Category Archives: Friends and Family

They say you can’t go home again.

You certainly can…things are just different. Somewhat bittersweet. Yet still wonderful in so many ways.

I just spent this past week visiting my hometown.

Time is precious and my attitude when I am home is this: “I’m not here to sleep.”

I want to experience as much as I can while  I can. I love being with my mom, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. Time with them is a gift.

So much has changed over the years. Bodies have aged. Gray hairs have appeared where there once were none. There have been marriages. Births. Graduations.  Divorces.  Illnesses. Financial challenges. Tears.  Heartache. Laughter. Fun.

Then there are those who have left us. Their presence is still felt at every get-together and memories always play at the edges of my mind when I am in the familiar places that I once shared with them.

They are missed. Always.

Yet for us who are still living our journey across this planet, life does go on and there are new memories to be made.

On this trip, there were trips to a beloved Pittsburgh area amusement park called Kennywood.

There were visits to the college campuses my husband and I attended many moons ago: the University of Pittsburgh, Penn State, and Carnegie Mellon University.

There were family get-togethers and even a rained out picnic could not dampen our happy moods.

There were times of reconnecting with dear old friends.

I loved being able to listen to the familiar and distinctive Pittsburgh accent again, as well as eating at all my favorite restaurants. I enjoyed hearing the latest about what is happening with the neighbors who still live on the street where I grew up.

There is something that is just so comforting about being home for me. That place and those people are a part of me and always will be.

Bottom line: going home is good for my soul.

Twenty years ago, I married the love of my life.

(Please keep in mind that in 1992, giant headpieces and huge puffy sleeves were all the rage. 🙂 ).

Without a doubt, that was the happiest day of my life. The rain that fell could not dampen our joy as our lives were joined together forever. For that one magical moment in time, everyone we loved on this earth was all gathered in the same place and it is a memory I will always cherish.

We wanted to do something special to commemorate our twentieth anniversary, so we decided to visit Ogunquit, Maine. My dad, uncles and aunts have always told us how beautiful it is, so we were anxious to experience it for ourselves.

It did not disappoint.

This was our view from our hotel room…

We stayed at a place called The Cliff House.

It was a unique place. All the lighting was florescent…even in the lobby…and the bathrooms. I do not know any woman who wants to get up first thing in the morning and look at herself in the harsh glare of florescent lights! What were they thinking?!

The floor we stayed on was an “Adults Only Floor.” We knew this because there were signs emphatically stating this fact everywhere. There was also an “Adults Only Pool.” We had never stayed at a place that had such clear distinctions. (The pool that was reserved for children remained sadly empty the entire time we were there). Very strange.

On our first night there, we had dinner at a restaurant that was right on the water in the nearby town of York, Maine. We enjoyed our delicious meal via candlelight and watched the sun slip below the water. Afterward, we sat on the balcony of our hotel room, listening to the waves of the ocean and talking about all we have learned over the past two decades.

The most surprising thing to me was how fast these years have gone. Our wedding truly seems like yesterday for me.

The past ten years of marriage have brought so many unforeseen challenges…yet rather than drive us apart, these God-ordained trials have drawn us closer together and strengthened our bond. We have lived “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.”

And it has been such a joy. No, it has not always been easy but I would not trade one single day. We truly meant the words we said at the altar that day. That knowledge is precious to me.

I had a conversation today with a woman whose husband is gone for weeks (and sometimes months) at a time due to the nature of his job. I asked her how she handled that (knowing that when Doug was working in Vermont during the week, I missed him terribly and couldn’t wait for the weekends). She shrugged her shoulders and said matter-of-factly that she loved having her own space and “did just fine” without him.

I could not relate.

Yes, I obviously lived my life and fulfilled my responsibilities while Doug was working in another state (he has since finished his consulting job there). However, I missed him every day. Skype helped but it wasn’t the same as having him here with me and the kids. He is my best friend and I missed doing life with him on a daily basis.

Different strokes for different folks.

Our second morning in May dawned cloudy but there was still a lot to explore.

The rocky beaches of Maine are beautiful and dramatic.

The shops are charming and filled with unique treasures.

Our very favorite attraction was the Marginal Way. It is a mile-long path that winds along the ocean and it is a true delight for the senses.

We were charmed by this couple, who were celebrating their wedding day along the Marginal Way.

He was a Marine who had married his love before he was deployed. Now that he was home, they had a proper wedding with all their family and friends. Their joy was infectious.

I wonder if they realize how fast the next twenty years will go?

All too soon, we said goodbye to Ogunquit.

On the way home, we stopped at the Kittery Trading Post in Kittery, Maine and I snapped this photo of my man, customarily unshaven and trying this hat on for size.

The baby face he had when he married me twenty years ago is long gone, replaced by mostly white hair and lines that were not there before…evidence of a life  fully lived.

But his blue eyes still shine with kindness and merriment and nothing makes me happier than hearing the sound of his deep laugh.

I am a  blessed woman and I can hardly wait for the next twenty years with this one God has given me.

…I will know deep in my heart
the only dream that mattered had come true
In this life, I was loved by you.
In this life, I was loved by you.

Back in 1998, my brother Jeff purchased a new Ford Ranger.

He had taken our dad with him in case he needed back-up with all the haggling but he did just fine on his own. Driving home in his new truck with Dad is one of Jeff’s most treasured memories. He was so happy to have shared that experience with the man who was not only his father but also his best friend.

My kids, Josh and Julia, adored that truck (Jeff eventually named her Betsy). They loved riding around in the back (at slow speeds on the dead end street of our childhood home), watching fireworks while perched in chairs atop the bed of the truck when we lived in Florida, and listening spellbound as Jeff spun stories while they sat in the cab under a darkening summer sky.

The years rolled by and Betsy served Jeff well in Pennsylvania, South Florida, and New Hampshire. However, by this summer she had well over 100,o00 miles on her and it was time for Jeff to buy a new vehicle.

Our kids took the news hard. They have moved around a lot in their young lives, so change is not always easy for them. They cherish the things that remain the same and Betsy held a lot of wonderful memories for them.

Nevertheless, Jeff purchased his new Jeep and the night before he picked it up, he drove Betsy over to the house for the last time.

My two teenagers eagerly took him up on his offer to take one more (slow and cautious) spin around the cul-de-sac in the back of Betsy.

The next day, Betsy was traded in for a Jeep named Rudy.

Let the new memories begin. 🙂

Shortly after my cousin David was killed in the line of duty, my dear friend Jackie (who is like a sister to me) made a donation to her veterinary office in David’s memory.

The purpose of her gift was to set up a fund for people who did not have the means to afford care for their beloved pets in the south Florida area.

Jackie is a huge animal lover and she was very touched by my post about David, especially that as owner of his own veterinary clinic, he treated animals whose owners could not afford to pay him.

Inspired by his example, she set up the fund in David’s name back in January.

Yesterday, she received a handwritten note from a grateful beneficiary of that fund. The office manager had attached a post-it onto the letter which read: “Dear Jackie, This is a card from a client you helped with your donation. She was SO thankful for you! What a blessing!”

The card read as follows: “Thank you so much for your generous gift to my cats. I wouldn’t have been able to afford the care at the (hospital) if it wasn’t for your kindness. Just to let you know that my cat had a seizure…She is fine now with the doctor’s great care and the loving staff. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Warm regards.”

Jackie sent me a text informing me about this yesterday afternoon while I was in the middle of a tour of the Boston Symphony Orchestra. Right there in the lobby, tears sprang to my eyes.

David left this earth six months ago, but his life is still touching others. How could he have imagined that a woman he never met 1500 miles away in south Florida would be impacted by his legacy?

This would have made him so happy.

We will  all leave a legacy, friends. Only eternity will tell the ripples from our lives that reached out and touched others in life-changing ways.

Your life is not—and never has been—inconsequential. You were created with great purpose and placed in this generation with considerable intention by the Author of all great stories.

Your life matters.

Do you like what your legacy would be if your life were to end today?

If not, it’s not too late to change it.

Thank you, Jackie, for continuing my cousin’s legacy in your part of the world. I am so grateful for you!

Our son Josh was baptized last Sunday.

It was a joyous day for our family.

Josh is sixteen years old and he loves Jesus. Even when he was two, he would ask us questions about the Savior.

Case in point: when he was two years old he, Doug, and I were sitting in the living room of our Rhode Island home. Josh was sitting on Daddy’s lap and he asked, “Why can’t I see Jesus?”

We explained that Jesus is alive and living in  Heaven and we will see Him face to face one day. Until then, He has given us His Spirit who lives inside our hearts. (Have you ever tried to explain the truth of the Holy Spirit to a two year old? It’s not easy! 🙂 ).

I need to preface Josh’s next two statements with the fact that when he was two, he loved French fries. Even when I would drive by the automatic teller at the bank, he thought we were at McDonald’s and he would yell, “French fries! French fries!”

So, in that moment in our Rhode Island living room, a smile spread across his face and his brown eyes danced with glee.

“Jesus!” He called out, looking all around. “Surprise for you!”

Doug and I looked at each other, wondering what in the world he was doing.

He clasped his little hands together, turned around to look right at the front door and said, “Jesus! French fries for you!!!”

He clapped and stared excitedly at the front door.

How could Jesus possibly resist French fries?!

Needless to say, Jesus did not appear to claim the offer of French fries. 🙂 However, Jesus was always important to Josh. He talked about Him often  and he loved to hear stories of when Jesus walked this earth.

He originally asked Jesus to be his Savior when he was five years old and he was as sincere as a five year old can be.

However, he came to me when he was fourteen with a greater understanding of what Jesus truly did for him and wanted to renew his commitment.

When our pastor announced two weeks ago that baptisms would take place the following Sunday, Josh knew that he was ready to take the next step of obedience and be baptized.

This was not an easy step for him to take. He is not one to seek the spotlight and standing before the entire church to share his testimony was way out his comfort zone.

Yet…life happens when we step outside of our comfort zones.

I reminded him that Jesus never promises a safe life. As Dr. Maltby, a famous English preacher in the twentieth century said, “ Jesus promised His disciples three things: they would be entirely fearless, absurdly happy, and always in trouble.”

“Baptism is a sacred vow of the believer to follow Christ. Just as a wedding celebrates the fusion of two hearts, baptism celebrates the union of the sinner with Savior.” —Max Lucado

“Baptism is the initial step of a faithful heart.” —Max Lucado

Buried with Christ in death…

Raised to walk in newness of life…

“Baptism is an outward expression of an inward faith.” —Watchman Nee

We are so proud of our son and this is our prayer for him as he begins his faith journey in earnest:

The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make His face to shine upon you
and be gracious to you;
The Lord turn His face toward you
and give you peace. —Numbers 6:24-26

“Why does time go by so fast? And how can we slow it down?”

My  sixteen year old son Josh asked me this question at 6:15 this morning.

At 6 a.m. we had left the house to walk into town. The weatherman had promised a scorcher today so we wanted to have an early start on our workout. The sun was just beginning to burn through the early morning fog and all was quiet, except for the cheerful chirping of the birds.

I took a moment to look up at him as we walked; remembering a time not too long ago when I had to look down to see his sweet little face. Those days are long gone, as he now hovers around six feet tall.

He has always had an introspective side. He can be very silly and fun, but his thoughts run deep.

I sighed and told him I knew how he felt. Lately, I have been acutely aware of how fast time is flying and my accompanying sense of helplessness, like trying to grasp the wind.

Then I quoted a few lines from One Thousand Gifts that really spoke to me so I memorized it as a reminder:

“Time is a relentless river. It rages on, a respecter of no one. And this is the only way to slow time…when I fully enter into the current moment with the weight of all my attention…I only live the full life when I live fully in the moment.”

He was silent, thinking.

“Look around, Josh,” I said quietly. “Be all here.”

So, we drank everything in, together.

The soft morning light. The still surface of the lake, reflecting the sky above like a mirror. A lone kayaker out in the distance. A bird lighting onto the branch of a tree. An orange cat sitting as still as a stone among the high grass, her gold eyes following us as we walked past.

Josh, the only cat lover in a family of dog lovers, laughed with delight. “She’s a ginger like me!” he said.

“This is being all here, ” I told him. “Pay attention. Notice the details. Search for beauty. It’s always there.”

He loves high school and I encouraged him to truly treasure this time because before he knows it, he will have graduated and the kids will all scatter.

“Now is the only time that you all will be together in one place. So enjoy it and live the life out of everyday you are there.”

What a beautiful thing…to spend this time with my son on a Saturday morning. To know that we enjoy each other’s company and that he is willing to share what is going on in his life with me.

We are very much alike, he and I. That sure made for some fireworks when he was little. He is every bit the strong personality that I am and we had quite a few battles of the will. My mom spent many hours encouraging me to stand strong and be consistent, to do  the hard work of shaping his little soul.

With the Lord’s help, my husband and I did just that. And oh how sweet the fruit from that season is now.

I so enjoy his company. We laugh…a lot. We challenge each other. We encourage each other. We argue from time to time. As he makes his faith his own, I answer many questions. He loves to tease me, particularly as  I get older and more forgetful. And I love the fact that he is not embarrassed to still give me a hug in public. 🙂

He is a writer like me and it was on this walk this morning that he  told me he is going to start his own blog.

He has a lot to say to the world and I can’t wait to begin reading.

We finished our four mile walk and soon we were back on the road. This time, I was taking him to meet his girlfriend and her parents. They were going to spend the day in Maine. As soon as he spotted their vehicle, he took off in a light jog and greeted them enthusiastically. A day of fun in the sun awaited him. Before disappearing into the van, he raised his arm and gave me a big grin.

“See you later, Mom!”

And with a flurry of waves all around, they turned the corner and drove out of my sight.

This was good. This was right. This is how it should be. From the moment our children learn to walk, they begin to walk away from us. His world is getting bigger.

Yet I still had tears in my eyes as I walked back to my car alone.

I have two more years with him until he goes away to college. I know the time will fly.

Until then, I will treasure the moments like I shared with him this morning, when I taught him how to be completely present to the glorious now.

I will fully enter into the minutes as they pass…so that when the relentless river of time sweeps the coming days away, I will have a heart full of beautiful memories that will soften the inevitable sting of his empty room.

“I am a hunter of beauty and I move slow and I keep the eyes wide.” —Ann Voskamp

This past week was school vacation in my part of the country, so we loaded up the kids and drove to western Massachusetts.

This may not sound like a particularly exciting spring break destination but that happens to be where my husband grew up. He wanted to share his memories and some of his story with our kids.

As our kids grow older, Doug and I have been sharing more of our personal stories with them. Our goal is that they see us as just more than “Mom and Dad”…but as Doug and Susan, who have lived our own struggles, joys, heartaches, and triumphs. My parents both did that with me and it helped me grow in empathy and understanding.

It’s always an amazing and transforming moment when you see your parents as people who had lives long before you ever entered the scene.

Preconceived notions shatter (as they should) and are replaced with reality… in all its’ glorious messiness.

That is the moment when relationships get real and things that may have always troubled us begin to make sense.  That is when we begin to understand a fraction of the love that our great and wonderful Heavenly Father has for us.  He sees all our broken places and loves us anyway.

If we will allow Him, He will love us into wholeness and restoration and healing.

It is also a humbling experience to look into the eyes of your teenagers and share the mistakes of your youth (as needed and with discretion, of course), hoping, willing, and praying that  they will learn the lessons from you in the classroom, so to speak, rather than having to take a field trip.

We drove by the house Doug lived in from the time he was seven until he left for college at eighteen.

Houses still speak, even when it has been years since we may have lived inside their walls. What happened there shapes who we are, for better or for worse.

Doug’s parents have been gone for over twenty years. Their lives once played out in that little  ranch house where they raised two daughters and a son. Sadly, few good memories exist for any of them.

It is comforting for me to know that as he rode his bike all over the rolling hills of  western Massachusetts during those years, there was a woman in western Pennsylvania who was praying for him. She didn’t know his name yet, but that woman was my mother, who steadfastly prayed for the man I would marry.

What a beautiful legacy.

And what a beautiful Savior, who answered those prayers when my husband was 27 years old and finally came to know the One Who always gives beauty for ashes.

We also visited the house he and his family lived in for one year in Connecticut:

I love that after 22 years together, I am still learning new things about my husband. Such as the fact that if his dad had not taken the job that necessitated the family leaving Connecticut for Massachusetts, he might have become a juvenile delinquent!

His best friend was the son of the superintendent of schools in that town. He taught little six year old Doug how to break into the school at night and steal pencils and erasers from the desks.

They also used to roam over to the fancy and exclusive Miss Porter’s School and peer into the windows to see what was happening.

The girls would notice them and smuggle them into their rooms and give them snacks because they were so cute. If someone came by, they would tell the boys to hide. After all, who in the world could resist this face? 🙂

Throughout the three days that we were away we shared stories. Ironed out some misunderstandings and hurts. Laughed a lot. Discussed goals and dreams. Treasured the time, knowing that it is short as our son will be in college in two brief years.

All our lives are richer for having spent this time together in a small college town.

Do you know the stories of those closest to you? Do they know yours?

Everyone has a story.

Today is as good a day as any to start telling yours. And listening to theirs.

“You have a unique message to deliver, a unique song to sing, a unique act of love to bestow. This message, this song, and this act of love have been entrusted exclusively to the one and only you.” —John Powell

Last night at dinner, the kids began to talk about “Romeo and Juliet.” My daughter is reading the play for her Honors English class.

She mentioned that the story took place over the course of three days (a fact that I did not  remember from my days as an English major in college. Then again, I couldn’t remember where I parked my car when I left Bible study last night, so that’s not saying much! :)).

“There is no way anyone could fall in love with someone in three days!” she said emphatically.

“I knew I loved your father as soon as I saw him,” I told her.

Both of my kids looked at me like I was crazy.

“That’s impossible,” Josh said and Julia nodded in agreement.

Not impossible. True.

Granted, no one can love someone deeply upon first meeting them. That  takes time and commitment.

However, I was 25 years old when I met Doug. I had been to college and out in the working world for a couple of years so I was no longer a kid. I had dated but there was no one that I was even remotely interested in spending the rest of my life with.

I recently heard someone talking about meeting her husband. She said, “The instant I looked into his eyes, it was like coming home.”

That is exactly how I felt the first time I met Doug. It may sound sappy and unbelievable but it is the truth.

Those blue eyes contained kindness, intelligence,  humor, a twinkle of playfulness, and wisdom that endlessly intrigued me.

By the end of our first date, I knew I would marry him.

I just knew in a way I could not explain that I would love this man for the rest of my days.

And I have.

What about you? Do you believe in love at first sight? Have you experienced it?

This past Saturday, my son and his high school jazz band played at the University of New Hampshire Jazz Festival.

We woke up to several inches of snow that morning but the weather soon turned beautiful and sunny.

Upon entering Memorial Hall, we were greeted by the rich sounds of all manner of brass instruments. Students scurried through the hallways lugging their instruments trying to get to their performance areas. Abundant laughter could be heard over the music and the energy that filled that space was wonderful.

We had a couple of hours until our school played so it was such a treat to listen to the other bands play. The sheer talent of these kids was amazing. I have zero musical talent so I have always been in awe of those who do.

At one point, my daughter got a text from one of Josh’s friends. Josh’s 16th birthday was the following day and some of his friends asked if they could throw a surprise birthday party for him.

At our house.

Doug and I loved the idea! (And I was so happy that I had tidied up before we left! 🙂 ).

My brother agreed to let the kids into the house to decorate.  Subsequent texts informed us that a cake had been baked, decorations were up, and Josh’s favorite candies had been purchased. All that was needed  was the birthday boy.

But first, he had a concert to perform. The band took the stage and they just blew the doors off the place!

My son comes alive when he holds an instrument in his hands. Music is part of him.

Ray Charles once said, “I was born with music inside me. Music was one of my parts. Like my ribs, my kidneys, my heart. It was a force already within me when I arrived on the scene. It was a necessity for me—like food or water.” 

I think Josh would say that is true of him as well.

It has been a joy to watch him pick up his first instrument and discover the music that God placed in his soul.

As soon as the performance ended, we headed for home.

This was my son’s reaction when he walked into the door, saw his friends, and heard a resounding: “SURPRISE!”

He was truly shocked.

It was perfect.

The only one who was not enjoying any of this was our dog Buddy. He fled to the comfort of my mom’s arms.

He clearly does not like any disruption in his routine.

Doug, my mom, my brother, and I listened to another type of music that night: the music of laughter as the kids celebrated.

My husband and I treasured the moment because in two short years, our son will be off to college. Our daughter will be here one more year after that and then the house will be much, much quieter. It will be a new season.

It just served as a reminder to cherish this season. This noisy, fun, exciting, sweet, hectic season.

At the end of the night, balloons were all over the place. Most of the cake had been eaten.  Presents had been opened. Buddy finally calmed down.  Wonderful memories had been made.

It was a marvelous day.

It is school vacation week in New Hampshire so the kids, my brother Jeff, our dog Buddy, and I loaded up the SUV and headed over to Vermont to spend a couple of days with my husband.

Since he works there during the week, it was a special treat to be able to spend some extra time with him and we were all excited about the trip.

Fortunately, a ski resort is close by and Jeff and Julia were looking forward to hitting the slopes.

(Josh was getting over being sick so he stayed at the condo with Buddy to work on the rewrite of his first novel. By the time we returned that afternoon, he had written 10,000 words.).

If only our son had some drive and ambition. 🙂

At any rate, Doug took the day off from work so that we could spend the day together at the resort. It was a gloriously sunny and clear winter day.

Doug and I were happy to get comfortable in the lodge.

Our skiing days are long over, the result of a bad back (me) and a bad knee (him). However, we treasured this opportunity to be together and share in the happiness and excitement of the passionate skiers in the family.

We planned our upcoming anniversary trip to northern California.

We talked and we laughed.

We people-watched, which is one of our very favorite pastimes.

After twenty years of marriage, he is still my very best friend. He is the one who challenges me, intrigues me, and motivates me to be all that I can be.

When Jeff and Julia joined us inside for lunch, Jeff said, “You two must be so bored just hanging out in the lodge all day.”

Bored? Not for a minute. On the contrary, I reveled in the gift of time we had been given to be together.

After lunch, I took the opportunity to head outside with my camera to capture the dazzling winter day…

My brother was kind enough to text me when he and Julia were reaching the bottom of the slope so that I could position myself to take some action shots…

He also related a funny story.

At one point, he and Julia were taking a break halfway down a challenging trail.

A ski instructor skied up to them and said, “Hey, how’s it going?”

Jeff and Julia greeted him and agreed when he commented on the fact that it was a beautiful day.

Ski instructor: “So are you having fun?”

Jeff: “We’re having a great time!”

Ski instructor: “So, are you the dad?”

Jeff (slightly confused): “No, I’m the uncle.”

Ski instructor: “That’s great!  So, Colin, are you ready to get going again?”

Um…Colin?

Jeff: “This isn’t Colin. This is my niece, Julia.”

Ski instructor (eyes bugging out of his head in disbelief as he removed his goggles to closely examine Julia): “WHERE’S COLIN???? THE TWO OF YOU ARE DRESSED EXACTLY ALIKE!” The goggles were replaced and he skied away, yelling, “COLIN? COLIN????”

Oops.

Julia: “Why did he think that I am a BOY?”

I wonder if Colin got a refund because his ski instructor lost him on the mountain?

After a long, fun day of skiing, it was time to call it a day.

One last look at the mountain…

When we arrived  back home yesterday afternoon, I logged onto Facebook and saw a wonderful video that my cousin Jonathan had posted about our cousin David. As music played in the background, I watched as one photo melted into another, capturing joyful moments from a life now over.

Tears and smiles, all at once. And a reminder to make the most of my days.

Life is lived in moments that we can string together like jewels on a necklace.

Treasure your moments today.