September 13, 2011 · 9:42 am

Changing Seasons


photo credit: jurvetson

Last May, I drove away from the homeschooling co-op my kids and I have been involved in for the past four years with tears streaming down my face.

That place and those people had been such a huge part of our lives. The wonderful memories came flooding into my mind, one right after the other. It was so hard to imagine what life would look like in the new season God was calling us into.There were so many unknowns.

We tend to be thrilled when we leave a rough season of heartache or heavy testing.

Yet, it can be so hard to leave a sweet season that you thought was going to last longer.

I have learned to trust the wisdom and the timing of the One who guides my life.

Today, I marvel at the amazing surprises,  new adventures, gloriously answered prayer and filled-to-overflowing  joy  that Jesus had for our family since we clasped tightly to His hand and agreed to go along for the divine ride He had invited us to take.

This day marks the beginning of classes at the homeschooling co-op. Last May, I imagined that I would greet this day with tears, but that is not the case.

I treasure the friendships the kids and I have made there and know that they will continue. (My mom still keeps in touch with friends she has had since kindergarten. She has taught me well).

But it was time for us to move on and I am at peace.

If Jesus is calling you to a new season, don’t be afraid.

Treasure the joys of the season you are leaving behind while looking up and reaching out in anticipation to all that He has in store for you.

He knows what He is doing.

After all, He is the Author of your story…and it will be good.

“When responding to God’s direction, the bitterness of a heartbreaking goodbye can’t be compared to the sweetness of a divine hello. It is worth whatever you’re still clinging to.”—Kelly Minter, No Other Gods, p. 188

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September 9, 2011 · 4:53 am

Slices Of Life In The School Parking Lot


My daily routine now includes picking the kids up from school every afternoon.

I arrive early, put the windows down, then enjoy some reading time in the relative quiet until the bell rings and a flood of school kids stream from the building in a rush of sheer exuberance.

I am a big people-watcher and it’s always fascinating to see the various vignettes that play out on any given afternoon.

Here are some of the things I witnessed today:

*”Hi Mrs. Brown!”
The chipper voice and friendly wave belonged to a beautiful young girl who attends our church. Her radiant smile and upbeat attitude are constant, despite the fact that she is dealing with a debilitating disease that often leaves her in a wheelchair, as it did just last week. This day, she stood tall and proud, wearing her trademark bright pink. She was surrounded by her friends and when her mom arrived in the parking lot, she hugged her without a trace of self-consciousness.

I am privileged to know this family. They face a heartbreaking situation, yet continue to move forward in faith, trusting their Savior who they know loves them with a fierce, protective, and perfect love.

*I watched another member of our church leave the school. A group of students standing near the entrance all called out to him enthusiastically. He is a beloved math teacher and is also dealing with a serious illness. Tears formed in my eyes as I watched him smile and wave to the kids before heading across the parking lot to his car. It was obvious from his slow and measured gait that he was in pain. I prayed for his healing.

He and his wife are two of the dearest people I know. Each of them posses such a warm and loving spirit. In spite of all they deal with, they are always the first to ask, “How are you doing?” They live their lives with quiet but unmistakable joy. They choose not retreat into their pain but continue to reach out to others with beautiful acts of service and words of encouragement.

Their example inspires me.

*As the crowd began to thin out, a young man in a sports uniform walked toward the field, an athletic bag slung over his shoulder. Behind him came a heavy-set boy who was hurrying to catch up to his classmate. He called out his name. The athlete turned around without breaking his stride, barely glancing at the boy. The boy called out a question as he continued to follow. For a moment, it looked as if the athlete was going to ignore the question. However, he did turn his head to give a very quick response before breaking into a run, widening the distance between the two of them.

I saw the hurt look cross the boy’s face. He slowed down, no longer trying to catch up. He adjusted his backpack and continued on alone.

Heartbreaking.

*Both the football and soccer teams were practicing. I found myself wishing I had just a fraction of their energy. 🙂 I also found myself reminicsing about how much fun Friday night football games were when I was in high school a million years ago.

*My heart broke for the young girl who wore an extremely revealing outfit and let loose with a stream of profanity as she walked to the vehicle parked next to mine. Aside from the mom in me who wanted to cover her up, I felt grieved that she seemed to think so little of herself. I longed to tell her that her Creator has crowned her with glory and honor (Psalm 8:5) and she is more than the sum of her parts. Rather than seeking attention through her body and shocking language, I wish she knew that she is seen and loved at all times by Jesus.

*Finally, I saw my favorite 15 year old walk to the car (I would pick up my daughter later after volleyball practice). I am discovering that I am really enjoying logging all this time in the car with the kids. We have great conversations. Climbing into the front seat seems to immediately loosen their tongues and I am privileged to have the chance to hear all that is on their minds.

It’s my favorite part of the day.

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September 8, 2011 · 4:57 am

Upward Spiral


photo credit: survelliant

A few days ago, I woke up feeling irritable.

This is an unusual occurrence for me. I love mornings and generally wake up happy to see another day.

However, something had happened the day before that left me feeling drained, put-upon and resentful. The fact that I woke up still thinking about this issue was proof that I had not let it go.

As I got ready to head out to run some errands, my mind still spun with “I should have….”…”I can’t believe they…”…if only I had…”

I know better than this; yet I indulged my flesh rather than taking all my grievances to Jesus.

I got into the car and the wonderful voice of Travis Cottrell immediately filled the space. His ” Live”  album is one of my all-time favorites and I listen to it nearly every day.

Instinctively I began to sing along with Travis and slowly tuned into the words I was singing:

He will live our sorrows sharing, Jesus saves. Jesus saves.
He will die our burdens bearing, Jesus saves. Jesus saves.
“It is done!” will shout the Cross; Christ has paid my redemption’s cost!
While the empty tomb’s declaring, “Jesus saves! Jesus saves!”

Gradually, my spirits began to lift, as the concerns of earth faded in light of the most glorious event in the history of the world: the Cross.

As John MacArthur recently said, ” On the Cross, God treats His Son as if He lived your life so that He could treat you as if you lived His life.”

There is an empty tomb!

I have been forgiven!

I have a place in Heaven that is being prepared for me by Jesus Himself! (John 14:2-3)

He is coming back!

My eternal future is secure!

My life is held safely in His powerful hands!

I have been rescued, redeemed and restored!

I can never lose sight of this astounding, breathtaking and momentous truth.

As my pastor in Florida always used to say, “Preach the Gospel to yourself every single day.”

In light of all this, my irritation was seen for what it was: silly, petty, ridiculous. It was time to move on and get over myself.

His Light broke through my day and rather than muttering discontent, I began to praise Him for the amazing grace that He has bestowed upon me.

“My very Presence radiates Joy in vast, unmeasured fullness. When you praise Me, your joy increases.”—(Dear Jesus by Sarah Young, p. 20).

Rather than allowing myself to go into a downward spiral, Jesus lifted me upward instead. He is always willing to do that if we will cooperate with Him.

Compared to eternity, this life is a blip.

Today, choose to focus on what truly matters…and let the rest go.

“Never let anything so fill you with sorrow as to make you forget the joy of Christ risen.”—Mother Teresa

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September 7, 2011 · 5:16 am

Seeing


photo credit: mikebaird

I find that I am paying much more attention to his face.

I am really seeing him.

I notice the way his  deep blue eyes crinkle when he smiles. I love the kindness that emanates from those eyes.

His deep and frequent laugh causes my spirits to lift and wraps me in warmth.

We laugh a lot.

The thick strawberry blonde head of hair he had when we first met is now mostly white. I think it makes him look even more handsome.

I watch his hands. They are strong hands. These hands have held our babies and taught them both to play the piano, cooked some wonderful meals (he is a much better cook than I am!), played the guitar for me, held tightly to mine countless times through the years, and never shied away from hard work. The well-worn gold band on his left ring finger has been there for nineteen years. I still vividly remember the day I first slipped it on his finger, full of  joy that we had found each other.

I listen to the timbre of his voice. His is a voice that always speaks reason…is loathe to say anything negative about anybody…seeks to understand another’s point of view…speaks encouraging words…prays fervently… and tells me he loves me every single day.

I notice these things much more often now that we primarily see each other on the weekends.  Our time together is no longer unlimited; therefore it is necessary to make the most of the time that we are in the same space.

I find that I don’t take anything for granted. Even the simplest things, like making a run to the grocery store, is an opportunity to spend time together.

I find that I live the life out of every moment when he is home.

I love that after twenty one years together, I am  still discovering new things about him.

As the late, great Rich Mullins once said:

Love is a miracle
It’s a miracle if you can find it

So true.

Treasure the loves in your life.    Study their faces.  Listen to them. Celebrate them. Thank God for them. Tell them you love them.

They are such precious gifts.

They are miracles.

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September 6, 2011 · 5:12 am

Fleeing Ahead


Photo credit: mid_

It is no secret that the state of Vermont was hit extremely hard by hurricane Irene. Roads and bridges were washed away, leaving a dozen towns completely stranded. Homes and businesses were flooded and lives were tragically lost.

It was into this catastrophe that my husband ventured last Monday. He had stayed home over the weekend so that he would be here with us as the storm hit.

He left New Hampshire at 6:30 a.m. for a drive to work that would normally take only two and a half hours.  He called me at 10:30 to say that he was having a lot of trouble getting very far into the state but he was going to try another route.

Three hours went by and the phone remained completely silent.

I was going through the motions of back-to-school shopping with my kids but I could feel my anxiety beginning to mount with each passing hour. Horrifying scenarios began to flash through my mind. I imagined his car being swept away by a flash flood or a road collapsing as he drove upon it, burying him under a pile of rocky rubble.

Then, as we turned into another parking lot in search of  the perfect backpack, I was reminded of an interview I had heard with Ann Voskamp the day before. She had said this:

“Fear is always the ‘flee-ahead’….moving out of this moment. If I can stay in this  moment and give thanks for even one thing, even in the dark…that keeps me here…and the grace is in this moment.”

I realized that I had been “fleeing ahead.”

In this moment, the sun was shining. I was with my son. We were both in good health. I was trading the sweetness and simplicity of now  by fleeing ahead into the scary, murky, may-never-be.

Immediately, one of my memory verses came to mind: “Peace I leave with you; My own peace I now give you…do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful, intimidated, cowardly, and unsettled.” —John 14:27 (Amplified version, emphasis added) 

I asked forgiveness for worrying and whispered a prayer that He would help me be fully present in the now.

Jesus never invites us to flee ahead. He commands us to stay in the moment. Right now, this moment, is the only place that is real. It is the only place that I can experience His grace and sustaining power.

Within seconds of entering the store, my cell phone rang.

It was Doug, calling to tell me that he had to head back home because all the roads leading into the town where he works were closed. There had been no cell phone reception along the roads he had been traveling.

My body went weak with relief and praise filled my thoughts.

I had needlessly suffered by allowing myself to flee ahead.

The next time I am tempted to do that, I will call to mind John 14:27. I will thank Him that His grace is sufficient for this moment. I will rejoice that I can fully trust Him to guide and protect me and those I love. I will rest in the fact that I serve a good and faithful God who is firmly on His throne, even during the bad times.

Don’t flee ahead, no matter how strong the temptation.  No good ever comes of it.

Stay in the moment.

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September 5, 2011 · 7:37 am

Making A Memory


Photo credit: Blue Lotus

My sister-in-law  Leslie and her husband  Tony came to visit us this weekend.

Over a yummy dinner of takout Chinese food, we started reminiscing about years gone by.

I mentioned that Doug and I knew who really loved us by who came to visit us when we lived in a small two-bedroom apartment in the town of New Canaan, CT after we were married. They didn’t mind that the kitchen was the size of a closet or  that there was only one (hideously ugly yellow) bathroom, or that they would have to sleep on an air mattress on the floor; they just wanted to be with us. Tony and Leslie and their three kids visited us a lot.

One summer afternoon, we all decided to have a picnic at Waveny Park, a beautiful oasis in the middle of the town. The sun was shining and the air was warm; it was the perfect day. Our border collie Charlie joyfully chased our nephews and niece through the open fields. We played lots of ball games and ate  good food.

Nothing momentous happened. It was an ordinary day.

Yet, Tony said something at dinner on Saturday night that surprised me.

He said, “You know what? The only thing I really remember about that day is Susan saying, “We’re making a memory!”

I had no recollection of saying that at all…but I loved that that was the main thing he remembered.

It was true.

We have lots of photos from that picnic and each time I look at them, I can almost hear the laughter of a family celebrating being together on a Saturday afternoon.

Last October, I was able to see Beth Moore speak in Massachusetts. Her topic was “The Lost Art of Treasure.”

In Luke 2, Mary is found to be treasuring so many things in her heart. Beth shared that in the original language, the word for “treasure” means: “to hold or treasure up in one’s memory; to guard, keep, preserve, keep safe, keep close.”

Are you treasuring your days like that? Are you slowing down enough to take in the moment, to truly see the people who are on this journey through life with you?

Beth pointed out the sad truth that “we don’t have time to look for treasure because we live in a cycle of over-productivity and collapse. Treasuring takes time. We have to stop and treasure. We tend to live beyond our limits and we are exhausting ourselves…we need to slow down. You must make up your mind that you will cooperate with God to see the treasure. It doesn’t happen by accident.”

She reminded us that there are treasures everywhere and they are ours for the taking. All we need is eyes to see.

As you begin this day, determine to look for the treasures. They are there.

I’d love to hear about what you find.

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September 1, 2011 · 4:50 am

A New Era


photo credit: nikki.jane

Today was the first day of school in our town.

In years past, the first day of school at Brown Academy (our homeschool) looked like this: the kids would greet the day with a breakfast of cupcakes, get most of their work done by noon, then we would go out to lunch and take a walk.

Today was slightly different. 🙂

There were no cupcakes this morning…just cinnamon rolls, eggs, and sausage.

Breakfast was followed by the obligatory first-day-of-school photo:

 I wish I could get my son to give me a real smile for a photo but I take what I can get.

Of course, as I was taking the photo, this is what I seeing in my mind’s eye:

After a flurry of activity, we all piled into the car by 7 a.m.

Ten minutes later, I watched my freshman and sophmore walk into the high school together. As they disappeared through the automatic doors and into a new adventure, my eyes did fill with tears just a bit.

I marveled at Jesus’ tender mercies to me that morning. For one thing, due to the flooding in Vermont, my husband was here to see the kids off to school before leaving to head back to work. Right after he left, my brother showed up to wish the kids a good day. He then joined me for a walk around the high school track. After our workout, we ran into a sweet friend from church who greeted me with a big hug and encouraging words. I love how He cares about every detail of our lives and sends loved ones across our paths just when we  need it most.

I headed home, grateful that my faithful Bichon Frise Buddy would be waiting for me.

I am his very favorite person in the world. The only time he leaves my side is when he hears someone eating anywhere in the house. Then it’s “hasta la vista, baby!” When he is done begging for scraps, he comes trotting back  and promptly glues himself to me.

He did come running to the door, tail wagging happily.

And then he looked behind me, as if to say, “Where is everybody else???”


“You mean you’re it???”

He looked back and me and blinked, clearly bewildered and displeased.

This was Buddy’s reaction when I told him that yes indeed, it was going to be just him and me for the next several hours:

Notice the drooping tail. This was not good news.

I was shocked. I thought he would love the idea of having me all to himself for an entire day.

But no.

He moped at various places all over the house:

In the bonus room…

In the kitchen…

On the back of the couch (where he kept a close eye on the front door in hopes that everyone would come home already)…

He stood guard at the back door…

He waited in vain at the front door…

He paced the hallways…

He could barely contain his boredom at being alone with me in the house…

So he went to sleep until that blessed hour when the kids came home…

I must admit that I was a tad excited when it came time to pick the kids up at the school…

This is my view on the drive there…

We are so blessed to live in such a beautiful place.

The kids came barreling out of the school full of energy, smiles, and excitement.

It had been a very good day.

And as the day ends, darkness falls, and the house is once again quiet after bedtime, I give thanks to my very good God who has entrusted me with these two wonderful children.

I rest in knowing that I completed the assignment He gave me when He called me to home school and I look forward with great anticipation to this new season.

I intend to treasure every moment.

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August 30, 2011 · 9:21 pm

After The Storm


As night fell in our town Sunday night, it seemed as if hurricane Irene had finally moved on.

However, we were warned that it was not over yet because the back end of the storm would bring high winds.

The winds started after midnight.

I couldn’t sleep. The local news was on, broadcasting scary images of vehicles trapped in rising water, roads being washed away, homes submerged, red and blue police lights flashing as roads were blocked off to protect motorists from danger.

I moved closer to my sleeping husband, grateful that he had stayed home that night, rather than heading to Vermont earlier in the day.

The house made creaking noises as the wind grew in strength. Since our development is rather new, there are no mature trees to cushion us from the wind so it blows hard against the house. Sometimes it  sounds like a freight train is going straight through the center of it.

I lay in bed and stared out the sliders beyond our deck. For some reason, there was an eerie glow above the mountains. A local TV host reported that five people and a dog had been swept away into the dark night by rising waters in an area thirty minutes north of our town and a rescue was underway. (Fortunately, there was a happy ending to that story. Thank God for our men and women who risk their lives on a daily basis to save others).

Why does everything seem so much scarier at night?

I closed my eyes and began to recite Scripture passages from Ps. 18 , Ps. 91 and Psalm 121. His Word is such a comfort anytime, but never more so than when storms are raging.

Peace settled over me like a blanket and I was able to fall asleep.

I awoke to blue skies and a shining sun. There was no evidence that Irene had been here at all.

Even the scariest of storms comes to an end.

Thankfully, so do the storms in our lives.

I remember hearing the late Barbara Johnson say that one of her favorite sayings in the Bible was “…and it came to pass.” 🙂

I just came through a season that I thought would never end. Day after day, nothing seemed to change. The storm raged on.

Some days I was strong; some days I was weak and the tears flowed. There were days of discouragement and days of victory. Sometimes I wondered if the storm was here to stay for good. It was hard to remember the  carefree days of sunny skies.

During this time, I read a book by Michael Card entitled A Sacred Sorrow: Meeting God in the Lost Language of Lament.

He explained that in the Bible, the world lament means simply refusing to let go of God, no matter what.

That is how I got through the storm. I just never let go.

I clung to my lifeline, the Bible. I lived on those words that spoke life and joy and peace and comfort to my tired soul.

I never stopped talking with Jesus, even during the darkest days of tears, anger, confusion, and sadness.

I just kept getting up every time I fell down.

I refused to let go of my Savior who has promised that He will never let go of me.

And then one sweet day, the storm was over. The  dark clouds evaporated to reveal blazing sunshine.

A new day had arrived.

If you are in the middle of a storm right now, continue clinging to Jesus through His Word. Refuse to let go no matter what.

The storm will end in His perfect timing and He will see you safely through.

“Christ said, ‘Let us go over to the other side’—not ‘to the middle of the lake to be drowned.'”—Daniel Crawford

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August 28, 2011 · 10:55 pm

Irene


photo credit: The_Roc

Hurricane Irene made an unwelcome visit to much of the East coast this weekend.

We lived in south Florida for five years and endured four hurricanes. They certainly can be terrifying and destructive, as hurricane Katrina heartbreakingly demonstrated.

The night that our Florida town received a direct hit from hurricane Wilma was one of the scariest nights of my life. We were without power for nine days. There was destruction everywhere. Cleaning up all the debris in the yard took one full week. Traffic lights were down, grocery stores were empty, and curfews were imposed. It was something I will never forget.

As the clouds darkened and the storm approached  our New England town on Sunday afternoon, I read Ps. 62 and was reminded where my true security lies:

Truly my soul finds rest in God;
my salvation comes from Him.
Truly He is my rock and my salvation;
He is my fortress and I will never be shaken…

My salvation and my honor depend on God;
He is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in Him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to Him,
for God is our refuge..(vv. 1-2; 7-8)

This is a  wonderful Scripture to cling to during all the storms of life.

We are safe in His all-powerful hands.

How did Irene affect you? (Fortunately, we  only lost power for a short time and there was very little damage in our town).

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August 26, 2011 · 7:18 am

The Magic of Skype


I smiled to myself as I finished putting on my lipstick.

In a few minutes, I would log onto Skype. My husband’s face would fill the screen of my laptop and our virtual “date” would begin.

After 19 years of marriage, I still feel like I did in the early stages of our relationship: my heart flutters a little and I’m excited to see him. That is a wonderful thing.

When we took our premarital counseling classes with our pastor, he encouraged us to “never stop dating.” We have taken his advice and I would encourage all couples to do the same.

Even when our kids were babies and we didn’t have a babysitter, we would still make time for our monthly date. After the kids were in bed for the night, we would order takeout, light a candle (the candlelight was helpful in hiding the enormous bags under my eyes! 🙂 ),  and put on some music, transforming our kitchen into romantic dinner date spot. (Well, as romantic as a kitchen in a rented house with yellow walls and blue counter tops can be!).

As I mentioned earlier in the week, my husband is working in Vermont during the week. So, Skype has become a good friend to us. I love knowing that at the end of the day, I’m not only going to hear his voice but I will see his face.

The kids and I gather around the laptop at the appointed time and we visit for the next hour, recounting what our day has been like. One of my friends suggested that we Skype during dinner, which is a fabulous idea. We will just put the laptop where Doug usually sits and continue to enjoy our meals together.

As my 88 year old aunt said when I told her about Skype, “Isn’t technology something?”

The only member of our family who is thoroughly confused by all this  is our Bichon Frise, Buddy.

It makes him crazy. He can hear Doug’s voice but he can’t see him. (My son tells me that dogs can’t see computer screens). His ears perk up and he runs to the front door, his tail wagging excitedly. When Doug doesn’t appear, he sprints across the house to sit in front of the garage door, his little body practically shaking with excitement.

Eventually, his tail wags less enthusiastically, then finally stops and droops sadly.

He then usually slinks over to the sofa, uses his paws to make the pillow flat, spins around a few times and finally throws himself down with a giant sigh. Whatever is going on, he doesn’t like it one bit.

Poor Buddy.

Imagine his joy when he actually sees Doug in person tonight. 🙂

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