Seize The Day


Last week, I saw an episode of Oprah that deeply touched me.

A woman named Erin Kramp was diagnosed with breast cancer several years ago when her only daughter Peyton was six years old.

Even as she received treatment for the disease that sought to take her life, she went into action. Knowing that she might not be able to watch her beloved  daughter grow into adulthood, Erin began to make literally hundreds of videos for Peyton. Her advice covered everything from what to look for in a spouse to how to apply makeup. In addition, she wrote letters and wrapped presents for Peyton to open on each birthday and Christmas.

What. a. precious. gift.

The fierce, deep love of this mother took my breath away and I could not stop the tears.

I could not imagine looking into the faces of my children, knowing that I would not be there to share their lives with them.

After the show, I had to leave to pick up my son from track practice. On the drive there, I realized this great truth and wonderful joy: I get to do this!

I get to be a mom to these two wonderful redheads!

I get to enjoy their company as I drive them to their various activities.

I get to listen to their hopes, dreams, and struggles.

I get to share the years with them…offering guidance and a listening ear, celebrating milestones, and enjoying the people they are becoming.

It is such a wonderful, amazing privilege to be a mom.

Erin Kramp didn’t have the luxury of watching her child grow up, but she left an incredible legacy. When Oprah asked her husband Doug what Erin would want to say if she was still on this earth, his answer was profound:

“Have a sense of urgency about your life. Live very moment to the fullest—you don’t know how long you will be here.”

I have known for many years now that I am not promised tomorrow. My family and I went out to dinner tonight and I fully entered into those moments. There was nothing monumental about the evening, but we were all together, sharing laughter and all that had happened to us that day.

I get to live this life…and I love it.

There are no ordinary days.

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All Creatures Great and Small


“Mom?”

Her voice was tremulous, as she tried to choke back the tears that were just beginning to fall.

“It’s Gladys…I think she’s dead.”

The tears came in earnest as she led me downstairs to her beloved chinchilla’s cage. I saw that her hands were shaking and my heart started pounding as I spotted Gladys lying limp and unmoving. Once I got close, I could see that she was breathing, but it was labored and shallow.

“She’s still breathing?” New hope entered Julia’s voice and she reached inside to gather Gladys against her chest. Gladys’ eyes opened slowly, as she responded to Julia’s familiar touch.  She tried to take a drink from her water bottle but the effort seemed to be too much for her.

Her eyes closed again, while my daughter’s locked onto mine, silently pleading for me to do something, anything to save the pet she loved so much.

Doug arrived home within minutes and we decided to take Gladys to our local vet. Julia spent the short ride holding Gladys, stroking her soft fur, relieved that she was still breathing.

However, the doctor refused to even see her, leaving the receptionist to explain that he does not deal with exotic pets. Regretfully, she gave us the name and address of a veterinarian who was 45 minutes away.

My husband immediately said that he would take Julia and Gladys while I went to pick up our son from track practice.

They headed south as soon as we got home.

Doug called with the sad news about an hour later. Gladys had stopped breathing just as they entered the vet’s office. There was nothing they could do, but they were very sweet to the devastated girl before them. They lovingly wrapped Gladys in a blue towel and placed her back in Julia’s arms for the drive back home.

“She had a good life,” she quietly told her daddy as they drove along the highway. He agreed and assured her he was proud of the way she had  taken such good care of Gladys for the past three years.

Once they got home, we walked around the yard in search of a good place for Gladys’ burial. Julia chose a spot on the side of the house, underneath a flowered bush. Then she went inside, unable to watch as Doug began the sad job of digging into the earth.

Once he was finished, we all walked outside with Gladys. With tears streaming down her face, Julia placed Gladys inside and gave her a final, loving pat. She stood, arms crossed, watching as Doug covered the hole. Later, she placed a memorial stone on top.

The tears streamed all that night. Julia did not want to go to bed, so we allowed her to stay in the living room, watching TV.

In the middle of the night, her daddy got up to be with her. They passed the rest of the long night together.  They didn’t talk much, but they didn’t need to. Sometimes, all you need is your daddy’s presence to know that even though you are sad, it’s going to be all right.

I thank God that Julia has a daddy who cares about all that concerns her…who  is always willing to go the extra mile on her behalf…who repeatedly demonstrates to his daughter the selfless, extravagant, protecting  love of  her Heavenly Father. His steady, strong, and calm presence is always a soothing balm in any stressful situation for all of us.

I am also thankful for a a wondrously creative God who made lions, tigers, giraffes, and turtles… and a furry, lovable little chinchilla named Gladys, who brought a world of joy to my sweet girl, who has always had such a tender heart for all animals.

The following day, Julia posted this quote on her Facebook page: “To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk disappointment. To try is to risk failure, but these risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.” 

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Weekend Moment: Friday Night Lights


 I live in a tourist town.

Every May, our little hamlet begins to come to life again as people from all over the world arrive to experience the beauty and charm of  this place that we are blessed to call home.

I snapped this photo on Friday night. We have had seven solid days of rain and it had finally slowed to a slight drizzle. These hearty folks decided that enough was enough and were determined to enjoy eating outside by the water. Even in the rain, the view of the lake and the mountains are lovely.

I could hear bursts of laughter mixed with the sound of the Beach Boys music that the restaurant was playing and it made me happy.

The tourists are here. Let the summer begin!

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Rollercoaster or Merry-Go-Round?


The status of one of my Facebook friends this morning got me thinking.

She wrote: “I hate rollercoasters. I’m more of a merry-go-round kind of girl.”

In contrast to my friend, I LOVE rollercoasters!

Before I had back surgery in 2005 that made it impossible for me to ever ride one again, I took every opportunity to do so. I loved the slow climb to the top that heightened the anticipation, the sudden, heart-stopping drop, the twists and turns, the feeling of flying through the air. The faster and steeper the rollercoaster was, the more I loved it.

My absolute favorite was Space Mountain at Disney World. I loved that it is completely dark inside except for flashing lights so that when the ride begins, you cannot see where you are going. All you can do is surrender to wherever the ride takes you and try to catch your breath as you enjoy the wild ride.

I find it interesting that while I like the rollercoaster ride at an amusement park, it’s easy to prefer the tame merry-go-round in real life.

It’s predictable. There are no surprises, no sudden jolts or twists.

However…it’s also boring. The scenery never changes. There is no challenge, no thrill, no rush. It is stagnant. It requires no courage.

I have found that a life lived with Jesus is anything but a tame merry-go-round ride.

He is always calling us up higher, inviting us to go deeper, encouraging us to bolder faith.

He said as much when He uttered these transforming, life altering words: “The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it in abundance…to the full, til it overflows.” –John 10:10

Right now, I am in a season where I feel like I am riding a rollercoaster in the dark. Everyday is an adventure. I have no idea where the track will take me. There have been many times when I’ve  been scared to death, as well as moments that  have literally taken my breath away.

Yet…I have never been more alive. My senses are heightened. I take nothing for granted. My faith in a fearless, fiery, and joy-filled Savior has been proven genuine and strong. I have never been closer to Him…and like it or not, that kind of intimacy never comes during the easy times.

I have surrendered to the ride, wherever it takes me…because I ultimately know that He is leading me deeper into His heart.

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways…body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, “WOO-HOO! What a ride!”

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The Beautiful in the Ugly


The other day, a dear friend and I were having a heart-to-heart talk.

We are both wrestling with the “whys?” as we each endure a long season that can sometimes sap a soul of strength.  Even when one is surrendered to the sometimes- mysterious- but- always- faithful ways of Jesus, there are still times of weariness.

Prior to our conversation, I had been re-reading One Thousand Gifts  by Ann Voskamp. In chapter 7, Ann recounts a day that was marred by anger, sin, and ugliness. She asks, “How do I  fix this?  Them?  Me?”  

In the messy, Jesus whispers, “What do you want?” and in the ugly, I cry, ‘I want to see YOU…

He speaks soft, “Seek My face.”  

So, Ann begins to count her blessings: “Thank You for here and now. Thank You that You don’t leave us in this mess.” 

Then she writes, ” I look for the ugly-beautiful,  count it as grace, transfigure the mess into joy with thanks.” (pp. 125-127).

And a day is transformed as His grace and love liberated a soul from the suffocating shackles of self.

My mind turned to this passage and I felt as if I was being issued a divine invitation. So I suggested that the two of us make that day a quest to find the beautiful in the midst of the ugly.

The risen Jesus is indescribably beautiful (Revelation 1:10-16). Since He is always present, beauty can always be found.

As soon as I hung up the phone, I prayed, “Lord, open my eyes to see the beautiful in this ugly.”

Almost immediately, the  title of an Anne Graham Lotz book popped into my mind: Pursuing More of Jesus.  I found it easily and began to read.

When I got to chapter 3, I knew I had found the main answer to my prayer, as Anne poured out thunderous praise from a heart full of passionate love for her Savior. Here is what she wrote about Jesus:

He is enduringly strong. He is entirely sincere. He is eternally steadfast.

He is immortally gracious. He is imperially powerful. HE is impartially merciful.

He is the greatest phenomenon that has ever crossed the horizons of the globe.

He is God’s Son. He is the sinner’s Savior. He is the captive’s ransom.

He is the breath of life. He is the centerpiece of civilization. He stands in the solitude of Himself.

He is august and He is unique. He is unparalleled and He is unprecedented. 

He is undisputed and He is undefiled. He is unsurpassed and He is unshakeable.

He is the lofty idea in philosophy. He is the highest personality in psychology.

He is the supreme subject in literature. He is the unavoidable problem in higher criticism.

He is the fundamental doctrine of theology.

He is the cornerstone, the capstone, and the stumbling stone of all religion.

He is the miracle of the ages.

He is the key to knowledge. He is wellspring of wisdom. He is the foundation of faith.

He is the doorway of deliverance. He is the pathway to peace. He is the roadway of righteousness.

He is the gateway to glory. He is the highway to happiness. His office is manifold and His promise is sure.

His life is matchless and His goodness is limitless. His mercy is enough and His grace is sufficient.

His reign is righteous, His yoke is easy, and His burden is light.

He is indestructible. He is indescribable. He is incomprehensible. 

He is invincible. He is irresistible. He is irrefutable.

I can’t get Him out of my mind and I can’t get Him out of my heart.

I can’t outlive Him and I can’t live without Him.

The Pharisees couldn’t stand Him but found they couldn’t stop Him.

Satan tried to tempt Him but found He couldn’t trip Him.

Pilate placed Him on trial but found no fault in Him.

The  Romans crucified Him but  couldn’t take His life. 

Death couldn’t handle Him and the grave couldn’t hold Him.

He is the Lion and He is the Lamb. He is God and He is Man.

He’s the seven-way King:

He is the King of the Jews…that’s a racial King.

He is the King of Israel…That’s a national King.

He is the King of righteousness…that’s a moral King.

He is the King of the ages…That’s an eternal King.

He is the King of heaven…that’s a universal King.

He is the King of glory…that’s a celestial King.

No means of measure can define His limitless love.

No far-seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of His shore-less supply.

No barrier can hinder Him from pouring out His blessings…

He forgives and He forgets. He creates and He cleanses. He restores and He rebuilds.

He heals and He helps. He reconciles and He redeems. He comforts and He carries. He lifts and He loves.

He is the God of the second chance, the fat chance, the slim chance, the no-chance.

He discharges debtors. He delivers the captives. He defends the feeble. He blesses the young.

He serves the unfortunate. He regards the aged. He rewards the diligent. He beautifies the meek.

He guards the young. He seeks the stray. He finds the lost. He guides the faithful. He rights the wronged.

He avenges the abused. He defends the weak. He comforts the oppressed. He welcomes the prodigal.

He heals the sick. He cleanses the dirty. He beautifies the barren. He restores the failure. He mends the broken.

He blesses the poor. He fills the empty. He clothes the naked. He satisfies the hungry.

He elevates the humble. He forgives the sinner. He raises the dead!

He supplies strength to the weary. He increases power to the faint. He offers escape to the tempted.

He sympathizes with the hurting. He saves the hopeless. He shields the helpless. He sustains the homeless.

He gives purpose to the aimless., reason to the meaningless, fulfillment to the emptiness, light in the darkness, comfort in the loneliness, fruit in the barrenness, future to the hopeless. life to the lifeless! –(pp. 43-50)

When I finished reading that, I felt like time had stopped as I just sat in the glorious Presence of Jesus, soaking in all of His beauty and magnificence.

He is everything.  

He makes all things beautiful and because He lives, He will always transform the ugly into the beautiful if we invite Him into those places.

That moment opened up the floodgates. Everywhere I looked, I saw the gifts Jesus had lovingly placed along my path…right there in the midst of the ugly. Nothing had necessarily changed in my situation, but my perspective had shifted entirely.

Please don’t be afraid to ask Him to do the same for you today. He will be faithful to do it.

By the way, Anne adapted those words from S. M. Lockridge, who originally shared it. Here’s a video of “That’s My King” with the original words spoken by Lockridge. Enjoy and be blessed.

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Faith That Moves Mountains


I heard an excellent sermon yesterday from Michael Youssef on the crucial subject of faith, entitled, “Mountain Moving Faith.

It inspired, challenged, and encouraged me, so I wanted to share it with you.

He defines the gift of faith as the Holy Spirit-given ability to see something that God wants to be done for His glory before it happens.”

It is…

*the ability to sustain unwavering confidence in the promises of God in the face of impossibility

*the ability to discern the will of God and stand firm regardless of insurmountable obstacles

*the ability to believe God for something that is honoring and glorifying to Him when everybody else has given up

*the ability to hold on to the promises of God when everybody else has moved on

Dr. Youssef qualifies that this is NOT blind faith, but confident faith.”

We cannot live the Christian life without faith. Hebrews 11:6 tells us clearly and unequivocally: “Without faith it is impossible to please God.”

When we are NOT walking by faith, we are “focused on the problems of life, the difficulties, disappointments and adversities…it is a narrow focus.

By contrast, when we ARE walking by faith, we will:

*live above the challenges

* have hope in the midst of hopelessness

*see potential in the midst of the problem

*look up to the One who is more powerful than our troubles.

Dr. Youssef gives a picture of someone who is operating in faith:

*when all odds are stacked against them, they live like they have no problems

*operate as seeing the will of God as having already been accomplished.

*rejoice about what will happen while everyone else is singing the blues.

*specialize in the impossible, sail through raging waters, and climb mountains

He reminded his listeners that Jesus saw the resurrection even while hanging on the cross.

Lastly, Dr. Youssef encouraged us to “Think big because your trust is in a BIG God.”

Amen to that!

“Let your sights bring you reports as discouraging as possible, but pay no attention to them. Our heavenly Father lives and even the delays of answers to our prayers are part of His goodness.” — Arthur Tappan Pierson

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Sweet Simple Things


“It is the sweet simple things of life which are the real ones after all.”—Laura Ingalls Wilder

Yesterday, I read of a fellow blogger’s death after a long battle with cancer.

I had never read her  blog before, but as I perused what she had left behind, I was touched by her radiant smile, beautiful photography, courageous spirit, and deep love for her family.

She wrote about the immense joy she found in doing the “normal” things that cancer treatment had made impossible: taking a trip to the mall in search of the perfect prom dress for her daughter, making lunch and dinner,  seeing her kids off to school in the morning, doing everyday chores, etc. These simple, day-to-day things that can be a source of complaint for us at times were instead a rich source of  delight and satisfaction for her.

This lady knew well what Ann Voskamp has written: “Everything is a staggering gift.”

I try to remember that every single day.

There is joy to be found everywhere, if we only have eyes to see.

My prayer for today is that God will open my eyes to the fact that my life is bursting with gifts from above…that He will enable me to stay intensely focused on the present moment…that I will treat this day as if it is my last…so that when I go to bed this evening, there will be no regrets, no moments left un-lived or unobserved, no kind or encouraging word unspoken.

Please pray for Sarah’s husband and two daughters as they begin this new and difficult journey without her.

Hug your loved ones tight today  Treasure your moments. And celebrate the sweet simple things.

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Make-Believe


I am sitting in an empty auditorium as I write this.

My daughter is part of the cast of “Little Women” that our homeschooling co-op is presenting this weekend and I had to have her here three hours before the performance for hair, makeup, and last minute rehearsal.

The stage is lit, awaiting the players. All is quiet on the set.

I can hear the muted sound of laughter and excited chatter backstage as the kids prepare  for the big moment.

In another hour, my 13 year old girl will be transformed into a young lady from the 1800s, complete with flowing purple dress, cream-colored shawl, and high heels.

Two of the seniors who play  older, wealthy, distinguished gentlemen just walked onto the stage and took their seats in the center of the set. Their stage makeup is on—which they are complaining about :)— but they haven’t changed into their costumes yet. They look like typical high school seniors: jeans, T-shirts, and one is wearing a baseball hat. Their conversation is about sports, finals, and the after-party later this evening as the cast celebrates a successful run.

This is not what the public will see when they arrive for the show.

I thought back to opening night last evening when they were in full costume, convincingly acting their parts.

But that was just make-believe.

I can’t help thinking of how often we play roles in real-life.

We wear masks, covering up our real selves, searching for the right “character” to play for whatever the situation requires.

We hide.

I have a vivid memory of when I did just that a little less than a year ago.

I was having a terrible day. Everything that could go wrong did and the stress felt like it was a physical weight, crushing me beneath a merciless load.

I had to go pick up my daughter at a birthday party. I had never been to this home before and I have a terrible sense of direction, so that added to the stress. It was over 90 degrees that day and even with the air-conditioning blasting, the air felt thick and oppressive.

I called my mom on my cell phone as I drove, hoping that the GPS wouldn’t let me down.

I needed prayer and as I choked out my situation to her, I fought back tears, refusing to let them fall. I didn’t know how many moms would be at the home when I arrived and I didn’t want to look like I had been crying.

I ended the call with my mom just as I pulled into the driveway, relieved to see that I was the first parent to arrive.

I took a deep breath as I walked to the front door and rang the bell.

The mom of the birthday girl came to the door with a big smile.

I made sure mine was bigger.

The performance had begun.

For the next 45 minutes, I smiled. I laughed. I joked.

To anyone there that day, it would have appeared that I did not have a care in the world.

I could have won an Oscar. Maybe I missed my calling. Rather than studying my way through graduate school, perhaps I should have been pounding the pavement in Hollywood, awaiting my big break.

When Julia and I were finally in the car headed home, all of that energy required to play make-believe disappeared, like air being let out of a balloon.

I was exhausted.

I have to admit that I  listened with half an ear to Julia’s running commentary of the party as I ruminated on what had just happened.

No, I should not have unloaded on that mom. In that instance, I did the right thing by keeping my troubles to myself.  It was neither the time nor the place. However, it did get me thinking.

How many women cross my path on any given day, doing the exact same thing I had just done? What heartache lies behind the bright smile and cheery words?

I have learned not to judge by appearances…the woman who looks like she has it all together may be the one who is falling apart inside.

Remembering how desperate I felt that day, I have compassion on the women who cross my path. Only God knows what battle may be raging in their hearts.

He reminds me to be kind, to not assume that I know the whole story, no matter how pulled-together she looks.

I am also grateful beyond words that I have a Savior from whom I never need to hide.

One who knows me better than I know myself.

One who will never turn away, despite the ugliness He sometimes sees.

One who continually offers beauty for ashes and joy for despair.

One who gently whispers a reminder that I can remove the mask because in the presence of  His constant, unfailing love, I am safe.

One who longs to show a watching world what He can do with one broken, messed-up life.

He is a master at transforming the ugly into the beautiful.

The world doesn’t need another Christian wearing a mask.

The world needs to see someone real, whose confidence comes not from herself and her abilities but from her perfect Savior.

A watching world needs to observe Jesus shining through the cracks in our lives…because it is through those cracks that His Presence is shown to be most powerful and beautiful.

So, let’s not be afraid to drop our masks when appropriate and leave the make-believe to the actors.

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New Life


Last fall, a friend from church gifted us with two giant peony bushes.

It was a lovely, heartfelt gesture and we were very grateful.

I was certain that I would kill them.

I do not have a green thumb.

I do not even have a brown thumb.

I have a black thumb. I have never been able to keep anything alive, even a plant that is supposedly hard to kill, like a cactus.

Hoping that this time would be different, I spoke to friends who knew about gardening. I scoured the Internet for tips.

And finally the day came when I took a deep breath, pulled the bushes out of their pots and planted them in our front yard.

The kids tried hard not to laugh at my hopeful comment about seeing the  bushes bloom once spring arrived. They knew my track record all too well.

A couple of weeks ago, my son sadly announced that the  bushes were dead, that there was no way they would bloom.

He beckoned for me to follow him outside and sure enough, the bushes looked like they had been run over with a steamroller. They were totally flat, one-dimensional, and colorless.

My face fell. The black thumb had struck again.

But then…

On my way out to the car one morning, this is what I saw:

LIFE!

I couldn’t  believe it! The bushes were not dead after all!

I was elated.

This is what they look like  today:

What I thought was hopeless and dead was actually alive and thriving!

There was more evidence of spring around our yard, as gray and brown give way to pink and red and green:

What was bare is now becoming full.

What was dormant through the long hard winter is now beginning to blossom.

What looked dead is in reality alive and thriving.

The spiritual lesson was not lost on me.

There are those winter seasons in all our lives when it looks as if nothing is happening. We see no signs of life or hope or light.

We are tempted to think that God has forgotten us, that His plans will never come to fruition, that He is not doing anything about our situation.

But that is a lie.

Spring always comes.

New life bursts forth in beauty and light.

The gray gives way to brilliant color.

Life was there all along.

“Spring shows what God can do with a drab and dirty world.”–Virgil Kraft

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The Sound of Silence


My house is very quiet today.

It is a sign of things to come as a new season approaches. There is only one week left until my homeschooling days come to an end.

Doug is at the office, Josh is at school, and Julia is at play practice getting ready for the Little Women performance this weekend.

Right now, I can hear the birds singing and the drone of a plane flying overhead. Our dog Buddy is sleeping beside me as I type.

And I wonder…what’s next?

For over a decade, I have been the principal of “Brown Academy” (that is what we called our homeschool…very exclusive). :).  Our days were filled with a constant hum of activity.

Somehow, I thought those days would go on forever.

I don’t regret a moment of it. I was given the precious opportunity to spend the minutes and months and years with my children, watching them grow and learn and mature.

As I mentioned previously, I went into homeschooling with great trepidation, feeling totally inadequete for the monumental task ahead of me.

And I was. It was only by the grace of God that I was able to do it.

It was without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever done. But oh, how joyous it was!

I love the people my children are becoming and I consider myself privileged to have shared that journey with them thus far.

So many people have asked me what I will be doing in the fall and I don’t have an answer…yet.

I’m excited about a new phase, another chapter, a turning of the page.

But for today…the silence is loud…and as happy, noisy echoes from the past fill my mind, I remember…and give thanks for precious memories of times gone by.

To everything there is a season… (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

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