Category Archives: Uncategorized

Life has been busy lately.

Prom season, end-of-year church ministries, track meets, etc.

I love it all.

Here are some highlights from the past few weeks…

There were 22 kids here at the house before last week’s prom:

Kids these days look so sophisticated, compared to the 80s when I was a teenager.

Case in point:

(You’re welcome).

I was also the prom photographer and after taking an hour and a half worth of pre-prom photos, my fabulous assistant (my husband Doug) and I drove to the prom venue to begin setting up.

It is difficult to make a ski lodge look pretty, but the class of 2014 pulled it off. The theme was The Great Gatsby.

My son and his date looked incredibly stylish and classic:

The evening was filled with high energy, great music, and good food.

However, today’s dancing had us adults at the prom perplexed.

Apparently, all you need to be able to dance these days is gather many people in a tight circle and jump up and down.

If you are a guy, it is also cool to immediately remove your shirt after dinner and spend the rest of the evening in just your vest.

I also photographed last year’s prom and by the time the prom king was crowned, he looked like this:

(His tux pants were also rolled up to his knees 🙂 ).

Ah, youth.

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Track season at our high school is nearing its end but it’s been a good one for our daughter Julia, who qualified for the state meet in the high jump.

We were just at a meet this past Saturday and I saw a wonderful example of sportsmanship.

A young man from our high school is a true track star. He runs long distances while barely breaking a sweat and is gracious to all of his fellow competitors.

After he handily won the 3200, he turned right around and cheered for all of his fellow runners as they crossed the finish line. He shook several hands, then cheered loudest for the boy who came in last.

That boy promptly collapsed onto the track, in obvious pain.

“Get up!” one of his teammates barked mercilessly.

Rather than yell at him, this young man walked over to help him to his feet until he could get to his coach.

Class act.

It’s fun taking photos at track meets because of all the cool action shots one can capture.

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May also means Memorial Day parades and our little town does it right. Seeing the faces of veterans always brings tears to my eyes.

I am so incredibly grateful for our veterans and it is always heartwarming to see so many people turn out to honor their valor and sacrifice.

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Each year, our church hosts a Mom To Mom group.

It is a place where young moms can come for a couple of hours, drop off their kids with amazing childcare workers, and be ministered to by older moms who serve as mentors. There is some teaching (via video), crafts, helpful hints, enormous support and encouragement, and of course, lots and lots of food.

Mom To Mom was created by Linda Anderson, a mom of three,  many years ago. I joined a Mom To Mom group at our local church when I was a young mom and it was a lifesaver for me.

I am still in touch with one of my mentors, Judy. She is the one who encouraged me to take the time to write because God gave me a gift and to not use that gift was to deny one of the reasons that I am on this earth.

I sent her the first Bible study I wrote many years later and she said she cried tears of joy. 🙂 She continues to inspire me to this day with our own amazing creativity.

She was encouraged to paint many years ago after putting her brushes and paints away. She picked up her brushes and became an award-winning painter. To this day, I wake up every morning and see two of her beautiful, framed watercolors on my wall which serve as visual reminders to create beauty while I am in this world.

This year, Linda Anderson herself came to visit our little church and her visit was wonderful. I am now a mentor to the young moms at our Mom To Mom and it was a thrill for me to meet the woman who has helped so many over the years.

God gave us a beautiful day.

We all found Linda to be warm, funny, wise, and extremely encouraging.

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May was also the month of our son’s last concert with the high school band.

He won the Louis B. Armstrong Jazz Award and he was thrilled

At our school, there is a long-standing tradition of giving the seniors blue blankets that they can take to college with them to remember their years in the band. After our band director personally handed out the blankets one by one, there was a massive group hug.

I may or may not have shed a tear or two.

I am in big trouble when graduation rolls around next month. (wistful smile).

Life is beautiful.

 

 

 

 

Within seconds of  beginning our conversation, she broke into sobs.

This sweet lady was a brokenhearted mother. Her child had made a grave error in judgment and the consequences were tough.

This child had been raised in a Christian home, spent many hours in church, VBS, and youth group. And yet…

All of this resulted in a cauldron of powerful emotions: anger, hurt, betrayal, pain, shock, grief, sadness, guilt.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about raising kids since my son is going to graduate from high school next month and head to college in August.

Here is what I would tell women who are in those early years of childhood:

1) Deal with your stuff. 

We all have regrets as parents. Nobody is perfect. We are all fallen people living in a fallen world and we will make mistakes. That being said, I so wish that I would have allowed Jesus to heal me of certain things as I embarked on the long journey of parenting. Then I would have parented from a place of wholeness on certain issues rather than out of my brokenness.

So be brave enough to take a good, hard, honest look at yourself. Pray that He would reveal any areas where you need healing…and then do whatever it takes to pursue healing and wholeness in that area. Allow the Healer to minister to the deepest places of your heart through the power of His Word.

Your children will thank you for it.

And you will know what it is like to live free. (not perfect, but free).

2) Stop being obsessed with externals. Have an eternal perspective.

Bottom line: who cares if your house is messy? Little kids live there! Little kids make messes. It is not the end of the world. Trust me…there will be plenty of time to have a clean house when they are grown and out on their own.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how many sports your child plays, what school they attend, how many toys they have, how prestigious your address is, or how many awards they win.

What does matter? “And this is eternal life: to know, perceive, recognize, become acquainted with, and understand You, the one true God and to know Jesus, the Messiah.” (John 17:3).

There you have it. Short and to the point.

This life is a vapor, a mist, that goes by in the blink of an eye. One hundred years from now, no one in your family line will even know your name or any of your accomplishments.

The ONLY thing that will matter is whether you spent your one short life getting to know the One who created you and loves you with a perfect, all-consuming love.

Life is really very simple. (Not easy, but simple).

There is a Creator. He created this world and He created you. He is holy. You are a sinner.  He has made a way for you to know Him by showing up on this planet as a Man named Jesus, who lived the perfect life you could not live and died the death you deserved so that you could go free.

You miss that and you have missed everything.

3). You can’t change anybody.

The ONLY person you have any control over is you. 

You can guide. You can teach. You can lead. You can discipline. You can pour your energy into being the best parent you know how to be.

But you cannot control what your child does with any of that. That will always be his or her choice.

You cannot take credit for the good that your child does and you cannot take the blame for the bad things that they do. They are their own person.

What you can do is pray your heart out on behalf of those precious ones to the One who created them and loves them even more than you do.  Find scripture verses that speak to the things you most want for your child(ren) and pray God’s Word back to Him. (Example: Ephesians 1:17-20 would be an AMAZING prayer to pray over your children).

HE is the One who does the changing of hearts. Nobody else. So quit trying and just love them right where they are.

4). Celebrate! (Don’t Compare)

You know a question I have never asked anyone upon meeting them?

“How old were you when you learned to read?” Or “When were you potty trained?”

How early (or late) your child does such things do not matter in the long run!

You are God’s Plan A for your child. God did not give your child to your best friend or to your neighbor or to the Sunday School teacher at church. He gave your child to you.

Your son or daughter is unique, created in the image of the God who made them, equipped with talents and gifts that can make a difference in this world.

Celebrate that rather than wasting precious time worrying about how they measure up against other kids.

5. You cannot prevent your children from getting hurt.

If we could, we would protect our children from experiencing any pain at all.

This is impossible.

I remember Beth Moore once saying something to the effect of, “I’ve learned my lessons by taking the field trip. Don’t do that. Please just take my word for it and learn these lessons in the classroom.”

We want the same thing for our kids, but the fact is…they are going to choose to go on the field trip.

The truth is, it is during the hard times that we learn what truly matters in this life.  Trials show us what we are made of and introduce us to our true selves so our misguided and flimsy illusions have a chance to shatter. This is a good thing because it reveals the lie that we can handle this life on our own and turns us toward our Savior. Only in Him can true strength, hope, and joy be found. The sooner our kids learn this, the better it will be for them.

6. Know that your God is sovereign.

Regardless of what happens, NOTHING take Him by surprise. He is in full control at all times and He is a safe and secure stronghold in the most ferocious of storms.

We live in a fallen world. Bad things will happen to us and to our children. Rather than being surprised, we should expect this.  (John 16:33; James 1).

But we are never alone. He is always with us. He has equipped us with His Spirit to handle anything that comes our way.

He created your children. He loves them with an everlasting love. He will never stop pursuing them.

He knows what He is doing at all times.

So when bad times enter your child’s life, cling to His promises with all your strength. Pray your heart out. Cry when you need to. Seek wise counsel. Love them with all you’ve got. Point out that with Jesus, there is ALWAYS hope. Remind them that they are deeply and eternally loved: not because of what they have or haven’t done, but simply because a great God has chosen to set His affections on them and love them.

Choose to trust Him with what you cannot understand. As Ann Voskamp says, “He is always good and you are always loved.”

Then watch Him work. Only He can bring beauty from the ashes and give joy after mourning.

7.  Motherhood is messy.

Forget all those perfect Hallmark commercials.

Do not be intimidated by the glossy, beautiful Facebook posts of impeccably dressed children smiling adoringly at their flawlessly coiffed mother.

Do not wonder what is wrong with you if you are not filled with happiness every waking moment of your parenting career.

The truth is there will be hard days. Feelings will be hurt. Birthdays or Mother’s Day may be forgotten. You will be exhausted at times. There may even be moments when you do not even like your children.

This is all normal.

It has been said that parenting is a marathon, not  a sprint.

There is no such thing as a perfect parent.

So, take a deep breath. Open your arms and your heart wide. Look for joy, even (especially) in the unexpected places. Slow down. Pray hard. Love deeply. Do what you can. Know that you cannot do it all.

Above everything else, rest in Jesus.

The world  is on His shoulders, not yours.

He is responsible for how all of this turns out, not you.

He is God, you are frail flesh.

He is strong, you are weak.

He is perfect; you are flawed.

But you are deeply and wildly loved by Him.

He has called and appointed you to be a mother. It may be the hardest role you are given in this life. Like nothing else, it will cause you to come to the end of yourself at times. Yet it is in those very moments that you come to the beginning of Him. It is then that His hope and joy and peace reign.

You can trust Him to use all of the bad days, missed opportunities, regrets, and mistakes to create a masterpiece. How do I know? Because  making masterpieces are His specialty (Ephesians 2:10) and He has promised to make all things beautiful in His time (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

The only moment you can live is right now.

So fully live it.

“My home is filled with toys, has fingerprints on everything, and is never quiet. My hair is usually a mess and I’m always tired, but there is always LOVE and LAUGHTER. In twenty years, my children won’t remember the house or my hair but they will REMEMBER the time we spent together and the LOVE they felt.”—Unknown

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you watch Dancing With The Stars, you are well-acquainted with pro dancer Maksim Chmerkovskiy. He is extremely talented, passionate, charming and is known for driving his dancing partners as hard as he can in order  to elicit the very best performance from them.

He can also be hot-headed and has a proclivity for letting loose a string of profanities when he is frustrated by his partner’s inability to follow his choreography.

Such a moment happened on last night’s show.

Maks’ partner for this season is Meryl Davis, the exquisitely talented ice dancing gold medalist at the Sochi Olympics.

Normally they are perfectly in sync but last week, Meryl had great difficulty following along. Maks went ballistic. He tossed out f-bombs, accused Meryl of being timid, and angrily placed his hand over the camera lens in complete and utter frustration.

If I am honest, I admit that I would have told him in no uncertain terms that I would not be treated in such a manner and would have stormed out of the room.

But that is not what Meryl Davis did.

She stayed.

She did not allow herself to be caught up in his toxic emotions and refused to allow the situation to escalate by remaining calm.

She did not let that torrent of anger drive her from the room because she knew that something deeper was happening in her partner’s heart. And she cared enough to find out what it was.

Approaching him, she made one request: “Hold my hand.”

And he did.

In that moment, all the anger evaporated.

“I think you’re scared,” she said gently.

“Of what?”

“I don’t know. I wish I knew.”

Then the confession: “I’m terrified.”

This giant of a man, this tough guy who moments ago had been erupting in rage, became vulnerable and got honest about his fears.

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger…a gentle tongue can break a bone.” (Prov. 15:1; Prov 25:15)

They got through the practice session and on the night the show aired, their dance was amazing. In fact, they got a perfect score from the judges and the dance was an absolute joy to watch.

After the performance when Maks was being interviewed, he was still amazed at what Meryl had done for him.

“Nobody has ever said to me, ‘Hold my hand’ before,” he said.

Talk about the power of a moment. That act of kindness will most likely remain with him for a very long time.

It was certainly a compelling reminder to me that to match anger with anger never ends well.

Give grace when you can.

 

Did you ever have one of those days?

Yesterday was one such day for me. If anything could go wrong, it did.

At one point, it all just became too much. Life has been difficult lately and while there have been many moments of grace and victory, there are also moments of frustration, heartache, and sadness.

I had to pick up my daughter at the high school, so I stormed out of the house and climbed into my car.

On the way to the high school, I had it out with Jesus. Loudly.

As I have said many times on this blog, it really is okay to do that. He can take it and He always encourages honest dialogue. If we don’t get all the ugly out, it seeps into our hearts and goes deeper and deeper until it poisons us and those around us. Bitterness kills.

“WHEN does this season end?” I asked Him, not in a disrespectful way, but with the honest questioning of one of His own who is wounded and hurt and bewildered.

“When will You turn the page on this season and lead us into a new one?”

Just then, my car turned the corner.

Our local ice cream shop had one word on their sign and it said this:

SOON. 

Not “Opening soon” or “Coming soon.”

Just… Soon.

I was speechless.

I had just been talking to a friend the day before about how Jesus is always speaking…it’s just that sometimes we miss it.

It was impossible to miss this message from Him though.

Jesus met me at the lowest point in my day and spoke a message of hope that filled me with fresh joy in His nearness, His faithfulness, and His total and complete knowledge of me and all that I am feeling and thinking.

Do you need to hear from Him today?

First and foremost, stay in his Word. The Bible is “alive and full of power, making it active, operative, energizing, and effective…penetrating to the deepest parts of our nature, exposing and sifting and analyzing and judging the very purposes of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12).

 Then  keep your eyes and ears open as you go throughout your day.

He may have a message waiting for you where you least expect it. 🙂

 

 

 

My husband, son and I sat in the guidance counselor’s office  one sunny afternoon this past fall to discuss college planning.

“So what colleges are you thinking of applying to?” She asked Josh.

He rattled off five, including an Ivy League school and four top-tier universities.

Her smile faltered and she looked down at the clipboard on her lap for a moment. When she looked back up  at him, there was a look of concern in her eyes.

“Those are all very…ambitious goals,” She said carefully, looking him right in the eye. “You must know that these Y and Z universities are probably going to be reach schools for you.” To drive that point home, she pointedly informed us of the low percentage of people actually accepted to each.

Josh maintained eye contact with her,  smiling and unfazed.

“Have you considered applying to the state schools? They would be great safety schools for you.”

“I will not be applying to those schools,” Josh said pleasantly but firmly. Our son knows what he wants and he is fearless about going after his dreams.

He and his dad had thoroughly researched the schools to which he planned to apply and those five universities represented the only places he wanted to go. He wasn’t willing to settle for anything less. (Note: we have nothing against state schools. Both Doug and I went to state colleges and had perfectly delightful experiences).

Josh’s guidance counselor  is a lovely, well-meaning woman who really cares about the kids.  But I was a  little sad that she was so discouraging to Josh because he was reaching for the stars.

Doug and I are not the kind of parents who tell our kids that they can do anything they set their minds to. That sounds nice but it is simply not true. For example, neither of our kids are going to be mathematicians or physicists, no matter who hard they try. We would never set them up for failure. We—and Josh—believed that he had the grades, the extracurriculars, and the ambition to get accepted to those schools. If that had not been the case, we would have told him the truth.

As we left that day, I couldn’t help but wonder if a student less confident than my son might have been discouraged from setting such high goals after receiving such a less-than-enthusiastic reception from the guidance counselor.

As the months went by, I received similar responses when asked what colleges my son was applying to. Widened eyes, raised eyebrows, a look of surprise. I also received several inquires as to why he was not applying to the state schools. Apparently, “everybody” does that, just in case.

“Does he really have a shot at  Y and Z?” One person came right out and asked.

“Of course he does,” I replied..because I believed it to be so.

It can be dangerous to have a big dream and share that dream with others.

People can be so quick to throw water on the tiniest of flames. They can also make you feel like you are being just a little too big for your britches, having these giant dreams. The naysayers will take every opportunity to point out that after all, you really are quite ordinary and it would be best to keep your feet firmly planted on the ground.

This past week, my son received two acceptances to his chosen top-tier schools. He was placed on the wait list for the one school he never visited. He will hear from the Ivy League university tomorrow afternoon and the other one any day now.

Regardless of what the other decisions are, we are so proud of Josh. He went for it. At the end of his life, he will not have to wonder, “What if?”

Be careful who you share your hopes and dreams with.

You have the freedom to dream the biggest dreams you can. What is your passion? What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

Dreams possess tremendous power. They energize us, give us a reason to get up in the morning,  and encourage us to be our best selves.

Don’t let the naysayers rob you of that precious gift. Nobody has the right to try to kill that part of you that comes fully alive.

The world needs you. The world needs your dream.

Go for it.

“In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take.”—Anonymous

*Update: Our son was not accepted to the Ivy  League school. That was a rough couple of days while he processed the disappointment. We were disappointed for him. However, he worked through it with the help of his friends and is delighted to be attending the school where his father received his master’s degree. We are proud of him because he went for it! He will now never have to wonder, “What if I had tried?”

We will all be disappointed in this life. I choose to deal with it as Kay Arthur has suggested: “See disappointment as His Appointment.” 

There is always a  reason.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, a commercial made me cry tonight.

I was innocently watching reruns of “Castle” when an advertisement for a local music school came on. It was the same music school that I took my son to one summer evening when he was 14 years old.

He had decided the past holiday season that he wanted to learn the clarinet in hopes of joining the high school band in the fall. I gave him my old clarinet and he went to work teaching himself to play. When he had gotten as far as he could with that, he asked for lessons.

We had driven by this music school many times, so I called and made an appointment for his first lesson for the following evening.

That night he and I walked into the lobby and met a white-haired dynamo named Mary. She would prove to be one of his greatest champions over the years.

That night though, he disappeared into one of the music rooms while I sat in the lobby reading. I would end up spending many evenings in that lobby, listening to the happy sounds of music, both from Josh’s lessons, as well as the band he had joined shortly after beginning lessons.

I came to cherish those drives to and from the music school. I loved spending time with my son, chatting about life and listening to his dreams. My husband and I drove all over the area to listen to his concerts and enjoyed getting to know the other band members.

Then one day he got his driver’s license. And he didn’t need me to drive him two towns over to the music school anymore.

I missed it.

Last night, I sat in my son’s room with him and we chatted for a long time about people and  life and hopes and dreams and goals by the light of the cheerful colored Christmas lights that he strung along his wall.

He keeps them there all year. They make him happy.

He is a lot taller than I am now. He has peach fuzz. He has so much wisdom for his age, much more than I did then.

He will turn 18 in seven days. Then he will have a big party here at the house to celebrate that milestone. (At last count, there are about 30 kids on the guest list, possibly more 🙂 ).

He now plays the clarinet, the oboe, the bassoon, the saxophone, and the keyboard.  He is a member of four bands. Next month, he will play with the prestigious All-State band.

He will graduate in June and leave for college in August.

And it all went by much too fast.

Earlier today, a Facebook friend posted the following question:

“If you had a choice of going away for a few days…or replacing a dirty, worn, gross carpet with different flooring in your living room for your anniversary, which would you pick?”

One of her friends almost immediately responded that she and her husband have been married for 22 years and have never gone on a vacation together…but they have a lovely home.

To me, that answer is extremely sad and  represents a terrible trade-off.

As I continued to watch the post, I was shocked at how many people told my friend to buy the carpet and forego the anniversary trip.

Really?

Even the most beautiful home will one day fall into dis-repair.  The furnishings within those homes will break and wear out. Nothing stays new and fresh forever.

Our time on this earth is a gift given to us by God. None of us know how long we have or what a day will bring.

I have stood helplessly beside the caskets of my best friend Tracy, who died at the age of 21; my cousin David who was brutally murdered at the age of 46; and my dad who died of a heart attack at age 71.

All of those deaths came suddenly. One moment they were here; the next they had entered into eternity.

This life is a vapor. No one is promised tomorrow.

So when I hear people telling my friend to spend the money on a carpet rather than precious time with her husband, this is just appalling.

Who cares about the new carpet?  A carpet can be replaced at any time. A precious life cannot.

What would you choose?

I have never met a more radiant, joy-filled person than  Kim Newlen.

I only met Kim once but I have never forgotten her.

Not only was Kim the founder of an international ministry called Sweet Mondays, she was also an author, inventor, speaker, and Guinness world record holder.

A couple of years ago,  our little community was blessed when Kim came to our church to speak.

My fellow Bible study leaders were asked to come in and help Kim set up before her talk that day. The minute I walked into our fellowship hall, I noticed her bright light. My friend Marj introduced me to Kim and within moments I felt as if I had known her all my life. Her warmth, her charm, her sense of  humor,  her absolutely radiant smile and the sparkle in her eyes all testified to a woman who loved life and lived every day to the fullest.

But despite her tiny frame and soft Southern drawl, she was one tough lady who had survived many heartaches and trials, including an excruciating and complicated bout with breast cancer. But rather than dim her faith, those times of testing only served to fuel an already strong faith into a blaze that could not be contained.

Rather than surrender to bitterness or a “why me?” attitude, Kim surrendered to Jesus and in turn showed all of us the resulting beauty of living a life of “yes.”

I was so inspired by her.

Several months ago, we received news that Kim’s cancer had returned with a vengeance. Every few days, a post from Kim would appear on my Facebook newsfeed. There was that same brave smile that revealed her indomitable spirit.  Even in the midst of treatment, hooked up to wires and the standard white plastic hospital bracelet around her wrist, Kim managed to add a dash of panache with a colorful scarf,  headband, or flower pin. One day, she even posted a picture of her toenails painted with bright yellow smiley faces.  🙂

Sadly, the news on her treatment got progressively worse but one of her friends wrote on Facebook, ” Despite the fact that her body has been ravaged by chemo and that she is continually weary, Kim keeps getting back in the ring, never losing her bright smile or unwavering faith.” 

After a long and valiant fight, Kim’s struggle ended yesterday and she was ushered into the presence of the Savior that she loved so much. Forever free from pain and death and sorrow, she is at this very moment basking in the joy of seeing His beautiful face.

In church today,  our pastor announced Kim’s death and shared his own memories of her. He mentioned that when she had visited the parsonage to speak to the widows in our church, she had worn high heels. Since the floors there are soft pine, Kim’s heels left imprints wherever she walked. Pastor Steve said that they are still there to this day, testifying to the fact that Kim had been there.

Then he reminded us that we all leave imprints with our lives.

What will the imprint of your life look like?

Take a moment and think about your legacy.

You are only here once. What do you want your life to say?

Kim only lived for 57 years but the impact of her one short life will continue on in countless ways. I am just so grateful that our paths crossed in this life. Her bright example will continue to inspire me, especially as I go through the valleys. I want to keep getting back in the ring, just like she did.

Please keep her husband Mark and their daughter Kali in your prayers as they adjust to life without their sweet Kim.

“Carve your names on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.”—Shannon Adler

Have you ever decided to forego the usual answer of “Just fine, thanks!” when someone asks you how you are doing?

To do that means to risk being vulnerable by deciding to be honest with the fact that you are struggling and life isn’t fun right now.

And when you do that, are you met with a Christian platitude and a big smile?

That happened to me recently and to be honest, I felt like I had been slapped.

Yes…I know that He works all things for good.

Yes…I know that He can bring beauty from ashes.

Yes…I know that this too shall pass.

In that moment when I have been honest, I do not need to be told these things.

I need someone to  just listen, to say, “I’m sorry” or “I will be praying for you.”

I am not saying that people who spout platitudes are not kind or caring. They are often well-meaning and sweet.

But they are often misguided.

Sometimes I think people don’t know what to do with Christians who are struggling. It seems to make them anxious, like they must have the perfect answer or  that they are  fearful of  standing with you on the dangerous ground of doubt and pain as if your words represent thin ice.

My faith is not wavering. I am keeping a running dialogue with Jesus as  I wrestle with Him about the things He has allowed and could have stopped.  (By the way, He totally invites us to do that with Him: Isaiah 1:18; I Peter 5:7; Genesis 32:22-32 ). I know that He is good and kind and wise, faithful and utterly trustworthy.

Wrestling is not a sign of lack of faith; it is a healthy sign of a faith that still blazes brightly in the face of darkness and questions. Wrestling is courageous and bold, a willingness to be raw and honest with your Savior, rather than sweeping everything under the rug and pretending your feelings and questions don’t exist. By the very act of wrestling, you are choosing to stay and work it out rather than run away or numb yourself with endless amusements and entertainments.

Wrestling is a refusal to listen to the taunting, cruel voice of the enemy who tells you that you have been abandoned and nothing good is coming. Rather, you open His Word and allow it to light your path (Psalm 119:105) because His Word—not your feelings or circumstances—is the ultimate reality.

For I am with you all the days (perpetually, uniformly, and on every occasion).”—Jesus (Matthew 28:20).

So, the next time a fellow believer shares a struggle with you, please refrain from talking at them by quoting a Bible verse or repeating a tired platitude. To do so is to allow them to leave your presence feeling unheard and isolated.

Instead, look them in the eye, be brave enough to enter into their struggle without feeling that you have to offer any solutions, tell them you are sorry for their pain and keep them in your prayers.

That will be so much more comforting.

Two days ago,  I dared to ask my daughter to show me how to get on Instagram.

For those of you who are not familiar, Instagram is an app that allows people to quickly snap and upload pictures from their daily lives on their smart phones or iPods, then share it with their followers.

I decided that I would like to join in the fun, so I approached my daughter with my iPod and asked her show me how to enter the exciting world of Instagram.

It was not a good sign that the first thing she did was roll her eyes.

What followed next was an hour of unprecedented anguish as a 48 year old brain tried in vain to keep up with a 16 year old one.

I watched helplessly as Julia’s fingers flew over my iPod, trying so hard to keep track of the order of her movements. I would ask her to show me again and with a long, drawn-out sigh, she would once again attempt to show me the steps.

Finally, I was able to get the hang of what to do. Julia was ready to pull her hair out at the daftness of her mother.

There may have been tears and mild hysteria on my part.

Don’t judge me.

I thought we were almost done and was ready to declare success when Julia informed me that I needed a user name in order to use Instagram.

Let me just say this: When your name is Susan Brown, practically every user name is taken. I thought of several clever variations, only to be shot down when the words on the screen would tell me to try again.

“Give me that!” Julia grabbed the iPod from my hands, clearly over this entire teaching experience.

Her fingers flew over the screen, then she said, “Here. You are all set” as she handed the iPod back to me.

My new Instagram user name was: susanbrownphotography.

“But I am not ready to start my own photography business!” I said with alarm.

Another eye roll and then, “Nobody cares! It’s just a screen name!”

Julia got up to leave, then turned to face me before she made her escape.

“By the way,” she said in all  seriousness. “Whatever you do, do NOT use hashtags!”

“Why not?” I asked. “Everybody uses hashtags on Instagram.”

She looked at me incredulously. “You cannot use hashtags because you are almost 50 years old!!!!”

“So?”

“So, you are too old!” The came the real zinger: “And you’re a mom!”

“Moms can’t use hashtags?”

“No!”

Then she paused briefly before saying, “Only a cool mom can use hashtags. Like Michelle Smith.” (The name has been changed to protect the cool).

“So….I’m not a cool mom?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

“No.”

I noticed there was no hesitation, no pause to consider the possibility of my coolness. Then she was gone.

Hmph.

Here is a picture of me taken this morning after I went outside into the frozen tundra that has become our little town in light of yesterday’s blizzard.

I ask you: is this not the face of a cool mom?!?!

No?

Is that laughter I hear all across the Internet?

Ahem. Moving on.

So, I contacted said cool mom and shared what Julia had said.

She immediately responded and told me that I could indeed use hashtags…as many as I wanted! And I would have her full support!

Emboldened, I decided to post one of my first Instagram pictures.

It was this:

I entitled it, “A Touch Of Whimsy: Jelly Bellys in the snow.”

Then I wrote this hashtag: #mydaughterthinksimweird.

She may never speak to me again.