August 1, 2012 · 4:52 pm

Going Home


They say you can’t go home again.

You certainly can…things are just different. Somewhat bittersweet. Yet still wonderful in so many ways.

I just spent this past week visiting my hometown.

Time is precious and my attitude when I am home is this: “I’m not here to sleep.”

I want to experience as much as I can while  I can. I love being with my mom, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. Time with them is a gift.

So much has changed over the years. Bodies have aged. Gray hairs have appeared where there once were none. There have been marriages. Births. Graduations.  Divorces.  Illnesses. Financial challenges. Tears.  Heartache. Laughter. Fun.

Then there are those who have left us. Their presence is still felt at every get-together and memories always play at the edges of my mind when I am in the familiar places that I once shared with them.

They are missed. Always.

Yet for us who are still living our journey across this planet, life does go on and there are new memories to be made.

On this trip, there were trips to a beloved Pittsburgh area amusement park called Kennywood.

There were visits to the college campuses my husband and I attended many moons ago: the University of Pittsburgh, Penn State, and Carnegie Mellon University.

There were family get-togethers and even a rained out picnic could not dampen our happy moods.

There were times of reconnecting with dear old friends.

I loved being able to listen to the familiar and distinctive Pittsburgh accent again, as well as eating at all my favorite restaurants. I enjoyed hearing the latest about what is happening with the neighbors who still live on the street where I grew up.

There is something that is just so comforting about being home for me. That place and those people are a part of me and always will be.

Bottom line: going home is good for my soul.

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July 22, 2012 · 5:36 pm

Ode To A Beloved Park


My hometown, courtesy of VisitPA

I am back home in the hills of western Pennsylvania with my family this week.

This morning, I slipped away from my mom’s apartment and drove 30 minutes south to my hometown. I grew up minutes from a large park and to this day, it is one of my happy places.

I arrived at 6:30 in the morning before the sun burned off the fog. At such an early hour, there were not too many people on the walking trails yet but I still felt utterly safe.

Every single person I passed smiled and said hello. Pittsburgh is among the friendliest of towns; my hometown especially so.

My iPod served as the soundtrack to my life thus far, as I listened to an eclectic mix of music from the 70’s and 80’s, as well as  praise music. In my mind’s eye, I saw my dad walking beside me, as he did so many times before. We spent many an hour pounding the pavement of the walking trails, conversing about both the absurd and the the monumental.

Rather than seeing an empty Corrigan Drive, I could “hear” the laughter and honks of Senior Skip Day, an (unofficially) sanctioned day at our high school. Seniors would decorate their cars in the morning, then cruise up and down the main drag, honking at each other and playing loud music. My friends and I decorated our friend Duane’s car with carnations that read “Class Of ’83.” We spent the rest of the day having a picnic, swimming at the Wave Pool, and swinging on the swings…a sweet slice of time when we could still be kids in a small town before graduation and college beckoned us into adulthood.

My girlfriends and I spent countless hours walking on the trails during our high school years, totally caught up in teenage drama and solving the world’s problems, big and small.

As I passed the track where the county fair used to be, I saw my teenage self running up and down the steep bleachers, preparing for track season while  my dad stood by with a stopwatch, urging me onward. I could not help but smile as I remembered the days when the fair was a big deal and my brother and I clung to our parents’ hands while we looked around in wide eyed wonder at the animals, craft exhibits, jugglers, clowns, and magical pink cotton candy tempting us from behind the windows of brightly lighted stalls.

Nearby was the grove where Doug and I hosted our rehearsal picnic twenty years ago. Most of our wedding party was from out of town and we didn’t like the idea of their family and friends having to fend for themselves while we enjoyed dinner at a restaurant somewhere. So, we decided to have a huge picnic in the park after our rehearsal and it was a big hit. On that sun-drenched day, that grove overflowed with loved ones as  the scent of grilled burgers and watermelon wafted through the spring air. I mainly remember the laughter, the sense of anticipation that manifested itself as butterflies in my stomach, and my attempt to freeze that moment in time in my mind. Without a doubt, that was one of the happiest days of my life.

I walked past the playground where I was so delighted to bring my kids to play when we visited Pennsylvania…the same place my parents used to take me.

It was to this park that I went when I was trying to process the deaths of my childhood friend Tracy and my dad. Despite the fact that my eyes were blurred with tears both times, walking those familiar paths brought a measure of comfort to my grieving heart. I walked until my legs were sore and the tears dried. Then I did it all again the next day.

Those paths feel like home to me, welcoming me both in joy and in sorrow.

On this morning, a church gathered in one of the parking lots to prepare for a 5K to raise money for clean water in Haiti. Bikers headed to the BMX track on the hill for a race. Pet owners walked their dogs, big and small. Kids and their parents appeared on the black and gold playgrounds. (This is Steelers country, after all! 🙂 ). People of all shapes, sizes, and ages shared the paths with me, sending along happy greetings as they passed by.

And I could not stop smiling.

It is so good to be back home.

What about you? Do you have a favorite hometown place that you love to return to whenever you have the chance?  I’d love to hear about it!

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July 19, 2012 · 4:35 pm

Jesus At 31,000 Feet


I just returned from a trip to South Florida to visit old friends (hence the long blog silence).

On the way home, I was reading a delightful book about Jesus  by John Eldredge called Beautiful Outlaw. Eldredge offers a fresh look at Jesus, free of stereotypes and religious straight jackets.

At one point he writes, “If we will get rid of the limits and the religious constraints,we will see Him everywhere..we should expect to encounter Jesus anytime, anywhere, everywhere…Jesus is infinitely creative. Just let Him be Himself with you.”

I am not exaggerating when I tell you that at the very moment I read those words, I heard another passenger say, “Look out the window!”

I turned my head and looked into the night sky…and there I was greeted with the most amazing sight!

Below the plane, lightning was  illuminating the night sky with incredible bursts of blinding white. Occasionally,  huge  lightning bolts shot from the clouds in a dazzling display of power.

This went on for half an hour. I was completely transfixed.

This verse kept running through my mind: “The Lord reigns, let the earth be glad, let the distant shores rejoice. Clouds and thick darkness surround Him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of His throne. Fire goes before Him and consumes His foes on every side. His lightning lights up the world; the earth sees and trembles. The mountains melt like wax before the Lord. The heavens proclaim His righteousness and all peoples see His glory.” (Psalm 97: 1-6).

As I watched His display with the wonder of a child on Christmas morning, I felt His smile.  Jesus and I were sharing a moment 31,000 feet up in the air.

I wondered if anyone else on the plane realized that  this was their Creator revealing Himself to them in an absolutely spectacular way.

He truly IS everywhere…if you have eyes to see.

15 The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. 17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18  (Col. 1: 15-18).

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July 9, 2012 · 2:52 pm

Ultimate Love


Bruce Marchiano as Jesus in The Visual Bible: Matthew

Why do I love Jesus so much?

This is why…

Christ was all anguish that I may be all joy
He was cast off that I might be brought in
Trodden down as an enemy that I might be welcomed as a friend
Surrendered to hell’s worst so that I might attain Heaven’s best
Stripped that I might be clothed
Wounded that I might be healed
Athirst that I might drink
Tormented that I might be comforted
Made ashamed that I might inherit glory
Entered darkness that I might have eternal Light
My Savior wept so that all tears may be wiped from my eyes
He groaned that I may have endless song
He endured all pain that I may have unending health
He bore a thorned crown that I may have a glory diadem
He bowed His head that I may uplift mine
He experienced reproach that I might receive welcome
He closed His eyes in death that I might gaze on unclouded brightness
He expired that I may forever live.  (excerpt from The Valley Of Vision).

I didn’t deserve any of that. Neither did you. (Romans 3:10-12).

Yet and  still, He gave all He had to give to gloriously rescue us from the hopelessness of our sin.

Amen and hallelujah.

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July 6, 2012 · 7:47 am

Twenty Years And Counting…


Twenty years ago, I married the love of my life.

(Please keep in mind that in 1992, giant headpieces and huge puffy sleeves were all the rage. 🙂 ).

Without a doubt, that was the happiest day of my life. The rain that fell could not dampen our joy as our lives were joined together forever. For that one magical moment in time, everyone we loved on this earth was all gathered in the same place and it is a memory I will always cherish.

We wanted to do something special to commemorate our twentieth anniversary, so we decided to visit Ogunquit, Maine. My dad, uncles and aunts have always told us how beautiful it is, so we were anxious to experience it for ourselves.

It did not disappoint.

This was our view from our hotel room…

We stayed at a place called The Cliff House.

It was a unique place. All the lighting was florescent…even in the lobby…and the bathrooms. I do not know any woman who wants to get up first thing in the morning and look at herself in the harsh glare of florescent lights! What were they thinking?!

The floor we stayed on was an “Adults Only Floor.” We knew this because there were signs emphatically stating this fact everywhere. There was also an “Adults Only Pool.” We had never stayed at a place that had such clear distinctions. (The pool that was reserved for children remained sadly empty the entire time we were there). Very strange.

On our first night there, we had dinner at a restaurant that was right on the water in the nearby town of York, Maine. We enjoyed our delicious meal via candlelight and watched the sun slip below the water. Afterward, we sat on the balcony of our hotel room, listening to the waves of the ocean and talking about all we have learned over the past two decades.

The most surprising thing to me was how fast these years have gone. Our wedding truly seems like yesterday for me.

The past ten years of marriage have brought so many unforeseen challenges…yet rather than drive us apart, these God-ordained trials have drawn us closer together and strengthened our bond. We have lived “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.”

And it has been such a joy. No, it has not always been easy but I would not trade one single day. We truly meant the words we said at the altar that day. That knowledge is precious to me.

I had a conversation today with a woman whose husband is gone for weeks (and sometimes months) at a time due to the nature of his job. I asked her how she handled that (knowing that when Doug was working in Vermont during the week, I missed him terribly and couldn’t wait for the weekends). She shrugged her shoulders and said matter-of-factly that she loved having her own space and “did just fine” without him.

I could not relate.

Yes, I obviously lived my life and fulfilled my responsibilities while Doug was working in another state (he has since finished his consulting job there). However, I missed him every day. Skype helped but it wasn’t the same as having him here with me and the kids. He is my best friend and I missed doing life with him on a daily basis.

Different strokes for different folks.

Our second morning in May dawned cloudy but there was still a lot to explore.

The rocky beaches of Maine are beautiful and dramatic.

The shops are charming and filled with unique treasures.

Our very favorite attraction was the Marginal Way. It is a mile-long path that winds along the ocean and it is a true delight for the senses.

We were charmed by this couple, who were celebrating their wedding day along the Marginal Way.

He was a Marine who had married his love before he was deployed. Now that he was home, they had a proper wedding with all their family and friends. Their joy was infectious.

I wonder if they realize how fast the next twenty years will go?

All too soon, we said goodbye to Ogunquit.

On the way home, we stopped at the Kittery Trading Post in Kittery, Maine and I snapped this photo of my man, customarily unshaven and trying this hat on for size.

The baby face he had when he married me twenty years ago is long gone, replaced by mostly white hair and lines that were not there before…evidence of a life  fully lived.

But his blue eyes still shine with kindness and merriment and nothing makes me happier than hearing the sound of his deep laugh.

I am a  blessed woman and I can hardly wait for the next twenty years with this one God has given me.

…I will know deep in my heart
the only dream that mattered had come true
In this life, I was loved by you.
In this life, I was loved by you.

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July 4, 2012 · 11:39 pm

Fourth Of July Festivities


Our Independence Day celebration took place over two days this year.

On Tuesday evening, our son played in a holiday concert in a nearby town.

Right before the fireworks began, we all sang the Star Spangled Banner. There is something incredibly moving about thousands of people singing our national anthem under a summer sky. I get chills every time.

The land of the free and the home of the brave. There is no greater country on the face of this earth.

The fireworks were amazing but rather than fuss with my camera and try to capture it, I just sat back and enjoyed the show.

This morning dawned rainy and cloudy but it soon gave way to sunshine.

Josh was to participate in a parade at 2:00. He and his band were playing holiday music on a flatbed truck. I love seeing how his eyes shine when he grabs his oboe and music and heads out the door, anxious to play the instrument that has become an extension of him.

Our plan was to attend the fireworks tonight by the lake in our town…but just as we were leaving, the skies opened up.

The storm was sudden and ferocious, complete with driving rain, hail, and lightning. We were forced to wait it out in the car. Once the rain slowed and then stopped, the kids hopped out of the car and ran into the garage. They emerged with big smiles and Doug and I burst out laughing when we saw that they had playfully donned flotation devices. 🙂

What happened next absolutely delighted me…our kids seized the day.

Rather than be bummed out that we were no longer headed to the firworks, they did this:

A playful, light-hearted moment.

Doug and I loved it.

I hope everyone had a wonderful day celebrating our magnificent country!

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July 1, 2012 · 8:03 pm

Bye Bye Betsy


Back in 1998, my brother Jeff purchased a new Ford Ranger.

He had taken our dad with him in case he needed back-up with all the haggling but he did just fine on his own. Driving home in his new truck with Dad is one of Jeff’s most treasured memories. He was so happy to have shared that experience with the man who was not only his father but also his best friend.

My kids, Josh and Julia, adored that truck (Jeff eventually named her Betsy). They loved riding around in the back (at slow speeds on the dead end street of our childhood home), watching fireworks while perched in chairs atop the bed of the truck when we lived in Florida, and listening spellbound as Jeff spun stories while they sat in the cab under a darkening summer sky.

The years rolled by and Betsy served Jeff well in Pennsylvania, South Florida, and New Hampshire. However, by this summer she had well over 100,o00 miles on her and it was time for Jeff to buy a new vehicle.

Our kids took the news hard. They have moved around a lot in their young lives, so change is not always easy for them. They cherish the things that remain the same and Betsy held a lot of wonderful memories for them.

Nevertheless, Jeff purchased his new Jeep and the night before he picked it up, he drove Betsy over to the house for the last time.

My two teenagers eagerly took him up on his offer to take one more (slow and cautious) spin around the cul-de-sac in the back of Betsy.

The next day, Betsy was traded in for a Jeep named Rudy.

Let the new memories begin. 🙂

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June 27, 2012 · 11:54 am

Legacy


Shortly after my cousin David was killed in the line of duty, my dear friend Jackie (who is like a sister to me) made a donation to her veterinary office in David’s memory.

The purpose of her gift was to set up a fund for people who did not have the means to afford care for their beloved pets in the south Florida area.

Jackie is a huge animal lover and she was very touched by my post about David, especially that as owner of his own veterinary clinic, he treated animals whose owners could not afford to pay him.

Inspired by his example, she set up the fund in David’s name back in January.

Yesterday, she received a handwritten note from a grateful beneficiary of that fund. The office manager had attached a post-it onto the letter which read: “Dear Jackie, This is a card from a client you helped with your donation. She was SO thankful for you! What a blessing!”

The card read as follows: “Thank you so much for your generous gift to my cats. I wouldn’t have been able to afford the care at the (hospital) if it wasn’t for your kindness. Just to let you know that my cat had a seizure…She is fine now with the doctor’s great care and the loving staff. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Warm regards.”

Jackie sent me a text informing me about this yesterday afternoon while I was in the middle of a tour of the Boston Symphony Orchestra. Right there in the lobby, tears sprang to my eyes.

David left this earth six months ago, but his life is still touching others. How could he have imagined that a woman he never met 1500 miles away in south Florida would be impacted by his legacy?

This would have made him so happy.

We will  all leave a legacy, friends. Only eternity will tell the ripples from our lives that reached out and touched others in life-changing ways.

Your life is not—and never has been—inconsequential. You were created with great purpose and placed in this generation with considerable intention by the Author of all great stories.

Your life matters.

Do you like what your legacy would be if your life were to end today?

If not, it’s not too late to change it.

Thank you, Jackie, for continuing my cousin’s legacy in your part of the world. I am so grateful for you!

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June 25, 2012 · 8:42 am

Like A Hurricane


Photo credit: Google

Confession time: Lately, my attention has been captured by the shiny objects of this world.

It began subtly, as drifting always does.

The details are not important but the state of my heart is.

In the past, I would not have been aware of it so soon. But as I walked with Jesus through a difficult season that required 100% of my faith,  He and I have become so much closer. I see the traces of His hand everywhere. I “hear” Him speaking to me through many different avenues: His Word, the beauty all around me, laughter, the precious friends and family that He chosen to place in my life, sermons, music, life with all its ups and downs.

Yet with all that, my gaze began to drift from the beauty of His face to the things of this world. At first it was just a glance; then two; then five…then I found myself gazing at the fleeting, the temporal, the things that promise much but never deliver because they are ultimately empty.

Yesterday in church, Jesus began to call to me in a powerful way. As the church service began, I had no idea that my God, whose name is Jealous would begin to woo my back to His arms and to His side.

His Voice is undeniable in its passion and authority.

Our pastor began to talk about how Jesus pursues us with single-minded fervor.

“Jesus pursues a continuing love with you…He wants us to experience Him and He wants to experience us…we are only seeking Him because He first sought us…He pursues us, He comes after us, even when we are corrupted and contentious.”

Still. Always. He loves us.

Then this Scripture, read with great animation from the pulpit: “Show me Your way, that I may know You and that I may find grace in Your sight.” (Exodus 33:12-13).

“Knowing Me is why you are here,” Jesus whispered from the pages of my Bible. “Don’t ever lose sight of that.”

The shiny objects of this world become like rusted tin in light of that glorious and wondrous Reality.

Heaven reached down to me sitting in that pew yesterday morning as the Voice of my  Savior reached my heart that had inconceivably (to me, not to Him) begun to wander.

He remembers that we are dust. Our weaknesses surprise us but they never surprise Him. He knew exactly what we were when He chose to set His affections upon us and open our eyes to His matchless beauty and grace.

That same Voice spoke to me again at the gym this morning…just in case my stubborn heart didn’t get the message the first time.

While pushing through a tough workout on the treadmill, this song began to play from my iPod:

And He is jealous for me; loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
bending beneath the weight of His love and mercy
When all of a sudden I unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me.

Oh, how He loves us
Oh how He loves us, how He loves us all

And we are His portion and He is our Prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking

And Heaven meets Earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way

He loves us, oh how He loves us
How He loves us all  —-(How He Loves by David Crowder)

I felt like I couldn’t breathe, right there in the middle of the gym on that treadmill. Heaven met Earth in an unforeseen kiss as Jesus spoke to my wandering heart, calling me back to Himself. This was no “Jesus meek and mild.” This was a Savior whose eyes burn with fire calling to His bride from whom He demands purity…

“NOTHING compares to Me, Susan. I AM the Living Water. I AM the Bread of Life.  I AM EVERYTHING.   I am worthy of Your fidelity. I am jealous FOR you. No one loves you like I do. Repent and turn back to Me!”

How grateful I am that He knows my name. That He desires for me to know Him intimately. That I have found grace in  His sight.   That He loves me enough to warn me of danger. That He is so powerful. That He is a Redeemer. That He does not turn me away when I come to Him full of guilt, but opens His arms wide and envelops me in His love. That there is always redemption and grace shining from His eyes when they look upon His own.

He always restores.

His lavish and unconditional love literally takes my breath away.

Our church is doing the wonderful study “Experiencing God” this summer. It started last week and I wasn’t there. This week, I will be, at Jesus’ personal invitation.

It is time  for me to experience His boundless grace in a whole new way.

I share this with you to encourage you to examine your heart today.  Is it fully faithful to the One who gave everything to set you free?

Nothing compares to Him. Nothing.

In the words of the apostle Paul, “For I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. For I have betrothed you to One Husband, that I may present you as a pure virgin to Christ.”—2 Corinthians 11:3

As a believer, you are Jesus’ Bride. Live like it today.

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June 22, 2012 · 5:36 am

Running The Race


Photo credit: flickr

During one of the our kids’ last track meets of the season, I noticed something unusual while standing on the sidelines cheering for the kids on our team.

One of the runners from our school was competing in one of those punishing long distance races. As she ran, her boyfriend (who had graduated the previous year) was running right alongside her, calling out encouragement the entire length of the race. He literally jogged around the entire length of the track, keeping up her pace so he could cheer her on.

After  she crossed the finish line in first place, he ran to her wearing a giant grin, scooped her up into a big bear hug, and spun her around several times as they shared celebratory laughter and kisses.

It was a sweet, joyful  moment.

It was also a wonderful visual of our lives lived on this earth with Jesus.

The Bible refers to our lives as a race.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. (Hebrews 12:1).

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. (2 Timothy 4:7).

Annie’s boyfriend had completed his own races while he was still a student at the high school.  He has already made his mark; now it was her turn to run.

He was also a long-distance runner so he knew exactly what she was experiencing as she fought through exhaustion and pain to get to that finish line.

Although he had graduated and left the high school for college, he had returned to be there with her.  This was her race to run, but he was right there, offering her the gift of his presence and his encouragement.

He never left her side, just continued running right alongside her until she  crossed that finish line.

Then it was all sweet celebration, the pain of running the race forgotten in the joy of victory and  togetherness.

Do you see the parallel here?

Jesus has run His race on the topsoil of Earth before us.

Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love us in order to get something from us, but to give everything of Himself to us. Love like that. (Ephesians 5:1-2)

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. (Deuteronomy 31:8).

Jesus experienced every temptation we do so He intimately identifies with our struggles, exhaustion, and pain.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. (Hebrews 4:15).

Death couldn’t hold Jesus…He came back for us and promises His constant presence as we run the race marked out for us.

God Himself has said, “I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake you, nor let you down or relax My hold on you. Assuredly not! (Hebrews 13:5).

Are you tired? Word out? Burned out on religion? Come to Me. Get away with Me and recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with Me and work with Me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with Me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. (Matthew 11:28-30).

Then, at the end of our race, faith will become sight and we will see Jesus at the finish line, with a smile on His face and arms opened wide, hearing Him say, “Well done,  good and faithful servant. You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your Master’s happiness.” (Matthew 25:21).

Jude 24 gives us a glimpse of what Jesus is going to feel on that day when we are finally in His Presence and in His arms:  Now to Him who is able to keep you without stumbling or slipping or falling and to present you unblemished, blameless, and faultless, before the Presence of His glory in triumphant joy and exaltation with unspeakable, ecstatic delight...

Take that verse personally. That will be Jesus’ reaction to being with you. 

So, wherever you are in your race today, take heart.

Jesus is running with you every step of the way.

And always remember that it is His face you will see when you reach your finish line.

What  a day of rejoicing that will be!

Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! (I Corinthians 9:24).

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