” (Hebrews 6:19)..even (especially) when our hearts are breaking.
So yes, the tears will come and grief will still break into our days at the most unexpected of times.
However, we do not have to stay in that place of grief; we do not have to settle down there. There is always Hope, no matter how deep the pain…because Jesus came.
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love.”–Washington Irving.
My dad, Ralph, was born on March 10, 1931 in Donora, PA. He would have been 80 years old today.
He was the youngest of six children, was passionate about baseball and dreamed of being a pilot. Due to his bad eyesight, that wasn’t meant to be but he did join the Air Force during the Korean War and was stationed in the Philippines. The photos below were taken on the base:
Following his time in the service, he obtained his college degree at the University of Pittsburgh. Shortly after that, he met my mom Mabel on a blind date, and they married on June 16, 1962:
My dad adored my mom. Toward the end of his life, he shared with me that after nearly 40 years of marriage, he still couldn’t get over the fact that such a beautiful lady had been interested in him. I can still remember the faint sound of wonder in his voice and the faraway look in his eyes as he recounted their wedding day. It was such a sweet moment.
I came along three years later in 1965. Here I am surely impressing him with my mad guitar skillz:
Dad and me
The 70s produced endless opportunities for cringe-worthy clothing, as this photo clearly displays:
I’m not so sure my dad would be happy that I have posted that photo on the world wide web, but this is actually one of the more mild ones that I could have chosen! As I recall, that leisure suit was powder blue. My dad was obviously very secure in his masculinity. 🙂
I loved to hear my dad laugh. Sometimes he would laugh so hard that tears would just stream down his face. I have that in common with him. This is one of my very favorite photos of him because it so captures his personality. He could spin a story like nobody else:
Another thing my dad was famous for was The Christmas Pants.
Anyone reading this who shared holidays with us is smiling right now because this was always a highlight of the day.
My dad was well-known for being a snazzy dresser. (with the exception of the above 70s photo, obviously). However, on Christmas Day 1987, he made a huge fashion faux-pas when he inexplicably decided to wear plaid pants paired with a shirt that had a wide horizontal stripe emblazoned across the chest. We were all incredulous that he would wear that shirt with those pants and teased him mercilessly all day long. By the end of the day, he vowed that he would wear those same pants every Christmas for the rest of his life…and he did!
Right before coming downstairs on Christmas Day, he would loudly announce: ” The Christmas Pants are about to make their appearance!” Then he would descend the stairs with great pomp to cheers and clapping. It was all just silly fun but we looked forward to it every year. In the photo below, my dad is modeling the famous pants with my mom and our son Josh, who was five:
In 1994, Dad retired as the head of human resources for a branch of the Department of Energy. He was deeply respected by his co-workers as a man of integrity, who was tough but fair, and saw and nurtured potential in his employees. He was excellent at his job because he was deeply perceptive. He could read people like no one else I’ve ever known. Within five minutes of meeting anyone, he had their number and he was always right. It was almost eerie.
This came in very handy when I brought Doug home to meet my parents for the first time. It didn’t take Dad long to pull me aside and say, “This guy is all right.” I couldn’t have asked for a better vote of confidence. (Not that I had any doubt!). 🙂
Dad was so proud to walk me down the aisle. He knew I would be in excellent hands.
One of the great joys of Dad’s life was becoming a grandfather. Julia had him totally wrapped around her little finger.
Dad and Julia on a bike path in RI
In 2002, my dad began to experience shortness of breath, so he went to the doctor to have a stress test. The results were shocking. Only 20% of his heart was working. None of us could believe it. Dad was a lifelong health nut…he exercised daily, watched what he ate, and took a ton of vitamins. He was the last one we would suspect of having a bad heart.
This was on a Friday and the plan was for Dad to have a bypass operation first thing that Monday morning. We were in New Hampshire and couldn’t get home to Pittsburgh in time. So, that Sunday night, Dad and I had a tearful phone conversation. Knowing the risk of surgery, we didn’t know if this would be our last conversation, so we said everything that needed to be said.
At one point, I told him that I was pretty sure I needed him on earth more than Jesus needed him in Heaven.
I could hear the smile in his voice when he said, “It’s a win-win for me. If I survive the surgery, I get to continue enjoying my wonderful life. And if I die, I go to live with Jesus. See? Win-win.”
He never did have the surgery. Once in the operating room, they realized that his heart was so badly damaged that he would not survive an operation. So, they sent him home and put him on a regimen of strong drugs in hopes that those drugs would build his heart up to a point where he could have a bypass.
He was released the week before Thanksgiving, so Doug and I made the decision to take the kids and go home to Pittsburgh for the holiday. We spent all of Thanksgiving week staying at my childhood home. My dad looked more frail than he ever had but he was in excellent spirits.
It was a wonderful week. I spent a lot of time with Dad. He shared memories with me that I had never heard before and I asked him a million questions. I think that deep down, we all knew time was short.
Thanksgiving Day dawned bright and sunny and to this day, I remember the laughter. We laughed all day long, especially after all the relatives arrived. I had the videotape going all day long, intent on capturing as many moments as I could. When I watched that tape later, I could see that Dad was quieter than he usually was. At one point, I left the machine running as we sat around the table. I didn’t notice it at the time, but the tape revealed that as he sat at his customary spot at the head of the table, he eyes rested purposefully and thoughtfully on each face, as if he was trying to memorize us, especially his grandchildren.
The next morning, my family and I left early to head back to New Hampshire. As I hugged him one last time before we hit the road, I said, “Bye, Dad.”
He smiled at me, shook his head, and said, “Let’s not say goodbye. Let’s just say ‘see you later’.'” He told everyone that he loved us and we were on our way.
That was the last conversation I had with my dad. He had a massive heart attack later that day and never recovered.
My mom later related that as he had finished his breakfast that morning, “Amazing Grace” came on. He listened for awhile and said, “I love that song” before going into the family room for the final time.
And it is precisely because of the amazing grace of our beautiful God that I will see my dad again when we meet in Heaven.
This is the last photo taken of my dad. I took this on a Tuesday and he had his heart attack that Friday:
(If you look closely, you can see Julia hiding next to the sofa). 🙂
He has been gone for nearly nine years now and I miss him everyday. I miss his sense of humor, his advice, his stories, his seemingly endless knowledge of trivia, his incredible wisdom. To this day, I regret that I didn’t speak at his funeral. I wanted to but I just didn’t have it in me at the time. So, this is my way of honoring my dad’s memory in a way that I didn’t get to do on that day.
The most amazing thing happened just as I was finishing this post.
My dad loved to sing. He had a deep, rich voice and he sang constantly. One of his all-time favorites was the classic song “Smile” by Nat King Cole. I have so many memories of him singing that tune.
I had just finished writing about how much I miss him…when one of the contestants on American Idol began to sing… “Smile.”
I froze and immediately began to weep. It was as if Dad had literally just walked into the room. The TV singer’s voice faded and all I “heard” was my dad singing. I just sat still and let the tears fall.
Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile…if you just smile.
I will close this post with a photo of the lady who made my dad smile more than anyone:
Happy birthday Dad! I love you. And I can’t wait to see you again.
We were having a discussion and I found myself making a judgmental pronouncement about a mutal acquaintance. It wasn’t mean and it wasn’t rude, but it was completely unnecessary and I had no business saying it.
I am grateful that my friend (gently) called me on it, which resulted in me asking for her forgiveness. The second I left and began to drive home, I asked the Lord to forgive me as well. I felt terrible and slightly ill. I know how awful it feels to be judged; yet I was willing to do that to someone else. And I know better!
When I got home, I turned on my computer with the intention of continuing to write a draft I had begun earlier. It was a “pretty” post with a good, edifying message. It would have been a perfectly fine message to post tomorrow. However, try as I might, I could not make any progress on it.
I realized I had a choice to make: Am I going to be real on this blog or am I going to paint myself in the best possible light and not admit to messing up?
I have no interest in wearing a mask here; I have learned in real life how futile that is. Nobody has it all together and to pretend differently is a waste of time and helps no one.
So, this post may not be pretty, but it will be real. 🙂
We have no way of knowing the real truth about a person’s life, but it is so tempting sometimes to think that we do. We observe what we can see and think we have all the answers. We may feel somewhat smug, imagining how we would handle the situation. How many times have I said to myself, “Well, if that was me, I would…blah, blah, blah.”
This is exactly the opposite attitude that Jesus calls me to exhibit. He expects me to be merciful: “Be merciful (sympathetic, tender, responsive and compassionate), even as your Father is all these.” –Jesus (Luke 6:36).
I cannot possibly be merciful unless I continually remember how merciful Jesus has been to me.
Our former pastor in Florida always used to say, “Preach the Gospel to yourself every day.”
Why is that so important? Because I can never forget that in His mercy, He came to me because I had no way of going to Him. He willingly took my sins upon Himself so that I could be free. I can never forget that I owed a debt I could never pay and Jesus paid it for me. He forgave me…how can I then turn around and not show mercy to others when I have been shown such shocking and lavish mercy?
I can’t.
When I made that thoughtless comment this afternoon, I was temporarily forgetting the Gospel.
I was conveniently overlooking Jesus’ very clear command: “Do not judge and criticize and condemn others so that you may not be judged and criticized and condemned yourselves.” — Matthew 7:1
There it is, plain and simple.
I am so grateful that I have a Savior who is always waiting with open arms when I come to Him in repentance and willingly and joyfully grants it. He is the Author of fresh starts and second chances. His mercies are new every morning: “…His compassion never ends. It is only the Lord’s mercies that have kept us from complete destruction. Great is His faithfulness; His lovingkindness begins afresh each day.” — Lamentations 3: 22-23.
As the saying goes, everybody is fighting some kind of battle. This life can be so harsh on all of us. I do not want to make this world an uglier place with a proud and judgmental heart, so I will continue to ask Jesus to give me His eyes of compassion and mercy for everyone I see. I will ask Him to put a guard on my mouth so that I will speak only what is edifying to others. I will meditate on Jesus’ definition of love as found in I Corinthians 13:4-8: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”
I can feel my blood pressure drop by several points when I cross the state line.
Sunset over Newport, RI
My husband and I lived there for 5 years and it was one of the sweetest times of our lives. Our children were born in Providence and we bought our first home in the southern part of the state not far from the ocean. (We were able to see past the pink dining room with hand-painted purple wisteria on the walls, as well as more (badly) hand-painted pink and peach flamingos and palm trees that bordered the entire circumference of the kitchen. Unlike my mother, who went home and cried the first time she saw it).
It is a land of lighthouses, beautiful beaches, charming little seaside towns, fabulous restaurants, close-knit families, fine universities…and some very interesting customs and vocabulary. (Simple disclaimer: what I am about to relate is written with true affection).
Providence
For example, the first time my husband and I went to a restaurant after we moved, I ordered a milkshake without even looking at the menu. I was pregnant and having major ice cream cravings. Pretty simple request, right?
Not in Rhode Island.
The waitress smiled at me and said, “You’re not from here are you?”
When I said no, she nodded knowingly, then proceeded to educate me. “See, if you order a milkshake, I will just put milk into a glass and shake it around a little. But I’m guessing that by saying ‘milkshake’ you are talking about a blend of milk and ice cream?”
I nodded, casting a sideways glance at my husband. Had we entered an alternate universe?
“In these parts, that is called a cabinet, so that’s what you need to say when you order.”
A cabinet???
But that’s furniture! It’s certainly not a milkshake!
She helpfully pointed to the dessert portion of the menu and sure enough, there it was. I had my choice of a chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry cabinet. Over the years, I never did get used to seeing that word on a menu.
My RI education on the fine art of milkshakes continued when we visited our local Newport Creamery. If you wish to order a milkshake, you ask for an “Awful Awful.” (that stands for “awful big and awful good!”).
Native Rhode Islanders call pasta sauce “gravy” and call gravy “sauce.”
A “Swamp Yankee” (sometimes shortened to “Swamper”…and pronounced “swampa” by the locals) is one who was born and raised in RI and has never left the state…and never intends to. Swampers are proud of their heritage, fiercely independent and self-sufficient.
A “bubbler” (pronounced “bubbla”) is the RI name for a water fountain.
Coffee milk is the official drink of the state. It is not, as I first imagined, milk added to a cup of coffee. It is coffee syrup added to a glass of milk.
I also learned that native Rhode Islanders do not like to drive more than fifteen minutes away from their homes. For anything.
Our landlord’s son was an oncologist. He once told us that when new patients called his office, they would ask where it was located. If it was further than the magic fifteen minutes, several patients would find somewhere closer to home…despite the fact that he was one of the best in his field.
My husband’s commute to his job was thirty minutes, sometimes more depending on traffic. His coworkers could simply not comprehend this. When we bought our first home and it was even a little further away from work, they were incredulous and unable to process the fact that someone would choose to spend so much time commuting.
I am not kidding when I say that I met RI natives who had never been to the beautiful town of Newport because it was more than fifteen minutes from their home.
If one must travel 45 minutes or more (for example to a wedding), reservations are made at the nearest hotel and a full meal is packed into a cooler to take along on the trip.
It is, without a doubt, the most unique place we have ever lived…and we truly loved it. We made some of our very best friends there. Living just minutes from the ocean was a joy. Block Island–about 12 miles off the coast of RI–is one of our all-time favorite places. It is only accessible by small plane or ferry and is known for its stunning beauty, historic lighthouses, lovely beaches, and easy, simple way of life.
Hotel Manassis on Block Island
a beach on Block Island
I was able to go back to Rhode Island last week for a girls weekend. Happy memories filled my mind as I traveled those familiar roads, and I thanked God for allowing us to live in this special place. To me, it represents a simpler time in my life: a season of laughter and lightness, sweet memories, and carefree days, a time when the kids were little and everything was magical, and both of my parents were still alive.
A part of my heart will always be in the Ocean State.
If you’ve never visited, do yourself a favor and make the trip. And be sure to have a cabinet while you’re there! 🙂
“Are we not like two volumes of one book?” –Marceline Desbordes-Valmore
My friend Ida Mae is one of my heroes.
In 1997, our son Josh was a toddler and I was pregnant with Julia. We were new to town and I was desperately missing my friends in PA and CT. We decided to visit a church in Narragansett one Sunday and that is where Ida Mae and I first met. It didn’t take long before we were talking daily on the phone, which would inevitably result in gales of laughter. Oh, the laughter…the kind where tears stream down your face and your stomach muscles hurt.
We complete each other’s sentences, can read each other’s minds, and joke that we are so similar that surely we must have been separated at birth. Although I left Rhode Island eleven years ago, our friendship has continued unabated.
The first time we went out to dinner with our husbands, we spent most of the night discovering even more things that we had in common…including the unlikely fact that at one time, we were both bitten on our behinds by a German shepherd and as a result, live in fear of this particular breed! After listening to this for quite a while, Jim turned to Doug and said:
“Hey Doug, when you mail a letter, do you put a stamp on it?”
“Why, yes, Jim, I do!”
“Me too!”
Wise guys. 🙂
For the record, here is one of my favorite photos of the four of us: Jim, Ida Mae, me, and Doug:
Our adventures always seem to end in laughter.
In particular, there was one afternoon when we went with Jim and Doug to see Mission Impossible. Like all good girlfriends do, we left the movie at one point to go to the ladies room together. The moment we hit the lobby, we began to talk a mile a minute and our chat continued the entire time we were in the restroom. As we were washing our hands, we suddenly noticed that there were urinals present. Our eyes widened with surprise and we said said to each other, “This must be a uni-sex bathroom!”
Because who wouldn’t come to that conclusion???
Until we came into the lobby and saw a man standing there, arms crossed. Unsmiling and clearly not amused, he said, “Ladies that is not a ‘unisex bathroom.’ You were in the men’s room!”
We laughed so hard that we could not even go back into the theater for at least 10 minutes.
When Ida Mae came to visit me in Florida, we decided to go to the Cheesecake Factory one evening. As usual, the line was a long one, so she volunteered to leave our names with the hostess and we sat down to wait our turn. When the hostess finally stepped forward with two menus in hand, she called out “Bubbles Yablonksy, party of two?”
To my great dismay, Ida Mae jumped up and propelled me forward. “That’s us, Bubbles!” she said loudly, barely able to contain her laughter at the quizzical looks of our fellow patrons.
Laughter is the constant thread that runs through our friendship and I treasure that.
Yet, as we all know, life can be hard and we have also shared many tears as well. We have been there for each other through the death of our fathers, health scares, heartaches, parenting difficulties, hospitalizations, moves, job layoffs, etc.
Jim and Ida Mae have four children and two of them have special needs. Their two oldest, Meagan and Andrew are now in the their 20s and are accomplished young people. Emily and Daniel are both school age. I have watched in amazement as Ida Mae has selflessly served as caretaker, absolutely fearless and tireless advocate, nurse, head cheerleader, and above all, loving mother to Emily and Daniel. Their needs are vast and numerous and at times, can be overwhelmingly heartbreaking. Their pain pierces Ida Mae’s (and Jim’s) heart like a knife. Sometimes there are just no words. Only tears and anguished prayer.
Yet, my friend is a fighter. She clings to her God tenaciously and chooses to believe His promises even when she doesn’t understand. She does not indulge in self-pity; she revels in the privilege of being a parent. She would be the first to tell you that the joys of parenting special needs children far outweigh the hard times.
Emily and Daniel both have a light that I have rarely seen in other people. They know they are loved unconditionally. They take the greatest joy in the simplest of things. Daniel has a delightful sense of humor. He loves swimming, playing outside, popcorn, wrestling with his older brother Andrew, and can recite entire scenes from his favorite movies. Emily is a people-person who has never met a stranger. She is passionate about motorcycles, Nascar, and chicken nuggets…not necessarily in that order. 🙂 Both have won gold medals in the special Olympics. I consider myself all the richer for having known them.
Emily proudly displaying her new Nascar outfit
Daniel
Over the years, Ida Mae has taught me what it means to live like Christ: to lay one’s life down for others. To serve. To love. To give. To pour out one’s life like a drink offering. To trust that we are always in the loving care of our Heavenly Father, no matter what our circumstances may be.
This weekend, Ida Mae told me that one of her favorite songs that she turns to again and again when life is hard is a song by David Phelps called “No More Night”. It is a daily reminder that this life is not all there is. There is coming a day when all tears will be wiped away by the nail-scarred hand of our Savior forever, all will be healthy and whole, and the very heavenly air we breathe will be joy. I’ve included the link to the song below and I hope it blesses you.
And don’t forget to celebrate your friends today. They truly are gifts.
Power Of A Moment 